KS birth control laws pushing new business away

Dear business owners, CEOs and entrepreneurs:

This is a letter to anyone thinking of moving their business to Kansas. Kansas is a great place for businesses and a great place for families. I grew up here and moved back to raise my family after spending time on the east coast. It is Midwest living at its finest. There is plenty of space to build a beautiful company headquarters to your liking. Your employees can find affordable housing and their children can attend the best schools. Let’s not forget the excellent BBQ!

With all of this great Midwest living, I have to tell you, if you have female employees in your company I would highly suggest not moving here. See there are a lot of other great places that also have great housing, wonderful schools and good food that are probably more female friendly. Our government spends a ridiculous amount of time writing, debating and passing extreme legislation on abortion and birth control. They could spend time finding ways to make Kansas more business friendly instead they waste hours and hours writing legislation finding ways to outlaw birth control in our great state.

Just yesterday Rep Lance Kinzer (R, Olathe) who sponsored the most recent anti-birth control bill that allows doctors and pharmacists who oppose prescribing any medication that they feel causes an abortion said this,

“The bill’s very clearly drafted to say that it only applies where there’s a termination of pregnancy, ” Kinzer said. “I’m no medical expert and so I leave it to others to talk about which specific drugs are, in fact, abortion-inducing.” KC Star 3/29/2012

The bill is SB62 Here’s the deal business owners, this bill is so vague and it leaves no room for anyone to sue a pharmacist or doctor who doesn’t prescribe birth control. A pharmacist could decide that all birth control causes abortion by preventing pregnancy in the first place. If you decide to bring your business to Kansas you could risk bringing it to an area where your female employee could not get birth control. What does that mean? A lot to your business financially. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing when planned and wanted. Everyone agrees with that. However, we all know pregnancy costs an employer a lot of money! Without access to birth control, your employees are now faced with unwanted and unplanned pregnancies and that costs a lot to your bottom line in lost productivity, increased insurance costs and decreased employee moral.

Now, does this mean the entire state will be birth control free? Probably not at this point, but if Rep. Kinzer has his way it sure seems like that’s what he is going for. Also, what if you decide to move your business to a small town and the only local pharmacist decides not to stock birth control? Why risk it. What if the state outlaws Plan B in the entire state? At this point anything is possible.

I long for a time when my state government focused on jobs and the economy of KS. I wish they would work on making Kansas a state where businesses would want to relocate instead of creating law that is so hurtful to female employees. I am sorry potential Kansas business that you can’t have an opportunity to enjoy our schools, our beautiful parks and our wonderful food. In business, the bottom line counts. It wouldn’t make financial sense to move to a state that does not make sound decisions about legislation without thinking about the bottom line of Kansas businesses and instead put their own personal moral opinions in front of everything else. Remember, women are 50% of the workforce.

Enjoy your time in another state. You will be missed!

I guess that means more BBQ for me.



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My email to Sen. Merrick about SB 62 in Kansas

Dear Sen. Merrick,

I urge  you as a voter in your district not to vote for SB 62.  I understand by your voting record you are pro-life.  I respect the existence of pro-life and pro-choice Americans.  I do not believe the world needs an all or nothing stance.  However, this bill is too vague.  It will cause Kansas to open itself up to costly lawsuits in order to define this bill.  The state of Kansas cannot afford to waste any more money in the judicial system trying to define vague legislation.  

I know that as a fiscally responsible representative, you want to see Kansas thrive economically.  In a time when our state needs to focus on fiscally responsible legislation passing a bill like this is financially irresponsible. I would say this about any bill that is this vague in definition. This state is desperate to elect fiscally responsible politicians both Democrat and Republican.  Voting in legislation that will cost this state millions in legal fees does not make sense in a time when school funding is being cut, we desperately need job growth and our social programs are suffering from budget cuts. 

I am fine if you are pro-life just like you should recognize that  voters in your district are pro-choice.  Please continue to do your best to convince women not to seek abortion by preaching this message in your church and among your friends.  Please keep this vague and costly legislation out of our government.  Kansas simply can’t afford it.

I am confident you will do the right thing.  This voter is paying attention.


