Top 5 reasons my cat is on anti-depressant

I have a house cat named Harry.  Harry is almost two years old.  I recently had to put  Harry on anti-depressants.  His love for snacking on my ankles was just more than I can take and I realized he’s not “growing out of it”.

Let me just say for the record that I am completely aware of my first world problem.  A bummed out cat who needs to be medicated puts me in a schmuck category that I may never overcome.

Next up I’ll be complaining that my weekly massage wasn’t strong enough and how I can’t wait until November to vote for Romney.

So here is Harry’s top 5 reasons he is on an anti-depressant:

Number 5

I eat the same food every day and it’s just so dry. I long for variety.

Number 4

My owner named me after a grumpy, old Jewish man.  I’m just acting the part.

Number 3

I’m not a lion.

Number 2

I’ve been living a lie…I’m really an outdoor cat.

The number one reason Harry is on anti-depressants:

Have you met my owner?  Enough said.

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Akin says McCaskill isn’t “ladylike”

Congressman Akin,

Leave it to you dust off a phrase that women rarely hear these days.

“I think we have a very clear path to victory, and apparently Claire McCaskill thinks we do, too, because she was very aggressive at the debate, which was quite different than it was when she ran against Jim Talent,” Akin said. “She had a confidence and was much more ladylike (in 2006), but in the debate on Friday she came out swinging, and I think that’s because she feels threatened.”

Lucky for you, I am a lady and I pride myself on ladylike behavior. If I wasn’t such a lady I would have no problem pointing out how insulting comments like this are towards your opponent. I would probably say thank goodness McCaskill is going to kick your ass in a very “manlike” way in the upcoming election. That is of course if I wasn’t such a lady.
If I wasn’t such a pillar of womanhood, I would tell you that comments like the one aimed at McCaskill and the other one where you qualified rape make you seem like a sexist pig.
One thing I will point out in the most virtuous way possible for me to maintain my ladylike demeanor is that maybe McCaskill wouldn’t come out swinging so hard if there wasn’t so much to swing at. It’s amazing to me that McCaskill can contain herself as much as she does when she is running a campaign against a man who would be perfect for an election if it were held in 1812 instead of 2012.
The fact that you have made it this far in politics with this type of mentality about women is beyond me and most ladies that I know. (I can type all of this while still keeping my ankles crossed and not showing too much cleavage during the day.)
May your defeat be swift and leave a mark on all GOP who believe like you. I think you are going to be delivered a very unladylike message in November and I can’t wait to watch that happen.
Yours in ladylikeness,
Aimee

No More Conceal Carry in KS, Now Just Carry

Well, yeeefreakin’haw!  Welcome to the wild west folks!  I’m reporting to you live from Overland Park, Kansas.  The Overland Park city council just voted to allow legal gun owners to carry their loaded guns openly.  No more “conceal” in “conceal and carry”.  Now we are all openly packing heat.

Now to be clear, it’s not like all gun owners are having a free-for-all and walking down Main St. with our guns at the ready.  The guns have to be in holsters and the safety has to be engaged.

Other changes soon coming to the city of Overland Park, KS:

1.  Unpaving of the roads.  Since we are all carrying our guns down Main St., we need to get that old west feel back.  The cit will soon be unpaving all of the roads so that if there is a shoot out on Main St the dust can kick up behind the cowboys just like in the movies.

2.  Attracting new business for saloons.  The Overland Park Chamber of Commerce will be working on an initiative to open more saloons in town.  Once thought of as a thing of the past, a cowboy or cowgirl can get super thirsty carrying around our guns.  We need more saloons in town to have our shot of Wild Turkey during a busy day.

3.  Going to a greener type of transportation mode.  The City of Overland Park will also seek to get our citizens back to riding horses as a means of transportation.  Lessons in history tell us shooting a gun via horseback is much easier than in our cars.  The new initiative will have local businesses installing hitching posts out front.  It’s a win-win with horseback transportation being good for the environment and creating new jobs in a once dead industry-hitch post making.

