Urgent: Play MO and KS gun laws- Fact or Fiction

Let’s play a fun game called Kansas and Missouri Proposed Gun Legislation – Fact or Fiction

1.  Coming from the great state of Kansas, we have HB 2199 will have that federal agents that attempt to confiscate guns manufactured in the state of Kansas could be prosecuted and face PRISON time.

2.  A bill proposed in Missouri has anyone representative who votes in favor of gun control legislation could face prison time of up to four years in jail.

3.  A bill in Missouri and Kansas that makes it a requirement that all girls 12 and younger own a shoot ‘em up Barbie and side kick assault weapon Skipper.

Let’s score this bad boy.

1.  Fact and the estimate of this baby to defend it in court $825,000 of Kansas taxpayer cash that we evidently have oodles of in Kansas.

2.  Fact.  Next up in Missouri – bills that would make discussing if Santa is real illegal.  The follow-up to that bill are more bills on the tooth fairy and unicorns.

3.  Fiction.  I had to throw one in to make this game hard.

So thanks to Kansas and Missouri, I’m book ended by cray-cray.

Let’s start with the Kansas law.  Kansas feels that any restrictions on the 2nd amendment will be unconstitutional.  So we are going to threaten imprisonment of federal agents if they decide to enforce them.  They do this by saying that any guns manufactured in the state of Kansas are excluded from any restrictions on the 2nd amendment.

Hang on federal government, I’ve got the response to this one.

Kansas lawmakers – if you decide to pursue this, I will make the executive decision granted to me by my rights as official blog writer of Pleasantly Eccentric to revoke the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.  That means you are on your own when it comes to combating drug crimes and gangs.  Your biggest fears have come true.  Kansas will become even more of a home base for funneling drugs into the US and gangs will own this great land of Oz.  Also, no response from the National Guard – so all that snow that’s coming or possible tornadoes in the spring that may require federal assistance – sorry Charlie.  No more FBI to solve crime.  Also, in the long-shot category, if a foreign enemy decides to strike, hope those Kansas handguns will serve you well.

You are on your own Kansas. Good luck and God bless!

All of this because of the federal government is trying to REGULATE the 2nd amendment?  Not do away with, but regulate.  Again to my point that we REGULATE the 1st amendment all the time.  Never mind that you are ok putting regulations all over the 1st amendment when it comes to abortion that has been found to be a constitutional right…

Not to get off track.

Missouri – don’t think I forgot about you.

Something I would like to suggest is more anti-bullying legislation.

From stopbullying.gov

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Ding! Ding!   If you just change out school aged children and put in Missouri lawmakers, I think we have a match!  I would say that threatening to put someone in prison qualifies as exclusion.  Instead of introducing laws putting lawmakers in jail, might I suggest expanding on the state-wide anti-bullying definition to include state representatives?

Kansas and Missouri – since I basically straddle the state line, could you please go more than a week and not introduce legislation that embarrasses the hell out of me?  Even if you could just avoid making national news where the journalists don’t roll their eyes or sigh heavily when reading the story that would be a huge start.

 

 

 

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Gov. Brownback, God is on line 1 and he says you are wrong

Governor Brownback, God just spoke to me.  God and I just had a little one-on-one regarding your pro-life speech you gave in Arlington, VA.  For the readers here is a little taste of that speech:

Brownback said during a speech at the National Right to Life convention in Arlington, Va., the United States would place into law sentiment held by a majority of Americans that elective abortion should be illegal. This belief is reinforced, the governor said, by an understanding God would unequivocally stand for life.

http://cjonline.com/news/state/2012-10-06/brownback-certain-roe-v-wades-ultimate-demise

This just in Governor.  God doesn’t agree.  See, he told me so.  You don’t have an exclusive to God.  I have conversations with God as well and he told me you are mistaken.  God wants me to remind you of a few things:

• God never mentions abortion in the Bible.
• God is pro-choice.
• The highest court in the United States ruled that abortion was legal.  You need to honor that and not make it your personal quest to over turn it just because you think that’s the way it should be.
• God is the supreme judge of people not you.
• You need to stop your ego trip in defining God’s intentions.
• In the Bible, God defines life as the time when he blew in the nostrils and the baby starts breathing.  It is in Genesis 2:7 to be exact: Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.  This is NOT at the time of conception.