Betty Draper, please help me erase memory about eating placentas…

Dear January,

First, thank you so much and everyone involved in bringing Mad Men back last night.  I love the show.  I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the return of Don Draper and the rest of the cast.  I was almost in a frenzy last night when I realized I left for my weekly mah jongg game and  didn’t DVR the show.  Luckily my good Jewish mother saved me.  Now Mah Jongg isn’t something Betty would have played back then, probably just her Jewish friends played, that is if Betty had any Jewish friends.  Now that I think of it, Betty probably didn’t have any Jewish friends.  That was a time when rich whites weren’t so kosher with country club activities with blacks and Jews.   Well that sucks doesn’t it?  Screw you Betty Draper.

Oh sorry, misdirected and historical anger rant.  Back to my point.  Mad Men is back!  Television dialog that is subtle and smart and actors that can pull it off.  Fabulous!  You were  absent late last season because you were bringing into this world a bundle of joy named Xander.  First, two thumbs up! E”x”cellent use of the letter “X”.    I do love this name and I’ll admit I’m not a big fan of a lot of celebrity names these days.    The kid is screwed if he ever wants a mass customized cup, water bottle, pencil, place mat, etc.  However, you are a big celebrity so you can probably hire an artist to just paint his name on everything he wants so problem solved.  Not so easy when you are a mom here in middle America looking for items at Target.

Now, I am one of “those people” who read all of the gossip magazines.  I consider it mind candy when I need a break from figuring out how to solve Middle East peace or resolve famine in Africa, I read all about the Kardashians or the latest in the Real Housewives saga.  So when you turned up preggers, I, like everyone else, was curious who the baby daddy was.  Your message was loud and clear-I am not telling.  Fair enough.  As a celebrity, you do have a right to privacy.  I thought it was so cool that you wanted to keep something in your life private.

Ok, so now I have to ask, “why is it that I know you eat your son’s placenta?”

If I don’t know an easy question like who your baby daddy is, why do I know information like you eat your son’t placenta.  I was innocently reading an article about you and there it was.  I couldn’t erase it from my mind.  It is stuck there like the name of the Brady Bunch cat.  For the rest of my life I will know that and I don’t want to.  Your reason for eating your son’s placenta ground up into vitamin capsules – it gives you energy and we are the only animal species that doesn’t do it.

News Flash: There are lots of things we do that animals don’t do – wear fabulous heels, buy Mac lipstick, tweet, drink cosmos…

There are a lot of things that animals do that we don’t do: sniff eat other’s tushies, poop in public, chase down, kill and eat our dinners (well I can’t be 100% sure in some of the more “rural” places in the US)

Point is I’m cool with getting my energy from my extra large diet coke at McDonald’s or in my morning coffee.  Some people do it with a Red Bull and some people do it in a more healthy way.  I don’t really care, but like your baby daddy some things are better left kept to yourself.  Eat all the placenta you want, but in your new age coolness if you discover a way to erase unwanted memories, please look me up and send me that info.  I have a placenta memory that I am looking to erase.



Gov. Brownback – my proposal to create jobs & restrict women’s rights at the same time: a microchip

Governor Brownback, or Sam.. can I call you Sam?  I think I’m going to call you Sam since you are working so hard to control my vagina, I think that means we are becoming pretty intimate.  So I see you are all about job creation for Kansas per your press release today.  Thank God, oh excuse me, “goodness” that is something we can agree on!  I don’t think there is a person, republican or democrat, who disagrees with job creation.  It’s a great thing and especially a great thing for Kansas.  Technology jobs are a great thing for Kansas.  I was thinking about that today and also thinking about all of the restrictive legislation our great state of KS has proposed to limit my rights as a woman.  What would be a great way to create jobs, especially those in the tech industry and continue your fight to turn back the clock on women’s health to something equal to that of the Victorian era?

Ah ha!  I’ve got it!  Microchips.  Microchips are the thing that can solve all of our problems.  I know that they can be used to implant in the family pet. If Fido gets out, it can send a signal back to command center “Find Fido” and family pet can instantly be located on GPS.    My proposal is we build a plant right here in the great state of KS and develop these microchips to implant in a woman’s vagina.  Now, it sounds radical, but so did mandatory vaginal ultrasounds at one point.