City of Overland Park, I applaud you for getting things back to a simpler time.  Life was so much better on the prairie when there was one sheriff in town and a guy could get himself shot for looking at somebody funny.

 

Gingrich and Akin – New BFFs

Looks like the political world has a new Gwenyth and Madonna or Ben and Matt.  The newest couple on the bromance political circuit is none other than Newt Gingrich and Todd Akin.  Akin, we all remember has the struggling senate campaign against Claire McCaskill in Missouri.  Akin quickly lost his running to be voted most likely to succeed when he tried to explain a female’s reproductive system and how it responds to rape.  Gingrich is supporting Akin at fundraisers in MO and trying to dig Akin’s campaign out of the funeral plot it finds itself in.

Since this friendship came out of nowhere, one must assume Akin consulted the Girl’s Life article “How to make new friends by lunch–really.”   http://www.girlslife.com/post/2012/07/19/How-to-make-friends-by-lunchreally.aspx

 

Let’s see what the article says and how Akin and Gingrich measure up-

Tried and True

Don’t be afraid to just introduce yourself to the girl sitting one desk over. Sure, it’s awkward to say, “Hi, my name is __________,” and then let it hang there. So don’t. Introduce yourself, and after she responds with her name, follow up with a question about how long she’s gone to the school or where her locker is this year. And in the awkward event that she just stares at you and doesn’t respond with her name, be prepared just to jump straight into your question. If you ask her something directly, hopefully she won’t be so rude that she won’t respond at all.

Akin:  “Hi my name is Todd.  I’ve managed to alienate 50% of our population with my comments about abortion and rape.  Newt, you’ve been in politics for a long time and we all know you took a cruise during a crucial time in your run for presidency that caused most of your staff to quit.  Can you tell me  how you felt when so many people quit on you like the Republican leadership has quit on me?”

Just like the article says, putting it all out there at first and then following up with a nice question pointing out similarities can create an instant bond.

That Awkward Moment When…

Pay attention to anything out-of-the-ordinary or funny that happens in your first few classes, and comment on it when you run into one of your classmates in the hall later. The best is if you can make a joke out of it, and use that to get the chitchat flowin’. Something like, “So does it usually sound like they’re shouting the morning announcements in your ear, or was the loudspeaker just turned up in honor of the first day?” Be careful with your jokin’, though, and don’t mention any people – you never know who could be creepin’ up behind you and get offended.

Akin to Gingrich, “Isn’t that hilarious how I manage to say something that caused the Republican leadership to go running for the hills?  Those silly Republicans think they can scare me out of the race by pulling all my endorsements and money.  Still I’m somehow managing to get press by staying in the race and really pushing the Republicans buttons.  By not getting out the race, I could easily hand this victory to my opponent, Clare McCaskill.  Hilarious!”  They both fall to the floor in hysterics.

Dish Out the Compliments           

If you heart the pants that your locker neighbor is wearing, tell her. She probably put tons of thought into her BTS outfit just like you did, and she’ll appreciate someone noticing it. You can then ask her where she got them, or move on to a new topic once you’ve gotten her attention. Just be careful not to gush too much – you don’t wanna come off as a spaz. A simple compliment and a smile will go a long way.

Akin to Newt, “I think this wife is by far the best wife.  I know your previous lifestyle of marital infidelities goes against my strong, fundamentalist Christian values, but as long as we keep the gays from marrying, we will let Jesus decide.”

And there you have it.  The Gingrich and Akin friendship is one based in similar experience that will stand the test of time.  I’m sure this friendship will extend far beyond just this political race.

A few key questions, a lot of compliments and similar circumstances of alienation that can keep them laughing for a lifetime of friendship.

