Groupon For Conceal and Carry – do they mean tampons?

Who doesn’t get excited when the daily Groupon deal comes out?  What will it be today?  Facials for half off?  Mani/pedis, massages, exercises classes for a steal? There is a part of me that get so giddy to open my daily Groupon email.  It’s like my own “Let’s Make a Deal” game show.  I’ll pick door number one.  Obedience training for dogs!  Click – buy.  I don’t even have a dog, but the deal sounds so wonderful, I dare not pass it up.

While the debate over if it is Missouree or Missourah still rages on, my Groupon deal showed up in my email.  I love predictability.  With the world in such turmoil, it’s so nice to count on something these days.

Click…open.  Guitar lessons, horseback riding lessons, Japanese food, conceal and carry class.  Stop, back up, did I just read “conceal and carry class”?

Surely they mean feminine hygiene products like tampons.  I think women could really use a class in how to effectively conceal and carry feminine hygiene products.  Those little suckers can get tricky when you have them in your purse and you go to grab a pen and then BOOM you are suddenly trying to write your check with your pon sans wrapper, because that was lost long ago.  Super embarrassing I’ve heard, because that has NEVER happens to me.

I click on more information to see how a conceal and carry class for feminine hygiene products would work.   I was very, very wrong.  This class is a conceal and carry for guns.  GUNS!  Are you kidding me?  A Groupon for guns?!  Already 180 bought.   I really can’t decide which is worse – the Groupon or that 180 have been bought.  I do a little more reading and checked out the website.

Real Life Scenarios Offered- such as?  A duel maybe?  With as angry as Americans are these days that could be a real life scenario. With all the talk about what the Founding Father’s intended, it’s only natural that we bring back the same tactics for resolving disputes as the Founding Fathers and that means bringing back the Gentlemanly dispute resolution of the duel.

Maybe the real life scenario is where a minority walks around a gated community at night and you get to pull your gun out and shoot them while they are unarmed.  They teach you how to declare yourself the “neighborhood watch person”.

Birthday Parties Offered – So glad.  No princess party for you my darling daughter.  We are going to host a Hostile Gunman Takeover Party!   I can’t wait to  create the Evite for this one!  I already know what’s going to be in my gift bag for the 7-year-olds – a Bedazzled Holster so they can properly carry their heat.  Running around learning how to kill people is so much better than sitting around pretending to drink tea with a princess.  I can already hear my daughter saying, “Mom, a princess party?  That is so 2011.”

I can’t wait to see what Groupon has waiting for me tomorrow.  One can only hope it’s How To Harass Women Getting Abortions In 10 Easy Steps.

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#Sandy – the big ethical question for the nation

Sandy did exactly what everyone said she would do.  She hit and now everyone is picking up the pieces.  I, like most of America, was glued to my TV and social media for microsecond updates so I could follow the devastation – most factual and some fiction (3 feet of water on the NY stock exchange).  For as amazing as I think social media is, we still have some lessons to learn.


During my monitoring of social media (a.k.a. obsession) I kept reading updates from Americans stating that those who did not evacuate when instructed were “on their own.”  No tax payer money should go to help rescue people who did not evacuate when instructed to.  I kept reading status up date after tweet stating this over and over again.  You don’t follow directions, you are on your own people.  It was an ultimatum the same way I gave one to my six year old this week, “pick up your toys or they are mine from now on.”


So, here we are America.  There are about 60 people who are on Fire Island that didn’t evacuate when instructed.  They are stranded with contaminated water and no electricity.  So now what America?  They didn’t evacuate.  Do we just leave them there?  According to what seemed like the masses to me on social media, the American people who pay taxes seem to think so.


I would really like to hear from some of those same people today.  Do you feel the same way now that you know there are actual people stranded in very serious danger.  They could die.  Americans could know that other Americans are in trouble and yet we sit back and do nothing, because they didn’t follow orders.