Stay with me here, the microchips can monitor every part of a woman’s cycle and report all of the findings to her state government.  This would include all sexual partners, any form of birth control and any attempts to abort any pregnancies.  Once Christian conservatives have their way and outlaw all contraception, it can monitor a woman’s cycle and report back to the woman the “safe” times in a woman’s cycle to have sex to avoid pregnancy by sending out a series of signals.  I think we need to work on the signal part.  I’m not sure if the signals should be beeps or vibrations.  The beeps could be too loud and the vibrations…well, we wouldn’t want the women to get sexually aroused.  I mean, we all know that sex is purely for procreation only.  There should be no arousal or pleasure from sex by conservative republican standards.  Vibrations are definitely out now that I think about it.  That settles it, beeps are in. That could be slightly awkward if the signals went off while at work.  Oh well, government legislation has made sex lives of women so public I guess we should all get used to knowing the intimate details of everyone.  The microchip could monitor the number of sexual partners a woman has so it could determine the “slut” factor of a woman and report that finding back to a woman’s employer, her political party, her church, the government.

Republicans are all for cutting the size of government except when it comes to overseeing women’s bodies so let’s create a new government department (oh, I know hypocrisy of it all – insert flirty laugh).  We will call it the Department of Vagina.  This department will be in charge of monitoring all of this data.  No need for gynecologists anymore with this microchip.  We can let the physicians know that if you aren’t delivering babies there is no need to be examining lady parts anymore.  The government has this handled thank you very much!  I think this is going to be great.  We develop and manufacture this microchip here in KS.  Think of all of the conservative states that will be lining up to order this, TX, OK, VA…the list is endless.

Let me know what you think Sam.  It is definitely a win-win for the state of KS.  We will look like we are pushing the boundaries of technology, creating jobs and playing God in the process.  Isn’t that really what you are after anyway?  I also want to recommend a state motto change – Kansas: where your vagina is everyone’s business.

If the N word is “cute” one can only wonder what is considered hilarious

Racism against President Obama has gone viral.  There has been a bumper sticker featured that shows Obama’s brand with a slash through it and it reads “Don’t Re-Nig 2012″.  Sure enough, this little gem comes from Paula Smith and her company “Stickatude”.  I read an interview with Paula featured in Forbes.


First, I couldn’t believe the interview is running in Forbes.  In Touch I could see, even People, but I have a hard time believing that Paula even knows what Forbes is, let alone that she agreed to an exclusive interview.  Anyway, Ms. Smith doesn’t believe the N word even means black person, but instead says this,  “According to the dictionary [the N word] does not mean black. It means a low down, lazy, sorry, low down person. That’s what the N word means.”

Earth to Ms. Smith, either you need a quick history lesson or you are living in a wonderful world of denial.   Now I am well aware that world of denial usually involves some home brew narcotic and that’s why I have to show ID every time I need a decongestant at my local drug store.

Ms. Smith goes on to say, ““I do find it amazing and entertaining that one of our stickers has become a racist thing,” Isn’t that just the funniest thing Ms. Smith that a bumper sticker with the word nigger in it would go on to become a “racist thing”.  How on earth do you think that would happen?  Maybe because it has one of the most offensive words ever used to describe a race of people?  Could that have something to do with it?  I can’t wait to read the stickers about the Holocaust.  That should be hilarious.

Now I didn’t want to judge a book by the cover, so I needed to do some investigative research.  I went to Stickatude to find out more about the products Ms. Smith sells.  In case you fellow racists were wondering, the “Don’t Re-Nig” sticker is sold out.  I’m sure your local KKK chapter has other racist items that they would be happy to sell you.  If you can’t wait, here are some other gems for purchase off of Stickatude:

“Lift your truck, Fat chicks can’t climb”.  Just a little observation, how would the driver of truck get in it?  Usually the driver has not missed a super sized meal. Hum..I’m going to have to think about this one.

“Jesus Loves You, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”  This one will be wonderful sitting outside of your rural church on Sundays.

“Shock me and say something intelligent”  Probably someone with this on their vehicle has a pretty low shock standard.

On to the “political” section.  There is a disclaimer at the top where Ms. Smith says she is neither democrat or republican, but an American.  She is anti-Obama and pro-gun (shocker) and all for supporting our troops.

“Let men marry men, and women marry women.  In three generations there won’t be any democrats.” A racist and homophobic.  Awesome combination Ms. Smith although not surprising I must add.

“Somewhere in Kenya a village lost its idiot” Obama is not from Kenya so this one doesn’t even make sense.  I believe the idiot is you Ms. Smith

“God, Guns and Guts Made America.  Let’s Keep All Three.”