 

Gov. Brownback may miss deadline to pick insurance for KS

Governor Brownback,

 

I know you are really, really busy.  I’m sure you are busy with governor stuff like cutting some school funding, slashing more arts spending, or possibly even praying in our government buildings, but if I can just interrupt for a quick second.

http://www.kansas.com/2012/01/09/2168849/brownback-others-pray-for-guidance.html

See there is a deadline looming that I think you are aware of.  September 30th is the deadline where states need to decide what health insurance coverage it is going to provide based on a federal mandate by the Affordable Care Act:

http://www.kansascity.com/2012/09/06/3800625/kansas-insurance-commissioner.html

If you don’t pick something by September 30th the federal government will do it for you.  I think we all know how you and fellow Republicans feel about state’s rights.

Now rumor has it you are dragging your feet, because you feel strongly that The Affordable Care Act will be repealed when Mitt Romney is elected President.

“Brownback has been a vocal opponent of the Affordable Care Act and said he wants to wait until after the Nov. 6 election before making any decisions. Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to repeal the act if he is elected. Last year, Brownback sent back a $31.5 million federal grant to set up a health insurance exchange.”

With all due respect Governor Brownback, Romney isn’t having a stellar week or entire campaign for that matter.  Might I suggest not putting all those eggs in that basket?

If you don’t want the Department of Health and Human Services dictating insurance benefits for Kansans, let’s not have a “wait and see” approach to who is going to become our next President.

I don’t want to be accused of witchcraft, but I think the tea leaves are reading pretty clear on this one-   Romney is not going to be elected as our next President.  In case you haven’t noticed, his campaign is in a tailspin.

I totally understand the disappointment you must be feeling.  I feel that way all the time living as a liberal in a conservative state like Kansas.  Lots and lots of disappointment is part of the territory.

Swallow your pride, do what is right and pick what coverage is best for Kansans.  The Insurance Commission is waiting.

Since you are such a strong believer in the power of prayer, I believe Romney could use all you have right now.  Just do me a favor and if you are going to pray for Romney, do it somewhere other than at the Capitol.

 

Thanks,

Aimee

Romney is guilty of making most Americans feel like crap

Eureka!  I’ve figured out what is wrong with the Romney campaign.  Now, I’m no political analyst by profession.  I’m just a divorced, working mom who loves politics.  I’m going to lay out what is wrong with the Romney campaign and I can sum it up in one sentence:

Romney continues to make average Americans feel like crap.

That was complex, right?  Can you believe that no one pays me for this analysis?  Shocker!   It isn’t complex, but I think it gets right to the heart of what’s wrong with Mitt Romney for President.

It seems in my unprofessional opinion that the reason that Romney is losing this campaign is that he continually makes Americans feel terrible.  I feel like his people should issue an apology before he ever opens his mouth.

Obama may have won on “hope” and “change” and it is debatable if that is what he delivered, but most Americans want to feel “hope” and feel they can be part of “change”.

Romney has done nothing in this campaign except continue to make people feel terrible.

I’ll use myself as an example.  Romney recently declared that middle-class is anyone making $250,000 and below.  For a candidate who already has an issue with trying to relate to your everyday American, setting the bar that “middle-class” is at $250,000 is outrageous.  I work hard, but I make a fraction (and I do mean a fraction) of that amount.  What does that make me?  The working poor?  Did Romney just move me into a different class and I wasn’t even aware of it.  Thanks a lot buddy!

Now video is out from Romney that claims that people who use government assistance view themselves as “victims”.  

Nothing about what he said is overly outrageous.  I mean this has been the Republican party line for a while now.  I think the outrage comes down to the fact that it is just another day and another category of Americans that he has made feel like crap.

So what if Romney was at a fundraiser in Boca Raton?  Having high dollar political fundraiser is common to both sides.  Can anyone say Jay-Z and Beyonce for Obama?  (I donate my money to Obama, I’m waiting for my all expense paid trip to the fundraiser!)

The bigger issue is the campaign has no hope.  There is no inspiration.  If an American needs government assistance, they are “victims”.  If you don’t make $250,000 per year, you are poor.  If you are gay, you are wrong, if you aren’t Christian you don’t belong.  I could keep going, but you get my point.