Just think about it.  I believe they are trying to rescue the people right now.  Do you think that is a good idea?  It is your taxpayer money.  It’s easy to say these things until you are actually faced with the situation.  How many times have you heard tornado sirens and not actually gone to the basement?  How many times have you heard a fire alarm and not evacuated a building?  Are these the same things?  Why or why not?


For all those recovering from Sandy – I wish you well.  My heart breaks seeing the devastation.  For those stranded on Fire Island, I hope you are rescued soon.



Oh Sandy

I’m glued to the TV right now. Hurricane Sandy is coming ashore on the East Coast. I, like everyone, am watching and waiting. Is this storm going to be as big as they say? How much flooding will there be? Why do reporters always wear baseball caps in 70 mph wind? Haven’t they learned that it never works. No matter how tight you make the cap, it always blows off.

I’ll stop making jokes, because this is serious. If there was ever a time to put our intense campaigning to rest, it is now. I realize we are at a critical time in our campaign cycle. This is the final push to the end. However, there are some things that are more important and the safety and security of Americans are more important right now. It doesn’t matter if you are Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative-everyone is an American and Americans need to be helping other Americans.

This is not a time to critique everything this administration is going to do during the hurricane response. Governors, Senators, Congressmen/women, Mayors and Emergency Response Teams, as well as the President and his administration, will be part this response effort. Both parties will be represented and the one thing is for sure – we can’t have political bickering right now.

Everyone take a nice, deep breath and start thinking about what you can do to be part of the solution. I know I write a lot about the separation of church and state. I stand by that thought, but this might be a good time to do a little praying to God, not to help create policy, but to pray to keep our Americans safe and damage to a minimum.

I was part of the rescue effort during Hurricane Katrina when I worked for a great organization called Angel Flight. I was not in New Orleans, but worked in the Midwest organizing flights for families to reunite with sick children who had been evacuated from New Orleans to the Midwest. I know from being part of that rescue effort that Americans are unbelievably charitable and caring people.

Let’s hope for the best, prepare for the worst and put all the political bickering to rest for the next 48 hours. If fellow Americans on the East Coast need help after the storm hits, I will donate money or goods and not ask what political party each recipient has declared before I donate. It’s times like this when it all seems so trivial.

I challenge Akin and Mourdock on their BS Pro-Life Stance

Here we go again.  Another Republican candidate spouting off about what God intended about abortion.

Richard Mourdock from Indiana said this last night,  “The only exception I have to have an abortion is in the case of the life of the mother,” said Mourdock, the Tea Party-backed state treasurer. “I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize life is that gift from God. I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”

I’ve stopped beating my head against the wall long enough to write this.  Another day, another Republican telling me what God intended.  So, let’s face it guys, and I can call you all guys since it’s been guys who make all these extreme and wacky statements about abortion, God was a little wishy-washy about when life begins in the Bible – see previous posts.  Some say God defined life at conception and others say God defined life at the moment of birth.  Until the Big G shows up and tell us, the verdict is still out on this one.

Now I know most pro-life Republicans put conditions on the pro-life stance – abortion is only o.k. in times when the life of the mother is at risk.  Simple question..why?  If God intended that life begins at conception as you claim and life is a gift from God, why wouldn’t it also be  God’s intention to take the life of the mother at that point?  Is it, because you may lose some voters by saying in all cases even the case when the life of the mother is at risk? I don’t recall God calling this exception out in the Bible anywhere.  If you are so bold as to claim you know what God intended as far as abortion and when life begins then show me proof where it says, “except in cases where the mother’s life is at risk.”  I dare you.

Second, God interpreters also known as Republicans, who is to say that God didn’t intentionally put doctors on this earth to perform safe abortions?  When a heart surgeon performs a successful heart surgery we comment about how the skills are a “gift from God”.  Who is to say that God didn’t grant us the intelligence to perfect this procedure.  Abortion has been around for hundreds of years.  Many women died trying to get an illegal abortion.  Maybe it is God’s will?

Third, if you are so concerned about the life of the mother and you outlaw abortion, what happens when women start dying again from having illegal abortions?  What about the life of the mother then?  Just because you outlaw abortion does not mean they will stop.  We all know that abortions can be performed with a procedure termed as a “medical abortion”.  No people this is NOT the same as the morning after pill.  These pills can be obtained by some shady sites on the internet.  What’s to stop women from ordering this unregulated pills from the internet and performing illegal abortions in the privacy of their own home without a doctor’s supervision?  Women will die.  Mark my words.  If the life of women comes before all else all in this Republican pro-life debate, what about in this scenario?  Will safe abortions become legal again if there are enough deaths resulting from illegal abortions?

Oh and by the way, one thing God was crystal freaking clear on was adultery -

Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery.”

Deuteronomy 22:22 “If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die.

Leviticus 20:10 “If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife–with the wife of his neighbor–both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

I think this applies to people like Newt Gingrich and if memory serves he was campaigning for Akin.  If we are so sure of God’s intent, let’s not forget this one.  Akin, why are you o.k. with an endorsement from Gingrich if you and other extreme Pro-Life Republicans are so sure of God’s intent?  Is it just selective following of God’s intent?

Oh well, silly me.  I guess I’m just not as religious as you guys.

Who is more Christian the GOP or Dems?

Politics in this country are as polarized as ever.  People are unfriending each other on Facebook, because of political posts that are pissing each other off.  This I don’t understand. I view politics just like any other hobby.  I don’t unfriend people, because of their crafting hobbies.  Suzie is posting 50 things to do with pipe cleaners AGAIN I think I’m going to have to unfriend her.

I think with all of my armchair political analysis I have drilled it down to why our nation is so polarized and hostile these days.  Steve Fitzgerald, a KS State Senate candidate summed it up perfectly,  “The contention that I said that one cannot be Catholic or Christian and a Democrat is not an unreasonable summation of what I actually said,” Fitzgerald said. “My actual message was fix the party or leave.”

And there you have it my friends.  Judgement that used to only be reserved for God is now a full contact sport for some politicians.  Vote and believe like me and go to heaven.  Don’t and go burn in hell.  You can’t get much more politically polarizing than that.  It goes much deeper than unfriending on Facebook.

Take for example the campaign for US Senate in Missouri.  I just heard yesterday that the Duggars are campaigning for Todd Akin.  Think about that for a moment.  Are the Duggars known for their massive knowledge about public policy?  No.  Are they known for their sophisticated  understanding about government?  Nope again.  The Duggars are known for their radical practice of Christianity and expertise at home hair permanent waves.  The last time I watched an episode of the Duggars it went like this:

The Duggars decided to doggie sit.  The Duggarettes thought it would be super fun to feed the doggie cheese.  Doggie gobbled up cheese and crapped all over the floor.  Mommie Duggar said no-no to baby Duggars.  The end.

With that we have the official endorsement of Congressman Akin for Senator of Missouri.  Based on?  Help me here… Based on nothing more than their faith.  You mean Todd Akin couldn’t have said to Jim Bob, “Thanks man, you keep cleaning up those rental properties with help from your own child labor, I’ve got this thing.”

You might be thinking to yourself, “What does a Jewish girl know about Christianity?”  Well, turns out, I went to a Southern Baptist College.  I did my share of reading the Bible.  Other than kicking ass at the New Testament category on Jeopardy, it gave me a general understanding and appreciation for Christianity.  Here is what I know.  One party cannot claim a religion.  Christianity is complex and very personal.  If one party can claim it, because of their views on abortion, the other party can claim it because of their views on helping the poor in our country.  I don’t think Jesus would have suggested the poor in this country pull themselves up by their boot straps.

I’ve always found it perplexing when a candidate says that God told him/her that he/she should run for office.  If they don’t win what is the message from God – you’re a loser?

Let’s take an example from our Founding Father’s and Separate Church and State.  Don’t unfriend me on Facebook, because of my political views and I won’t unfriend you because you love scrap booking.  One political party isn’t going to heaven and the other party isn’t going to hell.  This is not all good vs. all bad.  Tone down the hatred and the absolutes that is something that is definitely not religious.  Let people define themselves and their faith.

Now excuse me while I gather my arsenal so I can declare my war on Christmas.  It’s coming up on the season.

Somebody pass the beef

So I don’t like to tell too many personal stories on my blog except about my awesome liberalness, but I thought I would take a minute to share.  I was at a health fair this past weekend.  At the health fair, I got my cholesterol screened.  Just a simple finger prick and 10 minutes later viola.





Nice nurse lady, “Maybe you should modify your diet.”

“Modify my diet?  I haven’t had a hamburger since 1988.  Do you hear me.  No beef has passed these lips since 1988.  It was the Bush/Quayle years.  Gas was 91 cents a gallon.  Milli Vanilli was/wasn’t singing.  Remember those days?  That was the last time I enjoyed a juicy, delicious single with cheese from Wendy’s.  You’re telling me I gave up beef and pork and I’m still looking at a cholesterol at over 200?”

Maybe I gave her a little more than she needed to know.

It was 1988 and I was just a kid in high school.  I was at an art fair at the University of Michigan.  I innocently enough passed a display table for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.  I was instantly drawn in.  How can you not be?  Unless you are made of stone, you are drawn in.  I was looking at the picture of the bunny half shaved from some experiment at a cosmetics company.  Right then and there I pledge to stop eating meat.  I didn’t pledge to give up my cosmetics.  Hello…have you met me?  Let’s get serious people.  I was 16.  Priorities. Have I mentioned I’m a bit dramatic?

After about 2 weeks of this animal pledge I realized this was harder than I ever thought it would be.  Remember it was the 80′s before the whole Alicia Silverstone Vegan craze kicked in.  When I went to fast food restaurants there rarely were salads to choose from.  So I started eating chicken and turkey, but continued to save the cows and pigs.  Chicken and turkeys, there are too many of them in the world anyway so screw them.

As I grew older, I didn’t really care much about the cows or pigs I was saving, but I just decided not to eat beef or pork anymore, because of the cholesterol benefits I thought I was getting.  Sometimes people assumed that I didn’t eat pork, because I was Jewish.  I didn’t exactly go out of my way to correct them.  Remember, I was the only Jewish kid at a Southern Baptist college.  I did enough defending of my religion that I took that freebie even though it wasn’t exactly true.  Sorry people who thought I was super Jew.

Turns out my no meat sacrifice has been for NOTHING.

Other then saving some cows and pigs, which by the way not eating beef or pork since 1988 probably amounts to one entire pig and one entire cow.  You are welcome pigs and cows of America or China or where ever the hell you are.

If you are wondering, yes I have missed bacon.  Yes I have missed a ham and cheese on an onion roll.  Yes I have missed steak and I have really missed that single with cheese from Wendys.

Excuse me while I go pull out my old Milli Vanilli cassette tapes and blame my high cholesterol on the rain.

Gov. Brownback, God is on line 1 and he says you are wrong

Governor Brownback, God just spoke to me.  God and I just had a little one-on-one regarding your pro-life speech you gave in Arlington, VA.  For the readers here is a little taste of that speech:

Brownback said during a speech at the National Right to Life convention in Arlington, Va., the United States would place into law sentiment held by a majority of Americans that elective abortion should be illegal. This belief is reinforced, the governor said, by an understanding God would unequivocally stand for life.

This just in Governor.  God doesn’t agree.  See, he told me so.  You don’t have an exclusive to God.  I have conversations with God as well and he told me you are mistaken.  God wants me to remind you of a few things:

  • God never mentions abortion in the Bible.
  • God is pro-choice.
  • The highest court in the United States ruled that abortion was legal.  You need to honor that and not make it your personal quest to over turn it just because you think that’s the way it should be.
  • God is the supreme judge of people not you.
  • You need to stop your ego trip in defining God’s intentions.
  • In the Bible, God defines life as the time when he blew in the nostrils and the baby starts breathing.  It is in Genesis 2:7 to be exact: Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.  This is NOT at the time of conception.

