This is the most anti-American thing you will see all day.

Warning!  I have found something so anti-American is will cause outrage in homes across the country.  Is it a new message from the Taliban?  No.  Is it another threat from North Korea?  Wrong again.

This is the WORST of anti-American messages, because it is directed at our innocent children.  Parents- stop hugging it out with your kids for a moment and pay attention.  This could infiltrate the very fabric of our nation.  This anti-American message is coming from a monster.

Who is this monster?

I’ll give you a hint.  He is blue, fuzzy and has googily eyes.

It’s Cookie Monster!  (insert screaming)

Cookie Monster, the innocent, blue monster who has been streamed into American households for generations via Sesame Street.  His gig was simple – find some cookies, use horrible grammar to explain how bad he wanted the cookies, “Me want cookies” and then not be able to help himself and gobble up the cookies.

His message has recently changed.  He has just put out a video about self-control.

Self what?

Self-control and WAITING before he goes and gobbles up cookies. See the video below for the evidence I uncovered.

It is un-American to be able to control our impulses.

Our lack of self-control has:

  • caused the average American to be $14,000 in credit card debit;
  • allowed us to develop delicious gut bombs like the bloomin’ onion;
  • caused people to die in mass riots on black Fridays.

Join me in an effort to stop Cookie Monster from continuing to spread this very anti-American message.  The message shouldn’t be wait before you eat cookies – it should be cookies NOW (especially the Thin Mint variety).

Our American way depends on this monster stopping this unrealistic message.  What’s next?  Cookie Monster will stop eating cookies and instead eat carrots?  I think not!

Instead of “Me Wait” it should be “More NOW”.  Our American way depends on it.

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Top 5 things in This Week in Oy Vey…

There is SO much going on that I can’t just narrow it down to one thing to write about. So I am creating a – The Week in Oy Vey that will run as a weekly blog post.

1.  Topping the list is the 39 page indictment of Teresa Guidice and her husband Juicy Joe. Yes I read all 39 pages.  One word that sums it all up – FRAUD and lots of it.  Teresa may go from fabulicous to guiltilicious.  How about a new reality show – Real Housewives of the Slammer?  I think there are a lot of inmates who would like to get their hands on your Juicy Joe. (photo courtesy of ABC News)Teresa

2.  Justin Beiber – seriously dude stop the drugs.  Your tour bus was stopped AGAIN and SHOCKER there were drugs found on it. Border patrol agents don’t screw around.  Even though you weren’t on the bus at the time, we all know that you have been exhibiting some wacked out behavior.  Spitting on fans?  Do me a favor and Google Lindsay Lohan to see how this all ends up.

3. Anthony Weiner dropped to #4 in the polls.  Please God tell me there are only 4 candidates.  At this point, if he was actually beating someone running for Mayor I would have to excuse myself and go puke. I say he will exit the race by Friday.

4.  I can still buy a super gulp soda in NYC.  For the Americans who need their 2 liters per day via fountain drinks they are in the clear.  Nice try Mayor Bloomberg.

5.  My favorite thing this week is this video by David Cross.  I can’t believe how accurately he portrayed the state of women’s health care in Kansas and Missouri.  It is brilliant:

Pleasantly Eccentric meets Pintrist – a match made in hell

Pintrist is not new to the social media scene, but I am new to Pintrist. In the social media world, anything older than a micro-second is considered old. If Facebook is the mom, Pintrist is the emerging teenager. It was time for me to get acquainted to this pin and repin world of Pintrist. I try to stay away from most things that involve sewing, hot glue gunning or crafts that would involve me having to step foot into a Hobby Lobby,, but since my job is in social media, I decided to take a step (shove myself) into the world of Pintrist.

I logged into Pintrist. First step is create some boards. Since I knew that Pintrist was about cooking, crafts and exercising, that I what I started out naming my boards: Recipes, Exercises and Hobbies. Easy enough…

I started pinning some pictures to my boards. I love this part. I never advanced from the toddler stage of loving all things shiny and bright. Most of my decisions are based on the complex thought of “it’s pretty, I like” and that is really what Pintrist is all about. It’s all picture based. Since the older I get the more blinged out I also get, my boards start filling up fast with bright and shiny objects.