Romney is going to need to have universal healthcare on his platform, because most Americans are going to need anti-depressants before this campaign is over.  Romney is totally bumming us out.  

One thing I’ve learned about playing tennis (and not very well by the way) is just get the ball back over the net and let the other guy make the error.  The odds are that the other guy will beat himself and you don’t have to work so hard trying to make great shots every time.  

Romney, the ball is in your court.

 

Encore Post: My Love Letter to Kirk Cameron dedicated to the Values Voters Summit

My childhood crush, Kirk Cameron was on the public stage again just yesterday.  I knew he was there, because my girlish heart skipped a beat.  He was the featured speaker at the Values Voters Summit being held in Washington, DC.

http://www.valuesvotersummit.org/speakers

Sharing the stage with many political figures like our own VP nominee Paul Ryan, and GOP Presidential nominee Mitt Romney, I thought I would dedicate this post to an earlier post of mine when Kirk shared his views on homosexuality.  Since he is now a national figure and an expert on values, I think we should all be reminded about his interview with Piers Morgan on CNN that left so many talking.  It may beg the question why Romney and Paul would share the stage with someone with view such as these?  Stephen Baldwin must have been busy.  Ah well, what do I know?  I’ll leave that to their top notch political campaign strategists.

Somehow I wasn’t invited to the Values Voters Summit.  Probably my invite was lost in the mail. Oh well, maybe next year or after this post maybe not.

Enjoy,

Aimee

________________________________________________________________________________________________

My darling Kirk,

It’s been a really long time for the two of us. 26 years later to be exact, I am sure you remember me and our moment. Our moment may have been 26 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Since you have been in the news so much these past few days it has jogged my memory of that special moment.

It was an extremely hot summer, Kansas City day at Worlds of Fun. For those of you not from Kansas City, Worlds of Fun is the same as Six Flags or Busch Gardens. Worlds of Fun has amusement park rides and attractions and on this hot summer day it was hosting my biggest attraction in hot teenage crushes, Kirk Cameron of Growing Pains.

I was there with all of the other teenage, screaming girls in the aluminum stands of Worlds of Fun that day. We were baking like potatoes with the hot burning sun glaring off of the aluminum stands, but we waited to see our crush. There was rumor that day that a young girl fainted from heat and was taken behind stage and met Kirk. I remember the thought crossing my mind, could I fake a believable faint? Do you think people would believe it if I suddenly wilted into a ball. Would you run out to catch me in my moment of need? I didn’t have the guts to try it so I just stood there and sweated in all of my teenage, disgusting glory waiting for my idol.

Out you came like a dream. You weren’t sweating like the rest of us. You were magnificent. I remember standing there and thinking that if I didn’t scream like those silly girls maybe, just maybe, you would notice me. Then it happened. I am positive it happened. Our eyes locked. For a split second our eyes locked. You may have been far away, up on the Worlds of Fun stage and I may have been a spec of color in the landscape of Bonnie Bell lip gloss and blue eye shadow, but I am sure our eyes met. I know for that second, you knew I was there. How did I know? My heart skipped a beat and I am positive yours did as well.

Because of our shared moment that I know you remember, I am going to share a word of advice my long lost love. See I heard about what you said on Piers Morgan the other night. Piers asked you about homosexuality and gay marriage and you said that it was “unnatural”, “detrimental”, and “ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization.”

Well one thing we can’t say is you are vague on this position now can we? I was well aware that you went on the roller coaster ride of fundamental Christianity and never came off some time ago. I’ll admit that is when my girl crush faded, and your show was cancelled, oh and I grew up and frankly you outgrew your boyish good looks. Anyway, back to my point.

