Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear Rep. Brattin,


I was reading your interview recently with the liberal publication Mother Jones about your proposed legislation to have a woman seeking an abortion get written permission from the father.  There were some shocking things in this article.


“Just like any rape, you have to report it, and you have to prove it,” Brattin tells Mother Jones. “So you couldn’t just go and say, ‘Oh yeah, I was raped’ and get an abortion. It has to be a legitimate rape.”


A woman has to prove rape in order to by-pass the written permission part according to you.  That’s not what I’m shocked by.  Disgusted by – yes, but not shocked by.  Honestly, what I’m shocked by is that YOU were giving an interview to Mother Jones.  Was Daily Kos busy?  What the heck was a Right-Wing Conservative like you doing giving an interview to Mother Jones?  You seem like a pretty smart guy to me.  Why in the world would someone like you be interviewed by Mother Jones and then go so far as to use the term “legitimate rape” in your interview.


I think you are intentionally poking the bear Rick.  You can go ahead and fess up to me. I get the joke.


Moving on.  There is something you and I agree with in your interview.  You shared with Mother Jones how you received a vasectomy and how your partner had to sign off on the procedure before the doctor would perform the procedure.  I agree!  Tdownloadhis is outrageous!  If I were you, I would draft a bill immediately protecting men in Missouri from this outrageous practice.  It’s their bodies and should be their choice if they want to fire blanks or not.  We can call this bill Rick’s Di…Penis Protection Bill.   You thought I was going to go there.  As tempting as it was, I stopped myself.


If you believe as I do, that men everywhere should be able to make decisions regarding their bodies and should be able to have vasectomy without having their partner’s sign off on the procedures, then get behind me and send Rick a message to draft this bill and introduce it immediately!  Help spread the word that a man’s body is his own and he should have a right to decide if he wants more children or not.  RT this blog to him, post it on his FB wall.  Send him the message today!


Rick, hopefully I have brought attention to this vasectomy outrage and this will help gain momentum in getting Rick’s Penis Protection bill underway.


I must admit that if we meet one day, it will be kind of awkward knowing we both know that you are firing blanks.  Oh well.  I guess we live in a world of TMI.


Yours for men deciding what’s best for their bodies,




About these ads

Update 12/17/2014

Congressman Yoder has finally come out and commented on his role in inserting the Big Banks language into the Omnibus bill. In his newsletter yesterday this was included,

Some members of the media have been misconstruing one provision in particular that I supported in the Appropriations Committee earlier in the year. I joined a significant portion of House Democrats and Republicans in making an improvement to Dodd-Frank that helps strengthen markets, helps consumers, and provides no additional risk to taxpayers. The provision amends Section 716 of Dodd-Frank, which would have increased transaction costs by requiring banks to push out almost all derivative business into separate entities. The derivatives associated with this provision are not the same as the riskier Collateral Debt Obligations (CDOs) that many blame for causing the mortgage crisis. CDOs remain subject to the push out even after the adoption of this provision.

Without this change, small regional banks would be in danger of being unable to serve the lending needs of their customers. Ultimately, farmers, manufacturers, and other Main Street businesses would be harmed the most. I opposed the taxpayer bailouts in 2008 and stand strong by the provisions in existing law that prohibit bailouts from ever happening again. This fixes an onerous provision of Dodd-Frank that actually made markets less safe and increased the cost of lending. It does not make any change to provisions preventing bailouts.


He also provided a text book, political response to the outrage by blaming the left-wing folks for the outcry ignoring the Republicans who have also come out criticizing this move.


I’ll leave the rebuttal to the pro.

Nice try Congressman Yoder.  You are still in the doghouse.


Dear Congressman Yoder,

I read a top 5 list that involved Kansas this week.  Usually when that happens it’s a list involving our fantastic BBQ.  This time, however, food wasn’t the focus.  It was a list about the Omnibus bill that Congress passed last week – that 1600 page monster bill that should prevent another government shutdown.  Turns out Kansas, specifically an action that you did,  made the list.  It was the Top 5 Awful Things Congress Snuck Into the Omnibus Budget Deal.

The current budget deal includes a repeal of the Dodd-Frank derivatives rule that was literally written by big bank lobbyists — A leaked document obtained by the New York Times revealed that 70 of the 85 lines of derivatives language reflect recommendations made in a piece of model legislation drafted by lobbyists for Citigroup, another bank that played a major role in the 2008 crisis and also received billions of federal stimulus dollars.
If all of this sounds familiar, it’s because the House passed the exact same CitiGroup-written law last year, but it died after resistance from the Senate and Treasury Department. Now, Wall Street’s allies in Congress have effectively copy-pasted the CitiGroup-approved language out of the old bill and into the current budget deal, which is much less susceptible to a veto threat since a veto would shut down the government.