If anyone is wondering why America is so polarized politically look no further than politicians speaking on behalf of God.  A person’s relationship with God and interpreting the Bible is a personal experience.  Who says one person’s interpretation of what God intended is more right then the next person’s especially when it isn’t spelled out in the Bible?  This is more than I’m right and you are wrong.  It is I’m right and I go to heaven and you are wrong and you go to hell.  Why is Governor Brownback’s conversations with God any more relevant than my conversations with God?  My God is pro-choice and pro-woman.  Why shouldn’t that take precedence over his interpretation?  Who gets to be more right?  It is not like God will phone in his vote like it is Dancing with the Stars.  Or maybe he will.  Did God just vote for Bristol Palin?  He said she is sure shaking what he gave her.

If there was one thing the Founding Father’s were crystal clear on it was Separation of Church and State.  The Republican Party shoves the intentions of the Founding Father’s down our throats when it comes to the 2nd amendment.  Governor Brownback, listen to your party.  Federal law trumps state law.  Respect the system the Founding Fathers set up.  Stop wasting Kansas money on laws that will always be challenged in court costing Kansans thousands in taxpayer money.  Go to church.  Pray that there is an end in abortion.  I encourage you to do that.  Try to convince people through your church not to have abortions.  I think there is room in this country for pro-life and pro-choice.  If this is your personal quest, honor it in your own time in a peaceful, non-violent way.  Just keep it out of government.

God told me these were his wishes.  I pray to the same God you do.  I claim my interpretation is right…so there.

KS birth control laws pushing new business away

Dear business owners, CEOs and entrepreneurs:

This is a letter to anyone thinking of moving their business to Kansas. Kansas is a great place for businesses and a great place for families. I grew up here and moved back to raise my family after spending time on the east coast. It is Midwest living at its finest. There is plenty of space to build a beautiful company headquarters to your liking. Your employees can find affordable housing and their children can attend the best schools. Let’s not forget the excellent BBQ!

With all of this great Midwest living, I have to tell you, if you have female employees in your company I would highly suggest not moving here. See there are a lot of other great places that also have great housing, wonderful schools and good food that are probably more female friendly. Our government spends a ridiculous amount of time writing, debating and passing extreme legislation on abortion and birth control. They could spend time finding ways to make Kansas more business friendly instead they waste hours and hours writing legislation finding ways to outlaw birth control in our great state.

Just yesterday Rep Lance Kinzer (R, Olathe) who sponsored the most recent anti-birth control bill that allows doctors and pharmacists who oppose prescribing any medication that they feel causes an abortion said this,

“The bill’s very clearly drafted to say that it only applies where there’s a termination of pregnancy, ” Kinzer said. “I’m no medical expert and so I leave it to others to talk about which specific drugs are, in fact, abortion-inducing.” KC Star 3/29/2012

The bill is SB62 Here’s the deal business owners, this bill is so vague and it leaves no room for anyone to sue a pharmacist or doctor who doesn’t prescribe birth control. A pharmacist could decide that all birth control causes abortion by preventing pregnancy in the first place. If you decide to bring your business to Kansas you could risk bringing it to an area where your female employee could not get birth control. What does that mean? A lot to your business financially. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing when planned and wanted. Everyone agrees with that. However, we all know pregnancy costs an employer a lot of money! Without access to birth control, your employees are now faced with unwanted and unplanned pregnancies and that costs a lot to your bottom line in lost productivity, increased insurance costs and decreased employee moral.

Now, does this mean the entire state will be birth control free? Probably not at this point, but if Rep. Kinzer has his way it sure seems like that’s what he is going for. Also, what if you decide to move your business to a small town and the only local pharmacist decides not to stock birth control? Why risk it. What if the state outlaws Plan B in the entire state? At this point anything is possible.

I long for a time when my state government focused on jobs and the economy of KS. I wish they would work on making Kansas a state where businesses would want to relocate instead of creating law that is so hurtful to female employees. I am sorry potential Kansas business that you can’t have an opportunity to enjoy our schools, our beautiful parks and our wonderful food. In business, the bottom line counts. It wouldn’t make financial sense to move to a state that does not make sound decisions about legislation without thinking about the bottom line of Kansas businesses and instead put their own personal moral opinions in front of everything else. Remember, women are 50% of the workforce.