This last one leads me to the most interesting tab on this website…”Christian Stickas”

Ms. Smith goes from her racist, homophobic stickers to her stickers that call people fat and stupid and then she has a tab devoted to the lord, Jesus Christ.

“America Needs a Faith Lift”  Yes, Ms. Smith, please take note.

“God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.”  Couldn’t agree more Ms. Smith.

“Heading the wrong direction, God allows u-turns.” Can I take this little beauty and stick it over your mouth?

I beg you Ms. Smith, please take all the money you will make on your sudden fame and take a sensitivity training.   This might also be a good time to study up on American history.  Know that the word nigger is absolutely not “cute”, it is hurtful and racist.  Whether you like President Obama’s politics or not, he is still our President and he deserves to be treated with respect.  Just because you know a black person that does not make immune from racism.    I’m all for Christianity, even though I’m Jewish, but the good part about Christianity.  I didn’t see a Jew hating bumper sticker, but I probably didn’t look hard enough.  If bumper sticker intelligence is all you have, please read the Christian Sticka tab on your own website and take some of those messages to heart.  It’s the least you can do since you have embarrassed yourself.  I’m not fully sure you even understand that.  Then again who am I…oh that’s right, just a Jewish, heterosexual democrat, fat chick who hates guns, loves Obama and I’ve never played paint ball-so summed up not your “demographic”.  You might want to look that word up in  your dictionary.




My apology – take note Rush

It has been brought to my attention in the past day that I owe someone an apology.  When I launched this blog, I indicated that I was raising my daughter “alone”.  I don’t remember what caused my to write this.  Probably it was just my mindset at the time.  I would like to clarify that I am hardly raising my child “alone”.  My child has her father and he is a wonderful dad.  We may be divorcing, but he is an excellent dad who has always done more than his fair share of the work raising her.  He builds an excellent jungle gym in the backyard by the way.

When Hillary Clinton coined the term, “it takes a village”, girlfriend wasn’t kidding.  I want to thank the following people: my parents who spoil the crap out of her and love her like only grandparents can, her preschool teachers, her swimming teacher, soccer coach, babysitters, parents of friends who watch her on play dates, my friends, the stranger in the grocery store who alerted me when she went running for the exit, her pediatrician, dentist for keeping her teeth beautiful, neighbors who don’t mind it when she just walks in to say hi, the vet for answering her questions, the McDonalds drive through people, the Costco exit people for being patient while she hands them the receipt, our local ice cream shop and anyone else I forgot.  

I am hardly doing this “alone”.  I don’t know anyone who really is.  It was crazy for me to think for a second that was my reality, let alone type it in my blog.  For that, I am really sorry. (see Rush that is how easy it is).



I have uncovered why moms are so exhausted! Read it right here.

I started listening to myself this morning as I was getting myself ready for work and my daughter ready for school.  Harry is our cat.   I thought this would make a funny one woman play starring someone like Debra Messing or Kate Walsh as me. Here is what came out of my mouth this morning in a one hour time span from 6:30 am – 7:30 am:

Good morning sweetie.  Time to get up.  Are you up?  Come on, I said get up.  Go on.  It’s time to start your day.  Get dressed.  Hurry up and get dressed.  (15 minutes pass) Did you brush your teeth?  Brush your teeth?  Did you brush your hair?  Get out of the sink Harry.  Get down.  I said get down.  Get your socks on.  Where are your shoes.  Get out of the cabinets, Harry.  Go on, get out.  I said, get your shoes on.  I don’t want to see you again until you have shoes on your feet.  No, goldfish are not for breakfast.  Yes, you can have a glass of milk.  Get the cat off the table.  Harry, get off the table.  Do you have your shoes on?  No, you don’t need a bra you are only 5.  Yes, you will grow boobies when you get older.  Yes, that is funny.  Now go get your shoes on.  Get the cat out of the sink on your way upstairs.  Harry, get out of the sink. Did you brush your teeth like I said?  I’m serious.  No, I’m not angry just frustrated because my daughter won’t listen.  No I won’t “simmer down”.  Where did you learn “simmer down”?  Back to the point, brush your teeth.  I’ve got 5 minutes and then I’m out the door.  Did I say five?  I meant two.  Hurry up.  I said you are eating breakfast at school.  Grab a juice box for the car.  Stop singing “simmer down”.  It’s not a song and it’s not funny.  No I’m not laughing.  Let’s go.  I’m leaving right now.