The language was added by you.

From all Kansas voters I can only say on thing, what the hell?


Wait, I think I can answer this question.


Yoder received a combined $29,000 in campaign contributions from the political action committees representing the four largest banks that will benefit from eliminating the regulation.


It’s that horrible life lesson that money talks and no matter how many times you tell us in your campaign speeches that you are working for Kansans – you are really working for big banks.


I do, however, have to give two snaps to your spokesperson who tried to link this to helping Kansas farmers:


“Absent this fix, the cost of doing business as a farmer in Kansas will simply go up.”

RRRIIIGGGHHTT…..maybe if you say that enough times you will believe it.  The only other groups you left out are children and puppies.



I understand the media has been reaching out for interviews on this language and your are MIA.
Yoder has been mum about the spending package since it passed the House. His office hasn’t responded to multiple requests for comment on why he slipped the Citigroup language into it. The press statements on his website say nothing about the provision or the spending bill. There are no posts about it on his Facebook page. He’s said nothing in his Twitter feed.


I guess you’ve been super busy updating your profile pic on Facebook to this huge American flag.  That’s one big, American flag.  Maybe it represents that if we cover ourselves up with patriotism we won’t notice how bad our politicians are screwing us over.


Yours for working for Kansans,


Tonight I went for my monthly massage and the masseuse asked me, “Aimee, what’s causing you pain?”

“Brownback. He’s causing me pain and in fact, my pain is located right here,” as I pointed to my buttocks region.

Why is Brownback a pain in my ass this week? Because he rolled out his first round of budget cuts to help with the $280 MILLION dollar budget gap from his failed tax policies.

Actually to be more precise, his Budget Director Shawn Sullivan or S2 as I like to call him rolled out the budget cuts. I just have to say, the only job worse than the Budget Director of Kansas right now would be rectal feeder for the CIA. It’s got to be a job NOBODY wants.

I can imagine the talk before the roll out of the budget cuts between S2 and Brownback.


“You want ME to send out the email announcing the cuts? I don’t know if that’s a good idea Sir. I think it would be better coming from you,” said S2.

“Oh no Shawn. I think it’s much better coming from you instead of me. Trust me, I’ll support you in all of your recommendations, ” said Brownback.

Sure enough here’s the quote from Brownback on S2’s recommendations,

“I appreciate Shawn’s hard work in identifying efficiencies and cost savings across state government,” Brownback said. “These first steps are a down payment in resolving the immediate budget issue. I look forward to presenting a full budget proposal and policy recommendations to the Legislature in January. Our job now is to address this situation through good fiscal governance while maintaining our investment in education, sustaining funding for public safety and allowing T-WORKS to be completed.”

He looks forward to presenting a full budget proposal?  Cough..cough..bullshit…cough…cough.  Excuse me.  I got a tickle in my throat.

The announcement was so bad….

Aimee, how bad was it?

It was so bad that Senate President Susan, I’m also a Republican, Wagle made the understatement of the year by saying it put the Legislature in a “difficult position.”

Ouch, but kudos sister for calling it like you see it.

“I would have preferred to see the burden spread evenly throughout the state. That would certainly be a more fair approach than picking winners or losers and asking the Legislature to fill the gap,” Wagle said.

Some of these budget cuts have to be approved by the Legislature and that puts them between a rock and a hard place knowing that Brownback needs these budget cuts in order to balance the budget.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the 1st episode in the mini-series….Broke Kansas.

Every year I post this article.  It’s the entry that won me a spot as a Midwest Voices Columnist for the Kansas City Star.  Before this column, I never really wrote anything besides a diary entry.  The contest in the KC Star changed my life.  The journey that started from this entry has been amazing and one that I still can’t believe to this day.  To all the people who have supported me by reading my blog and columns – thank you!  I love reading all your comments (even those who don’t agree with me).  A huge thank you to all the people who post my blogs on Facebook and retweet on Twitter!  Social media is huge to this success of this blog and my social media peeps rule!  To all those who have provided me the opportunity to express my snarky opinion – the KC Star,  KMBZ, KCPT, Crooks and Liars and the KC Post – a huge thank you and a giant hug!

Happy Holidays!



The War on Christmas – Don’t Shoot Until You See the Whites of Their Candy Canes


Every year there is a war declared, but it’s not the ones we are used to hearing.  It’s not the war in Afghanistan, the war on terror, or even the ongoing war on drugs.  This war is declared on talk radio, on public discussion boards and in letters to the editors in newspapers around the country.  What war are you asking?  The War on Christmas!