I have figured out a formula regarding my love of bling. It’s simple really. My love of bling on me, my clothes, accessories, home accessories, etc is based on my age. At this point, I’m 40% blinged out because I’m 40. By the time I retire to Boca and I’m playing Mah Jongg for 4 to 5 hours a day, I will be 65-70% blinged out, because I will be 65 to 70 years old. This formula holds true unless I find a sugar daddy before 65 or 70. If that happens, my bling ratio will dramatically increase and no longer be in proportion to my age. Hopefully the bling will also be real.

Like a toddler, I also get off track easy.

Back on track. I continue pinning like a crazy person, my board was filling up. I have boards with clever quotes, I have boards with exercises to get my butt toned. I have boards with Christmas decorations. Then I stop. Like a teenager who has just suddenly sobered up off of a wine cooler drunk, because mom and dad came home, I realize – I’m pinning like Martha Stewart on crack, but who was I kidding? I have pinned a nativity scene made out of marshmallows and I’m Jewish for God’s sake!

Side rant – who makes a nativity scene out of marshmallows? Does anything think Jesus might be looking down and think, “I walked on water only for my image to be remade in marshmallows? Seriously people, I’m the son of God. Don’t get I get a little more respect than to be molded out of the same stuff you put in hot cocoa and they melt?” If you want to see it, just go to my Pintrist page.

Back on track – so I stopped pinning things. I realized that when I looked at my friends’ boards, I started to feel bad. Do their homes, exercise routines and kitchen tables reflect all the things that are pinned to their boards? Were they really whipping up souffles every night, hand crafting candles and doing 1000 crunches to firm their abs every day? I decided to get real with Pintrist and cut the bullshit. First step – rename my boards to really reflect me and my personality.

New Board Names

Great Looking Food I Won’t Be Cooking

Exercises I Won’t Be Doing

Crafts and Shit I Won’t Be Making

Gifts My Pretend Husband Can Buy Me (There are things like the Elizabeth Taylor Diamond, tiaras from famous monarchs, etc.)

Seriously?

Shows I Watch (I can’t believe Workaholics has a pin)

People I Would Invite To A Dinner Party

Quotes That Don’t Suck

For those who love crafting, cooking, sewing and DIY projects – God Bless You! I mean that from the bottom of my blinged out heart. For all those women and gay men out there like me who start to feel jealous looking at Pintrist boards like those, join me on Pintrist! Let’s keep it real out there.

http://pinterest.com/aimeep11/

Cheers,

Aimee

“The Book” Men, keep your hands off!

Burlington Coat Factory, Olathe, KS

If you haven’t been paying attention lately, the women of this country are on fire and suddenly very interested in a certain piece of literature. I don’t even have to mention the title for everyone to know exactly what I’m talking about. The conversation usually starts like this, “Guess what I’m reading?” said in the most sing-songy way possible. Everybody knows the answer and it seems everyone in suburban America is reading it.

Full disclosure: I haven’t read it yet. I intend to, but I have been too busy reading a book on how to have a new child by Friday. That is really part of the title. I’m currently dealing with intense control issues of a 5 year old so I’m desperate to learn any tactic I can so I don’t completely lose my shit. I decide to put parenting advice reading above my suburban mom acceptable porn. However, now that I think about it, maybe I should put the porn first and that would make me much more chilled out and able to handle the power struggle between a tense mom and her stubborn 5 year old? Possibly rethinking tactic…I’ll get back to you on this.

Back to the topic about “the book”, I find it fascinating that this book is so acceptable in mainstream conversations. Moms sharing it with their adult daughters. Grown women discussing it at dinner conversation. Work friends comparing notes. What gives? Why is this girl porn o.k. but other types of porn not o.k.? I even find evidence of this sudden sexual liberation at my local Burlington Coat Factory by nighties as suggested “Daywear”. Trust me on this people who read my blog who aren’t from around here, this BCF is about 30 minutes from Hookerville so the demographic of this one is middle-aged suburban mom. Women on poles as a profession are not shopping in Olathe, KS for their uniforms. Is this a simple merchandising mistake or a not so subtle result of mainstream porn, excuse me “erotica”, that all of our suburban moms are reading? Are we all ready to nightie it up in the daytime? (I call the blue number at the bottom to wear to play tennis).