Enjoy your time in another state. You will be missed!

I guess that means more BBQ for me.

Sincerely,

Aimee

My email to Sen. Merrick about SB 62 in Kansas

Dear Sen. Merrick,

I urge  you as a voter in your district not to vote for SB 62.  I understand by your voting record you are pro-life.  I respect the existence of pro-life and pro-choice Americans.  I do not believe the world needs an all or nothing stance.  However, this bill is too vague.  It will cause Kansas to open itself up to costly lawsuits in order to define this bill.  The state of Kansas cannot afford to waste any more money in the judicial system trying to define vague legislation.  

I know that as a fiscally responsible representative, you want to see Kansas thrive economically.  In a time when our state needs to focus on fiscally responsible legislation passing a bill like this is financially irresponsible. I would say this about any bill that is this vague in definition. This state is desperate to elect fiscally responsible politicians both Democrat and Republican.  Voting in legislation that will cost this state millions in legal fees does not make sense in a time when school funding is being cut, we desperately need job growth and our social programs are suffering from budget cuts. 

I am fine if you are pro-life just like you should recognize that  voters in your district are pro-choice.  Please continue to do your best to convince women not to seek abortion by preaching this message in your church and among your friends.  Please keep this vague and costly legislation out of our government.  Kansas simply can’t afford it.

I am confident you will do the right thing.  This voter is paying attention.

Sincerely,

Aimee

Gov. Brownback – my proposal to create jobs & restrict women’s rights at the same time: a microchip

Governor Brownback, or Sam.. can I call you Sam?  I think I’m going to call you Sam since you are working so hard to control my vagina, I think that means we are becoming pretty intimate.  So I see you are all about job creation for Kansas per your press release today.  Thank God, oh excuse me, “goodness” that is something we can agree on!  I don’t think there is a person, republican or democrat, who disagrees with job creation.  It’s a great thing and especially a great thing for Kansas.  Technology jobs are a great thing for Kansas.  I was thinking about that today and also thinking about all of the restrictive legislation our great state of KS has proposed to limit my rights as a woman.  What would be a great way to create jobs, especially those in the tech industry and continue your fight to turn back the clock on women’s health to something equal to that of the Victorian era?

Ah ha!  I’ve got it!  Microchips.  Microchips are the thing that can solve all of our problems.  I know that they can be used to implant in the family pet. If Fido gets out, it can send a signal back to command center “Find Fido” and family pet can instantly be located on GPS.    My proposal is we build a plant right here in the great state of KS and develop these microchips to implant in a woman’s vagina.  Now, it sounds radical, but so did mandatory vaginal ultrasounds at one point.

Stay with me here, the microchips can monitor every part of a woman’s cycle and report all of the findings to her state government.  This would include all sexual partners, any form of birth control and any attempts to abort any pregnancies.  Once Christian conservatives have their way and outlaw all contraception, it can monitor a woman’s cycle and report back to the woman the “safe” times in a woman’s cycle to have sex to avoid pregnancy by sending out a series of signals.  I think we need to work on the signal part.  I’m not sure if the signals should be beeps or vibrations.  The beeps could be too loud and the vibrations…well, we wouldn’t want the women to get sexually aroused.  I mean, we all know that sex is purely for procreation only.  There should be no arousal or pleasure from sex by conservative republican standards.  Vibrations are definitely out now that I think about it.  That settles it, beeps are in. That could be slightly awkward if the signals went off while at work.  Oh well, government legislation has made sex lives of women so public I guess we should all get used to knowing the intimate details of everyone.  The microchip could monitor the number of sexual partners a woman has so it could determine the “slut” factor of a woman and report that finding back to a woman’s employer, her political party, her church, the government.

Republicans are all for cutting the size of government except when it comes to overseeing women’s bodies so let’s create a new government department (oh, I know hypocrisy of it all – insert flirty laugh).  We will call it the Department of Vagina.  This department will be in charge of monitoring all of this data.  No need for gynecologists anymore with this microchip.  We can let the physicians know that if you aren’t delivering babies there is no need to be examining lady parts anymore.  The government has this handled thank you very much!  I think this is going to be great.  We develop and manufacture this microchip here in KS.  Think of all of the conservative states that will be lining up to order this, TX, OK, VA…the list is endless.