After you dropped these little bombs on Piers, you seemed to be shocked by mainstream America’s outrage that erupted on social media. That led you to follow up with a statement today that basically read that you love all people. Here is your statement:

“I should be able to express moral views on social issues, especially those that have been the underpinning of Western civilization for 2,000 years — without being slandered, accused of hate speech, and told from those who preach ‘tolerance’ that I need to either bend my beliefs to their moral standards or be silent when I’m in the public square.”

I believe we need to learn how to debate these things with greater love and respect. I’ve been encouraged by the support of many friends (including gay friends, incidentally).”

Sweetie, I know I can call you sweetie, because we shared that special moment, here are some things I need to point out to you about your statement. I think I am going to declare myself the smarter one in this 26 year relationship of ours so just follow my lead.

A debate about a social issue such as this would revolve around if gay marriage should be legal, not around if homosexuality is the cause of the destruction of the foundation of our civilization. Most sane people do not believe that homosexuality has caused the destruction of the foundation of our civilization. That is where the hate speech part comes in honey. Gay people are guilty of a lot of things: singing songs that will bring a tear to my eye every time I hear them. They have provided some amazing interior design for some of the finest hotels I have been blessed to stay in. They have colored my hair to a fabulous shade of caramel brown that actual matched the speckles in my brown eyes. They have designed the most breath taking gowns to ever drape a starlet’s body as proved by every year’s awards season, but destroy the foundation of our civilization they have not even come close.

If that kind of talk is what you view as “loving all people”, then please keep that love talk among fellow Christian fundamentalists like yourself. I’ll do myself a favor and not rekindle our relationship again by seeing this new movie you have out. When you are really ready to debate a social issue like gay marriage, let society know. The first step in having that debate would be acknowledging that homosexuality is not “unnatural”, but something that God made happen the same way he made our love happen on that hot summer day at World’s of Fun.

You have every right to express your views, as hateful as they may be and we have every right to respond. Here’s the deal Kirk, if your belief in God is so strong, how about if you leave the harsh judging to Him? An answer to Piers’ questions the other night could have gone like this….

“Kirk, how do you feel about gay marriage?”

“Piers, I am not for gay marriage.”

See how easy that was. You could have left the whole destruction of the foundation of our civilization thing out of it. Even if you are thinking it. Like, right now I am thinking you are a douche for saying something like that about a group of people that only crime is they want to be in love. How could somebody who claims to be so religious be so hateful? What kind of idiot would go on national television, especially a C level actor who nobody is even paying much attention to, spout off such bigoted hatred. See I am thinking all of that, but I would never say something like that. I mean, I would never say that to the public, but this is just between you and me.

I am so glad we had this opportunity to catch up. I know, like on that day at Worlds of Fun, our connection is real. If my faith in you is as strong as your faith in God, hopefully you will see the light and take your own words to heart about truly loving all people. Love all people and leave the judging to God. I know he has judged me for that blue eye shadow I was wearing when our love was ignited that day at Worlds of Fun. I’ll have to deal with that when my time is up on this earth. I guess you’ll have to deal with your judgments as well.

Good luck with that.

Take note other states, KS has the most agreeable Board of Objections in the land

Since Kansas can’t seem to go a day without embarassing ourselves, today was like no other.  Today the Kansas Board of Objections met to hear a claim filed by Joe Montgomery, a resident of Manhattan (that would be the little apple) claiming that President Obama should not be on the November ballot for President, because his father was born in Kenya and his birth certificate is still “in question”.

Montgomery’s argument is that both parents need to be United States citizens in order for a President to be legally on the ballot.

“I am here to uphold the rule of law and the Constitution of the United States. I think somebody needs to do it,” Montgomery said.

Yes, you brave soul Mr. Montgomery!  Someone needs to call out these false men who have served as President of the United States without both parents as born of this country.  You sir, are a soldier of truth when it comes to our United States Constitution.  I suppose I am telling you nothing new when I inform you that Andrew Jackson was born of parents who were both Irish immigrants to the United States.