The other interesting observation I’ll make is that suburban women are VERY territorial about their porn. I had a guy friend of mine mention that he was reading “the book”. Wait a minute buddy! You can’t read “the book”. You are a guy. If you want your porn, it is perfectly acceptable for you to walk into any convenience store and simply buy a porno magazine. You can order up your porn from any cable company and not be mortified about what the cable company is going to think when “Hot, Horny, Sluts” shows up on your cable bill. You are a guy and these things are expected of you. We are women. We don’t get that luxury. We can’t mention, not even a little, that we may, just may, like porn. Our suburban mom cards will be revoked. We would be kicked off of the soccer sidelines. Our minivans would be repossessed. We would never be allowed in the zero entry kiddie pool again. This book is OURS. When I even mentioned to my girlfriends about my guy friend reading “the book” I got the exact same reaction that I had. He had NO RIGHT to read our book. I felt like they were ready to light the torches and march over to his house demanding “the book” back immediately. He had taken from us our one wonderful, mainstream acceptable “erotic” treat.

Consider this a warning my male friends. Stay away from our erotica. You have your porno and we have “the book”. And now, according to Burlington Coat Factory, we have a new definition of “Daywear”.

What Real Housewives, “The Situation” and Slavery all have in common

Dear Radar Online:

First let me tell you that I adore your site. When I am worn out from reading the latest headline from our nation’s dire economic situation, the recent conflict in Mali, or where we stand with our nation’s polarizing political system, I turn to you for the latest in juicy celebrity gossip.

You are always there for me. I love you, because you are never drenched in lots of video footage that can clog my beloved iphone. Your articles are short, sweet and always shallow. Yes, I want to know who is coming back to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yes, I want to know all about Snooki’s pregnancy and yes I want to know who has the best beach bodies this season. A girl’s head can hurt trying to think about Middle East peace all day. I need me some good Bravo gossip to round my day out.

It was last night that I settled in to watch DWTS and channel flipped to the basketball tournament that I went to your iPhone app. There it was as I slowly exhaled to find out why Khloe and Lamar were both crying when they found out about his trade. Ahh…an article about JLo being raunchy with her boy toy. Love it! An article about George Zimmerman – o.k. you get a pass for being topical. You are back online with a post about Tamara Barney breaking down sobbing when her divorce was finalized. Nicely done. Next article, transgender beauty queen kicked out of pagent. This is why I love ya Radar Online!

Next article, give me more of what I come here for Radar Online…slavery. Excuse me? Slavery..like American slavery? We aren’t talking about Madonna in her kinky sex slavery 1990 days are we? Nope, we are talking about the horrific time in American history that most American would like to forget. The real deal, African American slavery.

Here’s the link to prove I’m not making this up: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/04/american-slaves-photos-last-generation-interviews

Believe it or not, I was an American history major in college. I have studied extensively about slavery in America. I actually have many of the slave narratives that they are talking about in this article on my Kindle. The slave narratives were one of the first things I downloaded onto my Kindle when I received it a few years ago for Hanukkah. (These slave narratives have been available from the Library of Congress for a while. They are free to download to Kindle and I recommend that you download them if you want to learn about Americans in this country who managed to rise up against every imaginable obsticle to find their place in among people who once owned them. The narratives will help shape your opinion about current issues such as poverty, welfare and race in America. These narratives were made during the FDR administration when people were put to work to record the stories of freed slaves in America before they died out and their stories were lost forever. (I’m sure now the GOP would declare this some sort of a socialist project, but I think it was pure brilliance.)

What the HELL is this type of story doing on Radar Online? Now at the bottom of Radar Online’s stories they suggest “stories you might also like”. After reading about these people who were in bondage most of their lives and lived to tell the tale, here are some of thes stories I might also like:

Khloe Kardashian OK with her mom calling her fat. (I get that Khloe – my mom often tell me I need “a little color” when I need lipstick)

Desirable or Delusional? Columnist Claims Women Hate Her Because She’s Just Too Beautiful. (my vote – delusional)

Dog Day Afternoon at the Beach! Bounty Hunter Duane Chapman and Wife Reveal Their Beach Bods.