Out the door…

Get in the car and get buckled in.  Are you buckled in?  I said, get buckled in.  I’m not talking to you until you are buckled in.  Didn’t I say goldfish aren’t for breakfast?  How did you get the goldfish?  Where is your coat?  Did you bring your coat?  Yes, I have the Mama Mia CD.  I know, Sophie didn’t get married because she didn’t go to college first.  Yes, all girls should go to college first before getting married.  Remember, no getting married until you are at least 30.  No, I won’t stop singing because it hurts your ears.  We’re here.  Get out of the car please.  Put your coat on.  No, it’s not warm enough to go without a coat.  Put your coat on.  I don’t care that you think it’s too hot.  Put your coat on.  Now.  Put your coat on now.  It’s really not the end of the world.  When you are a mom, you can make the rules.

This is dedicated to all the moms out there who wonder why one simple task has them so exhausted.  To mom’s with more than one child, I honestly don’t know how you do it.  To those who read this and think they could do it better than I can, please judge me.  I judge you all the time.  It’s only fair.  Anyway, I’m too exhausted to defend myself.


A suburban mom of one

What America can learn from Amina Filali & how Santorum is part of the problem.

I’m taking off my bejeweled thong from yesterday and putting on my more serious thinking cap today.  There was a story out today that a young girl, 16 year old Amina Filali from Morocco was raped and then by Moroccan law was forced to marry her rapist.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-17379721

In conservative parts of Morocco, it dishonors a family if a girl loses her virginity before marriage. A  judge can order the rapist to marry his victim and restore the family’s honor.  According to the story from the BBC, that is what happened in Amina’s case.  She married her rapist and then went on to drink rat poison and kill herself. This has caused international outrage that a law like the one in Morocco even exists.  Hopefully, with the world paying attention, the Moroccan law will be changed.  I hope, but in my pessimistic state of mind right now regarding the state of women, my conclusion is…don’t bet on it.

As I was thinking about the Filali family this morning and what they must be going through, the thought kept racing through my mind, “making the best out of a bad situation”.  In their part of the world, family honor is everything.  I am sure the Filali’s did not want their daughter to kill herself.  I hope, as parents, they just wanted to make the best out of a horrible situation.  That same phrase kept running through my mind, “make the best out of a bad situation.”  They just wanted to make the best out of a bad situation and that was marrying off their now “dishonorable” daughter to the man who dishonored her.  As disgusting as this sounds to the western world, that was probably their and the court’s mindset.

Who the hell said that recently?  I know I heard that before…it was an American.  Someone in the public eye.  Then it dawned on me. Here is where I heard it,


Rick Santorum.  That is where I heard it recently.  He was describing a pregnancy that was creating out of rape.  Keeping the pregnancy was also “making the best out of a bad situation”.  What’s the difference here really?  Either way the girl or woman is constantly reminded of her trauma over and over again forcing her to be re traumatized constantly.  What makes us think that in Santorum’s world we would be immune from women committing suicide to escape their torture just as Amina escaped hers?

As Santorum continues to win state after state in the primaries, it is not from his spectacular economic policy, it is from his old world social policies that appeal to people.  How can we, America, be really shocked and outraged at what happens in Morocco when we are taking step after step backwards in this country to do things not far off from what happened in Morocco?  Just think about it. Forced and unnecessary vaginal ultrasounds, women having to plead their case for contraception, abortions outlawed in all cases.

I can hear people now saying, “well it’s not like we would ever be that radical.”  Oh really?  I hope to God we would never have our women marry our rapists to uphold our honor, but I never thought we would be outlawing sex education, make contraceptives so shameful that women have to prove on a monthly pain scale why they are justified in taking them and make traumatized women carry their pregnancies to term.  I never thought we would allow doctors to lie to women or we would even consider make practicing medicine a crime.

I encourage you to go online and learn more about Amina’s case.  Learn more about the state of women’s issues all over the world.  I had tea once with a man in Burkina Faso who told me he respected women and so he was only going to have six wives instead of eight.  He was in his late 40s and his 16 year old first wife was serving tea.  Her young daughter was with her and she was already sold into marriage.  The man received a few camels and a donkey for her.  Never in my life have I never wanted to grab a child and run away.  I didn’t, because I knew I could not do anything in that case except enjoy my tea and learn about their customs.  In this case, I feel like I can do a little something by writing this blog and pointing out America that before we are outraged over seas, we need to look here at ourselves and get our own act together.  Do I think there is a “war on women”?  No, but I think there is some really repressive legislation going on here that needs to stop so we don’t inch closer to resemble more extreme countries around the world. Let’s continue to move forward instead of taking massive steps back.  I only want to make the best out of great situations here in America.