I also guess that makes Thomas Jefferson’s presidency a lie since his mother was born in England!  The outrage Mr. Montgomery. How dare Mr. Jefferson rule this great land and with an English mother.  It can only be that the American people hundreds of years ago weren’t as smart as Mr. Montgomery is now to call this out!

I expect a full follow-up from you Mr. Montgomery outlining how these other presidents in our history also wronged our Constitution and left a mark that will forever scar our history as an embarrassment.  You can just email that to me directly.

Quick little google search and I found other Presidents who had parents born in other countries:  Chester Arthur, James Buchanan, Woodrow Wilson and Herbert Hoover.  The outrage!  I can barely contain myself.  We will just overlook that all of these previous Presidents have white parents.  Oopsie, this is obviously about the Constitution, not about racism in any way.  Forgive me…

It seems the Kansas Board of Objections is the most agreeable Board of Objections I’ve ever encountered.  How else would they agree to take on such an absurd objection?  So agreeable this Objections Board of Kansas.

Here are some objections I would like to raise with the Kansas Board of Objections.  If Mr. Montgomery can do it with his outrageous claim (I mean well founded claim – excuse me Mr. Montgomery) about Obama, I should have the same right as a citizen of Kansas to bring my objections to this overly agreeable Board of Objections.

  • I object that our State Amphibian is the Barred Tiger Salamander.  I propose a gecko because he reminds me of the Geico Gecko and that silly guy makes me laugh.
  • I object that our state motto is the Sunflower State.  I’m just really over it already.  Can’t it be “The Land of Oz’?
  • I object that we don’t have a Secretary of Interior Decoration.  Have you seen the inside of the Capitol?  It’s really time for an update!

I realize that the Kansas Board of Objection is still deciding on their ruling about Obama being on the ballot in November.

Other things the Kansas Board of Objections are also still considering while we wait for their verdict on Obama:

  1. If cigarettes are bad for you.  Verdict is still out on this one.
  2. If women should be allowed to drive cars.  Some say women are bad drivers.
  3. Pretzel M&Ms..I mean what the hell is that all about?
  4. Can you get AIDS from shaking hands?
  5. Seatbelts…worth it or too much intrusion on personal liberty?

I guess we can only wait to find out if the true defender of our Constitution, Mr. Montgomery will come out victorious and if Obama will be left off the Kansas ballot.  State Board of Objections, you will be hearing from me now that I find you are so agreeable to everyone’s objections.

9/11 so many to remember and so much I want to forget about that terrible day.

Today is the anniversary of 9/11.  I have my yearly migraine.  I always seem to get a migraine on this anniversary.  It’s my body’s way of handling emotions that it just can’t seem to process.  Intense emotions that I would rather work through with physical pain of a headache.  I realize it’s not the right way, but it’s my way.

We will never forget the victims of 9/11.

I just wish there was a way that I could remember the victims, but forget the day.  God, I would love to forget that day, what I witnessed and how I felt.  I know those two things don’t go hand-in-hand.

Everyone knows where they were the day we were attacked.  It’s the same way our parents know where they were the day JFK was shot.  I was on the 12th floor of my apartment building in Arlington, VA.  I was watching the Today Show as they announced a plane hit the World Trade Center.  Something told me I should go to my balcony.

I loved my balcony on the 12th floor of my apartment building.  If you stood on the far corner and leaned over the railing, you could see the Capitol Building.  There was a tree line and over the tree line I knew the Pentagon was there.  My apartment was high enough up that I could see the airplanes coming and going from Reagan National Airport all the time.  I spent many days and nights sitting on that balcony, solving the world’s problems with my friends and enjoying the scenery.

That morning I raced out to look over the city that I loved so much.  Something told me that I needed to be on that balcony.

A large ball of smoke was rising up in the air.  The plane had just hit the Pentagon.  I witnessed it seconds after it had just happened.   I just saw the ends of precious life, the horror of terrorism and a moment in history symbolized by a cloud of smoke and flames.

As time passes every year the exact details of the rest of the day are blurry.  I, like everyone else in DC at the time, searched for friends, reassured loved ones from home and prayed.  I spent a lot of time on my balcony that day and the following day.  The skies were quiet, all except for fighter planes and helicopters.  The city was different and I was different almost instantly.

That night I somehow found my way to the Lincoln Memorial.  I don’t remember what made me go down there.  It was eerily quiet except for a few hundred people who had also gathered down at the monument searching for comfort, peace and explanations.

When I got to the monument that I cherished,in a city that I loved so much, I physically became ill.  I threw up.

I shared stories with strangers of that horrifying day.  I hugged people I didn’t even know.

I taped a flag in my window of my apartment so I just didn’t feel so hopeless and helpless.  Truth was I felt both that day.  The flag did little to help those emotions.

We will never forget.  We were the lucky ones who survived that day.  For those who didn’t, we will never forget you.  Those who continue to serve and keep our borders safe from terrorists and those who protect our airports and harbors, God Bless You.

Romney promises Honey Boo Boo and her family cabinet positions if elected president

In an effort to put some life back into his campaign, Romney made a drastic move this week.

“We are excited to announce that Honey Boo Boo and her entire family will be joining the Romney administration once I am elected President.”

After realizing that the American people were more interested in watching Honey Boo Boo and her family, Mama, Dad, “Sugar Bear”, sisters, “Pumpkin” and “Chubbs”  and 17 year old new mom “Chickadee”, Romney realized that this family might be just the thing to make him and his campaign seem more in touch with the American people.

“The Romney camp is still evaluating what cabinet position the family will hold, but one thing is certain, they will have a place in a Romney administration.  The message that this family needed a spot in the Romney administration when Paul Ryan spoke at the RNC and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo received better ratings than Paul Ryan’s speech that the American people really connected with that family.”  Romney spokes person said.

“The Republicans are a party of inclusion.  We are demonstrating this by promising a place in our administration for Honey Boo Boo and her family as part of our administration.”

The Romney camp has laid out some possible positions that Honey Boo Boo and her family may hold once Romney is elected in the Fall.

The National Healthcare Initiative to Reduce Obesity

My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12-15 times a day you can lose a little weight, so I think I’ll lose a lot of weight because I’m going to fart a lot. – Chubbs on dieting.

“First Lady Michelle Obama ran her initiative with more exercising and eating right.  Our initiative will be slightly different.  Farting is something everyone does and can be done with little or no effort.  A national initiative to increase farting can be done with so little effort and almost no increase in government spending.  It’s the falls right in line with the Republican platform.”  Romney adviser

Department of Health and Human Services, specifically the National Initiative to Reduce Teenage Pregnancy

It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit and it opens up. – Mama explaining a nickname for her private part Mama teaches sex ed: “All that boy wants is to get in your little biscuit, get a little piece, and he’s running.”  Mama explains teen pregnancy: “You do the do, you do the time.”

With Republicans wanting to cut Title X, the national family planning program and shut down all of the Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide, Republicans feel like this type of Sex Education will do the trick to stop all teenage pregnancy.  The reference to female body parts and breakfast food is just what young people need to understand female anatomy.  Also the clear explanation of “do the do” simplifies the act of sexual intercourse and the Replications feel like a national initiative can easily be launched with a clear understanding of what “do the do” is to stop all young people from ever considering having sex before marriage.

“It’s brilliant and we can’t wait to roll-out this this national initiative and finally rid ourselves of any pre-marriage procreation.” said an anonymous Republican insider.

Another option being considered is a place on the President’s Economic Advisory Counsel.  Honey Boo Boo has been quoted as saying, “A dollar makes me hollar.” 

“This is just the type of mentality we need on our economic advisory counsel.” Mitt Romney

The Republicans hope the inclusion of Honey Boo Boo and her family will provide the Romney campaign with a bump that it needs to help elect him in November.

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