It goes on to show Coco’s wardrobe malfunction, etc. etc.

Thanks Radar Online. I’m sure these former slaves would also enjoy their stories of once being considered property being linked with Khloe Kardashian’s weight issues and Coco’s boob slip.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

Radar Online – please, please, please stick to what you do best. Educate me on all of the reality television shows on Bravo. Tell me why JLo shouldn’t date her boy toy. Give me an update on the latest Halle Berry custody dispute, but please stay out of the business of putting a story about American slavery before a story about “The Situations” prescription pill problem. It just seems so icky.

Thanks,

A faithful reader

Santorum’s twitter intern…you goofed.

Happy Presidents’ Day

Is that what you say?  If yes, then there you go, if no, then I am just acknowledging Presidents’ Day.  I think most people could care less unless you work somewhere that is closed today.  I am self employed so I celebrate every federal holiday.  So, back to my point, Happy Presidents’ Day!

Throughout the day I got the various tweets about Presidents’ Day.  One particular one caught my eye:

“RickSantorum: Today we honor presidents who understand freedom makes our country great.  I understand that.  Unfortunately, Obama doesn’t.”

Do I believe this came from Rick Santorum’s blessed fingers?  No, I am not naive to believe that Rick actually tweeted these words himself.  I am sure there is some young intern at campaign headquarters developing carpel tunnel as we speak typing these little nuggets every hour or so on schedule.  His boss, a late twenty-something, is probably barely looking at these things and did an over the shoulder approval.  Everyone at campaign Rick has been working long hours and the bad news is no one is enjoying campaign relief sex, because we all know that campaign Rick does not believe in sex outside of marriage and even if they do with no birth control there is no room for error so why risk it.  All they have to go on is Starbucks and praying to the Lord above to keep them going.  That’s probably why these things slip through.

Let me explain what’s wrong with this tweet.   Did previous presidents understand that freedom makes this country great?  I would argue that the founding father’s understood more that democracy and representation made this country great.  Freedom wasn’t so high on the list.  I think if there someone who understands and appreciates the concept of freedom it would have to be Obama over Santorum.

Two of our most popular presidents, Washington and Jefferson, owned slaves.  Kind of goes against that whole freedom understanding claim doesn’t it?  They fought hard to create this country and were very much for branches of government and representation, but not so much about every person actually being free.  Then again we get into that fuzzy definition about who exactly is a person and who isn’t in the late 1700′s.

To have a black president and first lady is inspiring, especially ones as smart as the Obama’s.  For Santorum to say that Obama doesn’t  understand freedom when his race was not able to vote until relatively late in history or for that matter wasn’t even counted as a person in some parts of our country until the mid 1800′s is ridiculous.  I think, because of that, I put my faith (something you claim to be very familiar with Santorum) in Obama to uphold.  Obama provides proof of that fight for freedom time and time again most recently with his bold statement that birth control should be something affordable and available to all women.  The ability to make choices about my body and health and not have an obstacle such as money stand in my way is a great example of freedom.  Let’s compare that to Santorum’s example of freedom being that his religion’s definition of what I should be doing with my body should be the law of the land.

If somebody is going to take away a freedom, can we please take away Khloe and Lamar on E!  In the middle of this blog I just turned it on.  Sorry for the brief break on my freedom rant, but Khloe has her bedroom decked out like some sex dungeon and Lamar turns her down, because “he’s had a long week”.  Excuse me?  First of all, I wish I could take my brain out and rinse it off to remove that visual of their sex dungeon bedroom.  Second, what the hell is up with Lamar that he is turning down a sex swing?  Do I sense trouble in paradise?  Hopefully E! will rerun their 2 hour wedding special so I can be reminded of their true love that is sure to last forever.  Khloe, you are worth millions, is it too much to ask for a reasonable color job on your hair?  Maybe Lamar would be a little more in the mood if your hair would decide what color it wants to be.

Ah, I love exercising my freedoms!  Now that I lost most of my male readers to the sex swing paragraph, let me go back to Santorum.  Did I just write a blog that has sex swing and Santorum in the same blog post?  Probably this has never been done.  I will soon feel the power of prayer as many pray for my soul.