Fashion Star…excuse me, is that a Victoria Secret thong on your head?

Well, it’s time to lighten things up on this blog.  Yes, I know there was another shooting today at a public place and I know there was another restrictive contraceptive bill introduced in Arizona, but really, don’t we all just want to take a second and chat about the new hit from NBC, Fashion Star?  Well, even if you don’t, I’m going to!  I never have been into the Fashion Runway stuff.  I don’t sew, I did take sewing class in 7th grade.  I received a barely passing grade and a call home from my teacher because of my “attitude problem”.  I hit my sewing machine for not cooperating with me.  I managed to sew a skit, but the pockets were upside down and  the hem was at an angle-and not in a good way.  There is a reason why I am the fourth generation  in my family of women who can’t even sew on a button.  I think it’s a genetic problem.

I happened to turn on the debut of Fashion Star on NBC.   There are the mentors: Jessica Simpson (pre-pregnancy – so it must be like 15 months ago because this is the longest pregnancy ever), Nicole Richie and some guy that I can’t identify.   Then there are buyers of three department stores: Saks, Macy’s and H&M.  The designers do a runway fashion show of their designs and the buyers decide if they want to make an offer for their clothes.  Easy enough.  The mentors are there to provide a nugget of advice from their vast amount of fashion wisdom to the young designers.  Of course, to provide dramatic effect, there is a sweet back story on each of the designers so we can get emotionally attached to them and their journey through the harsh jungle of retail hell.

Now, I don’t think that NBC meant for this little gem to be a comedy, but I could not stop laughing the entire time.  Here are some of the highlights:

Nicole Richie Steals the Spotlight on Fashion Star

Blinged up chain thong hopefully available to suburban mom''s everywhere soon!

First, the fact that the “mentors” consist of Jessica Simpson and Nicole Richie had me rolling.  Nicole, sweetie, the jeweled headpiece you were wearing looked like a jeweled thong from Victoria Secret on your head. You are beautiful, I am not saying you aren’t smart, but I don’t consider you a “fashion mentor”. It was also not too long ago that you were wearing fashions that we now find on Jersey Shore when you were Paris Hilton’s side kick on the Simple Life.

I believe the only difference between now and then, besides a lot of uneaten food is a stylist.  I wasn’t aware that you put yourself through design school with all of your free time in between marrying your cute rocker husband, birthing Sparrow and Harlow and all of the Red Carpet functions you have been attending.  Where did all of this fashion knowledge come from to suddenly declare yourself a “mentor”?  The same goes for you Jessica, darling.  Of course, I am just a dumpy suburban mom in middle America, what the hell do I know?  Maybe sometime soon, we all will be wearing Victoria Secret thongs on our heads and shopping at the local Price Chopper.  One can only hope!

Now, almost all of the designer were given a “no offer” for their designs.  It was like the ending of Intervention when you find out the addict didn’t make it through rehab except over and over and over until I wanted to scream, “What’s the POINT!”  Back in the designer gathering room of shame, there needed to be an open bar and a bowl of free Xanax just to get them through the horror of rejection.  There was one designer from South America who wore felt top hats and rode a donkey instead of a car in TX (I think it was TX) who couldn’t stop crying no matter what he was doing.  Nicole summed this up as “passion” for his work.  No, I’ll just call that depression or nervous break down in the making.  Not being able to stop crying is not what I would call passion, but a symptom of other problems.  Maybe because Mr. Top Hat couldn’t afford a car and was riding around TX on a donkey in 2012 might have something to do with it.  Some sugar daddy buy this poor boy a vehicle.  That would be my mentor advice, but hey, I’m not a mentor so what would I know?

Another guy who designed Michael Jackson “Beat It” Jackets (google that Gen Y) in various colors of earth tones said women didn’t understand high fashion so he discredited the mentors advice, because it was too critical.  They sent him packing.  Hey buddy, I’m the only one who can point out that the mentors advice is silly for a whole host of reasons, but not because women don’t understand high fashion.  That was totally uncool.