Let me know what you think Sam.  It is definitely a win-win for the state of KS.  We will look like we are pushing the boundaries of technology, creating jobs and playing God in the process.  Isn’t that really what you are after anyway?  I also want to recommend a state motto change – Kansas: where your vagina is everyone’s business.

HB 2598, a letter to Kansas about your great fairy tale

Dear State of Kansas:

In my free time, I love to read restrictive abortion legislation. Tonight, it was between your house bill 2598 and the latest People Magazine. Sure enough, your HB 2598 proved to be more thrilling than Kim Kardashian’s latest love interest. As thrilling as it was, there are some things I think I should point out to you, Kansas. See, the plot was good and character development was excellent; princess played by the pregnant woman, dragon played by doctor, brave and honest prince played by you, the state of Kansas. So the plot, princess gets herself pregnant and seeks out a legal abortion. Dragon attempts to give her a legal abortion, but wait…brave and honest prince, (state of KS) comes to save her. Brave and honest prince does this by various measures:

1. Allows the husband and/or parents if princess is under 18 to sue the doctor for cost x 3 of abortion plus attorney costs.

2. Provide princess scientifically inaccurate information that was written directly from a so called “crisis pregnancy center” to princess.

3. Charging dragon with a Class A misdemeanor for violating unfair rules put in place by brave and honest prince!

Now I have read my share of fairy tales since I am raising a beautiful, adopted 5 year old daughter. In my fair tales, the prince is usually applauded for his use of bravery and honesty when saving the princess. What I think you lack here, State of KS is the honesty part.

First, I do not have a law degree like the brilliant minds who must have written this legislation, so I may be totally off base, but I don’t think it is going to be possible to prosecute #1. See if the abortion happens, proving paternity is impossible. It is written into the legislation that if the person is “married” then husband will be able to sue. Here is an example of the defense I would use to fight this, “I cheated”. I rest my case. Your assumption here State of KS is that all married people are faithful and therefore, all pregnancies must be the husband’s. Isn’t that cute! Your innocence is part of your charm. That is further proof this is a fairy tale.

Second., have you read the “required material” you are asking that clinics hand out? The information is unproven - including risk of premature birth in future pregnancies, risk of breast cancer..This is your fiction not mine. Aren’t you worried about setting a precedence here. You are giving the ok for doctors to hand out false information in this country and they can use the defense, “the dragons did it”. Also, I don’t think in your required material you need to put the part about the egg and sperm meeting to create pregnancy. The princess probably gets that or they wouldn’t be seeking an abortion in the first place. Maybe that part is better served for our youth to know how not to end up facing the dragon in the first place. Also, in fetal development, you left out the stage where the fetus tap dances.

Third, do you really want to charge dragon with a misdemeanor? Practicing medicine should never be a crime in this country. I know that brave princes receive a lot of political donations from doctors. If you start charging any of them with crimes this might cause some doctors to pull some of their campaign contributions. They might not love that princes’s in this country are acting like God and charging anyone in their profession with a crime for performing legal procedures.

Now my brave prince, I know you honor the Kings of the Castle (a.k.a. the Founding Fathers of our Constitution) The Kings wrote this little gem:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

See my brave and honest prince, you do a great job with the life and liberty part, especially when defending your right to own assault weapons, but you fall short on the pursuit of happiness portion. I argue that the princesses may seek out the legal option of abortion for various reason, but one may be because of what the founding fathers, I mean, the kings, said was a right endowed by their Creator to the American people…the pursuit of happiness and that is no fairy tale but a very real possibility. It is not your job to continue qualifying everything to your liking. This falls into liberty or freedom like freedom of choice and if that choice is pursuit of happiness the kings have blessed that choice. It is not for you to say if they did or not. I will interpret their intentions to say they did. (and you will interpret their intentions to say they did not so we cancel each other out-sticking out my tongue like a 5 year old)

Thank you brave and honest prince for reading my letter. I enjoyed reading your fairy tale, I mean HB 2598. I hope you know that by voting this bill into law, you are handicapping the state of Kansas to defend expensive lawsuits and costly materials that are false in information. I agree that you have a right to be pro-life, but please keep that mission to your churches and neighborhoods. I prefer my tax dollars not be spent writing fairy tales.

Thank you,

the wicked witch of Johnson County, KS