Maybe Santorum should spend the rest of this day truly celebrating freedom.  All freedoms; the freedom of religion, the freedom of choice, the freedom of speech, etc.  This is better than exercising his right of judgement.  I get that we have that right, I am exercising that right now, but I am not running for the highest office in the land.  We can celebrate the foundation that our founding fathers set up and then celebrate how much our society has added to their foundation.  I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for what we have added.  Obama was elected, because he was the right person for the job.  I think if there is somebody who understands and appreciates freedom it is him.

Now excuse me while I see if a good nasal rinse is enough to possible reach my brain for that Khloe and Lamar visual.

My thoughts on PR nightmares, Rick Santorum and the Kardashians

Wide range of topics, I know.  Hey, it’s my blog so I’m going to write about what I want.  Well for all three of you who keep up with my Midwest Voices posts, you might have noticed that I goofed.  Not to relive the entire saga, but I wrote about a stupid abortion bill and the bill I wrote about was last year’s stupid abortion bill instead of this year’s stupid abortion bill.  To my horror, the KC Star pointed this out to me and today I wrote an “apology”.  My first lesson in public humiliation 101.  So I am now doing what I normally do when I make an ass out of myself: go through various public figures who have also made major asses out of themselves and wait for my low dose xanax to kick in to alleviate my overwhelming anxiety.

The xanax has not yet kicked in so I am marinating in anxiety.  Let’s go through my list of people who have screwed up worse than me.  First one who comes to mind is Eliot Spitzer.  He hired a call girl while coming down on organized crime.  He ruined his bright future in politics and still got his own show on CNN.  Granted it got yanked for low ratings, but his ego seems untouched and he is still destined to do great things, in his mind anyway.  Second, good old Bill Clinton.  We all know what he did with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office.  No details of my sex life have been publicized and crashed the web so I’m good there.  He did still manage to have an incredibly successful presidency, so there is hope for me yet to survive this latest embarrassment.  I know I am not going to be President, but I can finally say I stopped looking at him and thinking about him receiving a blow job.  Maybe people will stop thinking about me as the gal who screwed up abortion bills.  See where my mind goes with this stuff.  Roseanne Barr, she managed to screw up the National Anthem and Americans went ape shit crazy.  I think she was the most hated woman in the United States at one point.  Now she lives on a nut farm in Hawaii and I believe she is high most of the time.  I hear she is even running for President under the Green Party.  Anything is possible people.

If these people can withstand public embarrassment, then there is hope for me yet.  Maybe a good night sleep, sharing this blog with all 7 of my readers will make me feel better.  Sometimes I wish my ego was Trump sized so I could easily brush this stuff off and believe my own bullshit, but I might need a few happy hour drinks this weekend to get over this one.  Those who come in contact with me, please tell me it’s going to be o.k., but do not remind me I asked you to say that.

One to one of the biggest embarrassments on television: The Kardashians.  I was not going to blog about them yet, but every time I turn on E! the same two episodes are on.  I am taking that as a sign from God that I am suppose to blog about them and who am I to ignore God?  The first one I keep catching 10 terrible minutes of is when Kourtney decides she is going to start “couponing”.  She gets herself a 3 ring notebook and some laminated sheets probably from the concierge service at the hotel she is staying at and starts clipping coupons for things like toilet paper, paper towels and things for darling Mason.  Here’s the deal Kourt, when you have your bellman carry up your great finds from the local warehouse club you do not need to be couponing.  Leave those treasures on the shelf for the real people who do not have a staff in the lobby of their home, a.k.a. a hotel, to carry them up.  If someone replenishes your toilet paper every day because you have maid service in your hotel room, you do not need to be hoarding toilet paper for when times are tight.  I love it when she meets a fellow couponer in the lobby of the W hotel to share coupons.  Does anyone else find this insulting?  She claims her family finds her “frugal”.  Is that because she only buys 2 pairs of Jimmy Choos instead of 3 pairs of Jimmy Choos when the spring collection comes out?