I am sure you have noticed it.  Walk in any mall, past all of the decorated store fronts, the Santa photo ops, mute your ears from the Christmas Carols playing over the loud speakers and you will find it, those retailers who say the dreaded Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.  Every year this is always outrage that a City Hall somewhere in America calls a Christmas tree a “Holiday Tree”.    There you have it, the first shot fired in the “War on Christmas”.


I am one of a small minority who do not celebrate Christmas.  I am not one who declares a “War on Christmas”.  I like Christmas, my child celebrates Christmas, as a child myself I was very jealous of those who celebrated Christmas.  I mean what’s not to love? I love the lights, the Christmas carols, the Christmas cookies.  I do not want a nation whose Christian citizens do not acknowledge Christmas.  I just do not think Christmas or any other religious holiday needs to be acknowledged on public property.  That is correct, you read that right, no lights, trees or any other holiday decoration in City Hall, outside of City Hall or displayed on government property.


We have separation of Church and State for a reason in our Constitution.  I value our Constitution and by valuing it I believe we could do without all the decorating of public property.  First, it is tax payer money that goes to decorate public property so there is a savings here in this troubled economy.  Second, it is not like we will be void of all displays of Christmas.  There are houses, retail stores, Churches, private businesses all decorated for Christmas.  Why do we need to blur the lines of our Constitution for a string of lights?  Tradition you say?  I highly doubt our Founding Fathers had a pine tree, some lights and a blow up Santa in a snow globe in mind when they celebrated their season.  I believe they would have been fine if we decided not to put Christmas decorations on public property.  Some traditions are fine to break and we move on.  Save ourselves the headache of this Constitutional debate year after year and just do not do it.  Encourage our Christian citizens to knock themselves out by stepping up their decorating.  Clark Griswald yourselves out this year, bring in live camels and donkeys for your recreation of the Nativity scene if you want. Just keep it off public property.  Trust me; no one will forget its Christmas time.


I officially declare this war over.  Everyone lay down their tinsel and return your candy canes to your trees.  Regardless of what holiday you celebrate or if you choose to not celebrate remember this is a giving season.  Be kind to each other; acknowledge we are all Americans united by our Constitution.  If City Hall lacks decorations life will go on.  Now who is going to send me some delicious Christmas cookies?

imagesIt’s December and that can only mean one thing – it’s Elf on a Shelf time.  That adorable little Elf gets himself into all sorts of crazy binds as he reminds Christian children that they better be good this year or Santa won’t be bringing them any presents.  For example, here is he making snow angels with mom’s powdered sugar in the kitchen.  It brings me such joy to see him creating such mischief around the house that it doesn’t seem to matter what he’s caught doing.  He’s just so damn adorable.


Here he is doing a Lindsey Lohan in Dad’s liquor cabinet and it doesn’t matter, because you still want to pinch those drunk little cheeks….elf-on-the-shelf-drunkHere he is taking a cookie dump over mom’s fresh, baked Christmas cookies and you STILL want to scoop him up and squeeze him….

elf on a shelfEvery year I have to deal with my daughter feeling left out that she doesn’t get to have any fun with Elf on the Shelf, because we celebrate Chanukah.  Well, not this year sweetie.

Hold on to your yarmulkes kids, because this year I give you Mensch on a Bench!

10672176_866318090065358_389102656137562817_nFor all my Christian readers, a mensch is a person of honor and integrity.

Your Jewish children will have hours of fun finding Mensch in your grandma’s medicine cabinet as he clings to her denture cream and ben-gay.

This doll looks like my Uncle Herb as he sits on a bench outside of the Rosedale Senior Living Facility, not an adorable toy that my 8-year-old will want to play with.  We already have a problem with the number of Jews dwindling in the United States and this Mensch on a Bench isn’t going to help that.

Would it have killed you to make the Mensch adorable and young?  How about a puppy mensch with cute puppy dog eyes instead of a creepy grandpa doll with more eyeliner than Snooki?

I’m sure that the minute you grab the Mensch off the Bench, the doll says, “oy my back.”

If you are with me in thinking this Mensch on a Bench doesn’t compare with an Elf on a Shelf, keep your chin up.  There are other exciting dolls for Jewish children like Latke Larry!  He cooks!  He dances!  He kvetches?  Again for my Christian friends – I kvetch a lot – it means to complain.  Nothing like having hours of fun playing with a doll who complains.

The only thing I can say about these Jewish toys is oy vey!









Here’s your laugh for the day:




Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,465 other followers

%d bloggers like this: