Television a waste of time? Not in my world.

Today I was having a conversation with someone and I was surprised to learn that this person doesn’t watch any television.  This person finds television a “waste of time”.  A waste of time?  A waste of time! (shock, outrage, hold it..Daily Show is back on)

I’m back, commercial break.  This had me thinking.  See I watch a lot of television.  I’m totally dependent on my DVR to best utilize the time I’m going to waste to the best of my ability.  Other than right now when I’m watching and typing to live television without the DVR, I’m living my life in the fast lane of recorded shows and FF with an accuracy rate that is with pinpoint precision to hit the mini second when the commercial is ending and the show is beginning.

That said, here are some highlights that I’m happy to have wasted my time on this week and maybe, just maybe I’ll swing this person into believing that television is actually a fantastic way to waste/spend some time.

Mad Men

So this week I had a magic moment where I was transported back to my preteen years via the character of Sally.  Sally is the main character, Don Draper’s daughter who he took to an adult function.  Don’s coworker Roger pays attention to Sally treating her like an adult instead of a child at the party.  I remember being treated like this once.  I don’t remember the man, the event or how old I was, but I remember the feeling.  Watching Mad Men I got to experience that feeling again.

With those same preteen feelings, I also sat in shock as I witnessed Roger get a blowjob from Megan’s mother in a side room at the party.  My shock was different from Sally’s.  See, Sally was having a teachable moment shall we say, for me my shock was at the fact that basic cable was showing what looked like a BJ on basic cable.  Did I mention it was on basic cable?  Of course there was no nudity, but a BJ on a Sunday night!  Some parents group had to be going bat shit crazy over this.  I felt like I was experiencing a sexual revolution right along with Peggy.  Roger, you weren’t the only one who was loving this.  My pleasure was in the boundaries that Mad Men was pushing.  Well done!

Piers Morgan

Jury is still out on this guy.  I want to like him, but then I catch an episode like I did the other day and my lip curls in disapproval.  He was interviewing an author about a book he wrote that basically said Liberals were crazy (my summary, not the author’s).  Piers came out swinging almost immediately.  It was some sort of verbal street fight and it was ugly.  Even the author who was a jerk called Piers out for the terrible questioning and interviewing style.  I think Piers thought he was being a hard hitting journalist, but it reminded me of some Cross X rounds I had in high school debate.  It was sloppy, nasty and pointless.  At the same time, I couldn’t take my eyes off it.  I felt like at any moment someone was going to yell “asshole” and throw a punch.  Nobody did and they ended nicely, but it was weird.  Can somebody tell me why Piers acts like he just got off the boat?  If you are going to discuss American politics on an American show, stop playing the I’m just a silly Brit who doesn’t understand the American system card.  I think you’ve been here long enough Piers.  Either study up or hand the baton to someone else already.


Watching old episodes just to laugh like crazy.  I know, I have the comedy maturity of a young 20′s male, but this show is hilarious!

Girls – HBO

This show is the talk of the town so I had to watch an episode to see what the hoopla is all about.  All this show did was drive me to a round of emotional eating.  Here was my internal dialog:

What are they wearing?  Carrie Bradshaw wouldn’t wear that. Is this suppose to take place in the early 80′s?  What is he doing?  I sure hope they’re using protection.  She shouldn’t lean that far out the window.  She might fall.  Carrie wouldn’t wear that.  Why doesn’t she pull her hair back and out of her eyes?  I’m starting to sound like my mother.  Doesn’t she have to work in the morning?  She should go to bed. Carrie wouldn’t say that.

Summary – I’m too old to watch this show.  I couldn’t stop comparing this to Sex and the City.  I realized I’m not the demographic for this show and it totally bummed me out.  A show about girls in their early 20′s seems kind of lame to a person in her extremely early 40′s.  Young ladies in your 20′s, enjoy your show.  I’ll be watching re-runs of Sex and the City.

Did I waste my time this week? You decide, but right now I’ve got to go watch the Colbert Report.

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Betty Draper, please help me erase memory about eating placentas…

Dear January,

First, thank you so much and everyone involved in bringing Mad Men back last night.  I love the show.  I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the return of Don Draper and the rest of the cast.  I was almost in a frenzy last night when I realized I left for my weekly mah jongg game and  didn’t DVR the show.  Luckily my good Jewish mother saved me.  Now Mah Jongg isn’t something Betty would have played back then, probably just her Jewish friends played, that is if Betty had any Jewish friends.  Now that I think of it, Betty probably didn’t have any Jewish friends.  That was a time when rich whites weren’t so kosher with country club activities with blacks and Jews.   Well that sucks doesn’t it?  Screw you Betty Draper.

Oh sorry, misdirected and historical anger rant.  Back to my point.  Mad Men is back!  Television dialog that is subtle and smart and actors that can pull it off.  Fabulous!  You were  absent late last season because you were bringing into this world a bundle of joy named Xander.  First, two thumbs up! E”x”cellent use of the letter “X”.    I do love this name and I’ll admit I’m not a big fan of a lot of celebrity names these days.    The kid is screwed if he ever wants a mass customized cup, water bottle, pencil, place mat, etc.  However, you are a big celebrity so you can probably hire an artist to just paint his name on everything he wants so problem solved.  Not so easy when you are a mom here in middle America looking for items at Target.

Now, I am one of “those people” who read all of the gossip magazines.  I consider it mind candy when I need a break from figuring out how to solve Middle East peace or resolve famine in Africa, I read all about the Kardashians or the latest in the Real Housewives saga.  So when you turned up preggers, I, like everyone else, was curious who the baby daddy was.  Your message was loud and clear-I am not telling.  Fair enough.  As a celebrity, you do have a right to privacy.  I thought it was so cool that you wanted to keep something in your life private.

Ok, so now I have to ask, “why is it that I know you eat your son’s placenta?”

If I don’t know an easy question like who your baby daddy is, why do I know information like you eat your son’t placenta.  I was innocently reading an article about you and there it was.  I couldn’t erase it from my mind.  It is stuck there like the name of the Brady Bunch cat.  For the rest of my life I will know that and I don’t want to.  Your reason for eating your son’s placenta ground up into vitamin capsules – it gives you energy and we are the only animal species that doesn’t do it.

News Flash: There are lots of things we do that animals don’t do – wear fabulous heels, buy Mac lipstick, tweet, drink cosmos…

There are a lot of things that animals do that we don’t do: sniff eat other’s tushies, poop in public, chase down, kill and eat our dinners (well I can’t be 100% sure in some of the more “rural” places in the US)

Point is I’m cool with getting my energy from my extra large diet coke at McDonald’s or in my morning coffee.  Some people do it with a Red Bull and some people do it in a more healthy way.  I don’t really care, but like your baby daddy some things are better left kept to yourself.  Eat all the placenta you want, but in your new age coolness if you discover a way to erase unwanted memories, please look me up and send me that info.  I have a placenta memory that I am looking to erase.



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