If anyone is wondering why America is so polarized politically look no further than politicians speaking on behalf of God.  A person’s relationship with God and interpreting the Bible is a personal experience.  Who says one person’s interpretation of what God intended is more right then the next person’s especially when it isn’t spelled out in the Bible?  This is more than I’m right and you are wrong.  It is I’m right and I go to heaven and you are wrong and you go to hell.  Why is Governor Brownback’s conversations with God any more relevant than my conversations with God?  My God is pro-choice and pro-woman.  Why shouldn’t that take precedence over his interpretation?  Who gets to be more right?  It is not like God will phone in his vote like it is Dancing with the Stars.  Or maybe he will.  Did God just vote for Bristol Palin?  He said she is sure shaking what he gave her.

If there was one thing the Founding Father’s were crystal clear on it was Separation of Church and State.  The Republican Party shoves the intentions of the Founding Father’s down our throats when it comes to the 2nd amendment.  Governor Brownback, listen to your party.  Federal law trumps state law.  Respect the system the Founding Fathers set up.  Stop wasting Kansas money on laws that will always be challenged in court costing Kansans thousands in taxpayer money.  Go to church.  Pray that there is an end in abortion.  I encourage you to do that.  Try to convince people through your church not to have abortions.  I think there is room in this country for pro-life and pro-choice.  If this is your personal quest, honor it in your own time in a peaceful, non-violent way.  Just keep it out of government.

God told me these were his wishes.  I pray to the same God you do.  I claim my interpretation is right…so there.

A chick’s take on the Chiefs Scandal

To cheer or not to cheer that is the question.  To be more accurate, who cheered and who didn’t cheer.  Last Sunday the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel was hit during the football game.  He went down hard.  Some Kansas City Chiefs fans cheered.  He was taken out of the game and turns out he had a concussion.  Chiefs player Eric Winston lashed out at Chiefs fans for cheering Cassel’s injury.  This city has erupted in scandal that hasn’t been seen since the Pendergast political years.

I usually only write about things I know – politics and Real Housewives, but I have to throw my two cents in on the whole thing.  I love a juicy scandal and this one I can’t pass up.  Make yourself comfortable boys….

I used to be a Chiefs fan, back when they were good.  Now I spend my Sundays trying to get our economy out of a recession (shopping).  I don’t watch the Chiefs anymore and haven’t for a few years.  I’m depressed enough as it is.  However, here are some things that I know:

  • The game is violent and violence is applauded.
  • Hard hits are celebrated by being played and replayed on a Jumbotron that can be seen by astronauts on the International Space Station.
  • One team recently was outed for having a freaking bounty system.
  • Fans cheer when the defense takes out the opposing quarterback and that’s o.k.
  • NFL players often times make millions vs. the fans who have to pay close to that just to see a game.

I’ll admit, first when I heard about this I was outraged, but the more I thought about it the more my outrage was focused more towards the Chiefs.  Violence is glorified in football all the time.  The fans are frustrated.  The team sucks.  Kansas City loves our football and has stood by this team for years in good and in mostly bad.    Kansas City is living the phrase “the agony of defeat”.

The bigger question is what were the fans cheering for?  Was it because Cassel was coming out of the game no matter what the circumstances?  Was it because the backup quarterback was coming in?  Was it because everyone was drunk and they just wanted to cheer about anything?  Was it because Cassel stood up after being seriously injured?  Was it because Cassel was injured?  No one can answer this question now that everyone has sobered up.  Does it really matter?

The message from your fans has been sent Chiefs.  Cheering or no cheering, your fans are fed up.  Put your big girl panties on and deal with it. I’m not talking the panties the cheerleaders wear, I’m talking the big, big girl panties.  Man up and  make the changes that need to be made.  If you need to find me for more colorful analysis, you know where I will be this Sunday…at the mall.