On to the little Ks.  The 2nd episode that I catch over and over again is the Sweet 16 episode where young Kendall is becoming a lady and momma Kris wants to throw her a Sweet 16 party.  Now momma Kris wants to take her and 74 of her closest friends to the Bahamas.  Momma K probably didn’t spend a dime on this little vaca, because the resort probably is picking up the tab for the entire thing.  The resort is no dummy.   They  know they will receive tons of free publicity from hosting little K and all of her BFFs.  Kendall will not have it!  She does not need all of that.  She suddenly decides that it is too over the top and wants to show her family how down to earth she is by having something smaller.  That may be the lifestyle her family has decided to live, but not her.  She is just a regular gal.  Screen shot to Momma K talking about how proud she is of little K showing her what is important. Momma K spends five minutes patting herself on the back for being such a great momma and raising such a down to earth daughter.   Hallelujah and amen, get this girl to the church because I believe we have found the next Mother Theresa.

We end by seeing the results of what a regular type gal like Kendall does for her Sweet 16.  Just like I did (insert eye roll), she has just a small affair on a roof top of one of the most fabulous hotels in the area.  I believe her big sis speed dials one of many rapper friends on her iPhone to keep it real while all of Kendall’s friends jam out.  I am sure that this little shin dig put Mamma K back about $80,000 or so.  Nothing like showing America what it’s like just to be a regular girl turning 16 instead of some privileged Kardashian.  Shout out to Kendall for keeping it real.  I am sure her next stop after this party will be mission work in the Congo.

On to my last rant, Rick Santorum.  I watched his victory speech last night from St. Charles, MO.  Even I was a little excited for him.   I felt like he was Sally Field during her awards speech, “you like me, you really like me.”  Simmer down there Rick.  About as many people voted for Rick yesterday as voted for our homecoming queen at my college.  Don’t unpack the kid’s Ikea bunk beds in the Lincoln bedroom just yet Santorum family.  The fact remains, your campaign is still broke, you do not stand a chance against Obama and nobody is buying the victory speech about freedom.  These victories do buy you more chances to wear that sweater vest and keep going.  The people who declare a War on Christmas every year are counting on you, so keep fighting Rick.  I will just sit back and continue to enjoy the show.

I do feel better now.

Launching Pleasantly Eccentric

I have decided it’s time.  It’s time for me to launch another blog.  I’ve had a few blogs in the past.  I had a blog called the Road to Adoption about my journey in adopting my beautiful daughter.  I had another blog called Tush Face that I took down a few years ago.  Quick story behind that blog- I was tired of trying to find cute names for blogs that were all taken.  Everyone has a blog these days and that means that all the blog names that are clever are taken.  So in a fit of rage I decided to type a name that I knew no one had.  It was the pet name that my father gave me as child.  Tush face-explains a lot about me in just two words.  He never said it in a mean way.  It was meant the way other dads called their girls “Princess” or “Sweetie”.  Anyway, I typed Tush Face and sure enough that blog name wasn’t taken.

Well I named this one “Pleasantly Eccentric” and sure enough that one wasn’t taken either.  A guy I dated long ago once described me in this way.  I liked the description, not the guy, so I kept it.  I know to read between the lines it means nicely weird, but I’ll let you decide when you read my blog.

In full disclosure, this blog may be littered with grammatical errors.  Get over it.  I’m all about content and I wasn’t an English major.  I was a history major and it has taken me a long way to a life of riches.  (I’m living in my mother’s basement right now, in the middle of a divorce and trying to save my struggling business, but I am awesome at Jeopardy.)

This just in: Susan G Komen restores grant funding to Planned Parenthood!  Power to the People – the Pro-Choice People.  Finally we win one!  It is so rare these days that the pro-choice movement actually wins one that doesn’t involve many court proceedings and challenging the Constitution, but it looks like in the court of public opinion, the pro-choice movement won!  Congratulations and it has been a long time coming.

Anyway, I hope you comment on stuff you like and don’t like.  I’m sure there will be things up here that will satisfy both.  I am going to write about politics, foreign affairs and of course celebrities!  I read Radar Online with just as much interest as the Washington Post.  I watch Meet the Press and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  I am a walking contradiction.  For those of you who roll your eyes and say, “How can you waste your time on that reality television?” Get over your intellectual selves.  I can make an interesting argument for invading Iran and bombing their nuclear sites just as easily as I can discuss why Kylie Jennar should not go to the Bahamas for her 16th birthday like Kris wanted. (more on Kylie later)

I hope you enjoy and more to come later!

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