I will turn in next week for more fortune cookie words of advice from our mentors, more high drama from donkey riding designer and most of all for the laughs.  For now, I’m going to take my Victoria Secret thong, bedazzel it and head to my local grocery store in Johnson County, KS.  If Nicole can rock it so can I!


HB 2598, a letter to Kansas about your great fairy tale

Dear State of Kansas:

In my free time, I love to read restrictive abortion legislation. Tonight, it was between your house bill 2598 and the latest People Magazine. Sure enough, your HB 2598 proved to be more thrilling than Kim Kardashian’s latest love interest. As thrilling as it was, there are some things I think I should point out to you, Kansas. See, the plot was good and character development was excellent; princess played by the pregnant woman, dragon played by doctor, brave and honest prince played by you, the state of Kansas. So the plot, princess gets herself pregnant and seeks out a legal abortion. Dragon attempts to give her a legal abortion, but wait…brave and honest prince, (state of KS) comes to save her. Brave and honest prince does this by various measures:

1. Allows the husband and/or parents if princess is under 18 to sue the doctor for cost x 3 of abortion plus attorney costs.

2. Provide princess scientifically inaccurate information that was written directly from a so called “crisis pregnancy center” to princess.

3. Charging dragon with a Class A misdemeanor for violating unfair rules put in place by brave and honest prince!

Now I have read my share of fairy tales since I am raising a beautiful, adopted 5 year old daughter. In my fair tales, the prince is usually applauded for his use of bravery and honesty when saving the princess. What I think you lack here, State of KS is the honesty part.

First, I do not have a law degree like the brilliant minds who must have written this legislation, so I may be totally off base, but I don’t think it is going to be possible to prosecute #1. See if the abortion happens, proving paternity is impossible. It is written into the legislation that if the person is “married” then husband will be able to sue. Here is an example of the defense I would use to fight this, “I cheated”. I rest my case. Your assumption here State of KS is that all married people are faithful and therefore, all pregnancies must be the husband’s. Isn’t that cute! Your innocence is part of your charm. That is further proof this is a fairy tale.

Second., have you read the “required material” you are asking that clinics hand out? The information is unproven - including risk of premature birth in future pregnancies, risk of breast cancer..This is your fiction not mine. Aren’t you worried about setting a precedence here. You are giving the ok for doctors to hand out false information in this country and they can use the defense, “the dragons did it”. Also, I don’t think in your required material you need to put the part about the egg and sperm meeting to create pregnancy. The princess probably gets that or they wouldn’t be seeking an abortion in the first place. Maybe that part is better served for our youth to know how not to end up facing the dragon in the first place. Also, in fetal development, you left out the stage where the fetus tap dances.

Third, do you really want to charge dragon with a misdemeanor? Practicing medicine should never be a crime in this country. I know that brave princes receive a lot of political donations from doctors. If you start charging any of them with crimes this might cause some doctors to pull some of their campaign contributions. They might not love that princes’s in this country are acting like God and charging anyone in their profession with a crime for performing legal procedures.

Now my brave prince, I know you honor the Kings of the Castle (a.k.a. the Founding Fathers of our Constitution) The Kings wrote this little gem:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

See my brave and honest prince, you do a great job with the life and liberty part, especially when defending your right to own assault weapons, but you fall short on the pursuit of happiness portion. I argue that the princesses may seek out the legal option of abortion for various reason, but one may be because of what the founding fathers, I mean, the kings, said was a right endowed by their Creator to the American people…the pursuit of happiness and that is no fairy tale but a very real possibility. It is not your job to continue qualifying everything to your liking. This falls into liberty or freedom like freedom of choice and if that choice is pursuit of happiness the kings have blessed that choice. It is not for you to say if they did or not. I will interpret their intentions to say they did. (and you will interpret their intentions to say they did not so we cancel each other out-sticking out my tongue like a 5 year old)

Thank you brave and honest prince for reading my letter. I enjoyed reading your fairy tale, I mean HB 2598. I hope you know that by voting this bill into law, you are handicapping the state of Kansas to defend expensive lawsuits and costly materials that are false in information. I agree that you have a right to be pro-life, but please keep that mission to your churches and neighborhoods. I prefer my tax dollars not be spent writing fairy tales.

Thank you,

the wicked witch of Johnson County, KS

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