Hey…From President Obama

I watched the debates last night.  I will say it even though it pains me greatly – Good job Mitt!  Mitt obviously won the night. I think the problem with Obama is he didn’t seem engaged.  I think with President Obama there are two modes – engaged and not engaged.  He is either speaking so passionately that the audience ends up yelling, “Amen!” or he is disengaged and he sounds like those professors from college where you had to pinch your hand to keep yourself awake.  Obama was talking, but I can’t for the life of me remember any of it.

The best observation of the night came from my 6 year old.  “Maybe they both can be President and just take turns.”

After the debate, I immediately receive fundraising emails from both candidates.  Downloading the Romney VP app signed me up for a flurry of GOP email that I can’t delete fast enough.

There was my daily President Obama email.  In the subject line just one word:  “hey”.

Now, I am not naive to think that President Obama actually sits down to compose emails to me every day.  I know he has people doing that for him.  Here is how I imagine this creative process going:

Group of campaign staffer Gen Ys around a table.

“O.k. so let’s review this email before it goes out.” Staffer A

“Looks good, dude.” Staffer B

“Wait! We need a subject line.  It’s got to be an attention grabbing headline.  We’ve got to say something that will make people really want to open this email and donate to President Obama.”  Staffer A

“Hey dude, I’ve got an idea.” Staffer C

“Eureka!  That’s the subject line.” Staffer A

“What?  Hey dude, I’ve got an idea?” Staffer C

“No.  Just ‘hey’.  It’s simple, casual and to the point.” Staffer A

The whole group erupts giving each other high-fives.

And there you have it.  The subject line of “hey” was typed and sent to millions around the country.

Maybe it didn’t play out this way, but for God’s sake hold someone responsible for this laziness.  I type emails to my family and friends and use the subject line “hey” usually dude follows the hey.  This shouldn’t be coming from the President of the United States.  I realize we are now a casual society, often wearing jeans to work, but this is taking it a step too far.

This reminds me of when I get lazy filing papers away.  I have been known to mark the folders “stuff” when I am just too lazy to actually develop a good filing system.

There is your next subject line campaign staffers – “stuff”.  I give you permission to use it.  I’ll use another word to describe the subject line and President Obama’s performance at the debate – lame.  I have a feeling that one won’t be showing up in a subject line any time soon.

Come on campaign staffers – carb load yourselves, smoke those cigarettes you just starting smoking this campaign cycle, drink a few Red Bulls and look alive.

In the tradition of Obama’s subject line emails, I’ll use one word to wrap this up.


Todd Akin, Perfect Candidate for Senate..the 1812 Senate

Todd Akin longs for the days of America’s past.  So much so that he came out against employers being required to paying women equally.  From the Huffington Post:

“I believe in free enterprise. I don’t think the government should be telling people what you pay and what you don’t pay,” Akin said at a town hall meeting on Thursday. The comment came in response to a question about Akin’s decision to vote against the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009, which has made it it easier for women to challenge unequal pay.

It is with this comment, as well as others (legitimate rape), that encourage me to endorse Todd Akin.  I believe Todd Akin is the perfect candidate for the Senate…the 1812 Senate.

If elected to the 1812 Senate, I hope Todd Akin will reintroduce some other laws that bring us back to a simpler time for women.

  • The Rule of Thumb it will be legal to beat your wife as long as what you are beating her with is no bigger than your thumb.
  • Take away women’s right to vote.  I mean seriously, can we be trusted with such a responsibility?
  • Married women should not be able to own property or enter into contracts.  How can we mess up our pretty little heads with such complicated matters as owning our own property or reading over contracts?

Todd Akin believes strongly in America’s founding principles.  I think we can all agree those times were the good old days (for everyone except African-Americans, Jewish, Native Americans, Irish, women, homosexuals…I could go on.)  Vote for Todd Akin for 1812 Senate and put women back in the place where Akin thinks they belong….at home and in the kitchen.

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