Aimee’s Political Top 5 List of the Week

There has been so much going on this past week that I have resorted to the Top 5 list.  I’m wondering if I can keep it to 5 things to highlight this week, because every time I turn around, there is something else making headlines that is “blogworthy”.

The Top 5 Things that have me going WTF? (Ask Speaker Boehner if you need to know what the “F” stands for)

5 – Michele Bachmann introduces a new bill to repeal Obamacare.

Ring…ring..

“Michele.it’s for you.  It’s 2012 calling and they want their issue back.”

Been there, done that. In fact line 2 is calling and it’s abused women.

Ring…ring…

4- Violence Against Women Act

Excuse me..GOP, could I interrupt you for a moment?  I know you guys (I mean guys literally) are super busy right now with America recovering from your attempt to throw us off the fiscal cliff.  However, we can all agree that you had a little image problem when it came to the last election.  Your ability to look very male and very white was a problem and some would say cost you the election.  The hashtag #WaronWomen got a lot of mileage on Twitter.   Blame that on Todd Akin, blame that on other various member of your party who were educating us every other week on how our anatomy worked, but in the end women voted and a lot of you lost.  So why is it then that when the VAWA bill that was passed by the Senate came up for a vote on the House you didn’t (I mean forgot) to vote on it?

psst…little secret here-if you want to repair your image, might I suggest that you vote on a bill that is called the VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT?  I know I’m not some fancy political consultant inside the beltway, but my guess is that would have been a good start to repair the damage done to you in the last campaign cycle.  Little hint – this is probably going to come back to bite you in the tush come next election cycle.

3 – The Hillary Clinton Conspiracy

Hillary falls, gets a concussion and then ends up hospitalized with a blood clot.  Conspiracy freaks ran wild with talk that this was all done so she didn’t have to testify in the Benghazi matter.  I know I planned my DVT that I suffered from about 5 years ago to get out of some obligations I had as well.  I think my obligation was some birthday party for a toddler  I didn’t want to go to. The blood thinners that I had to inject in my abdomen twice a day for about six weeks was a picnic so I could get out of things I had planned.  It was awesome having to go to the doctor almost weekly to have my blood levels checked.  To all those who said she did this on purpose – you nailed it!  I know I caused my DVT on purpose.  How did you guess?  Gosh you guys are geniuses!

2 – Roy Blunt

A personal thank you Roy Blunt.  It seems like almost weekly you provide me with some inspiration for my writing.  This week it was about Hurricane Sandy relief and why it’s o.k. not to provide any disaster relief to the victims -

His response on Hurricane Sandy relief:  “Sometimes when you ask for too much, you don’t get anything,” he said.

Now my daughter has a children’s book called “Pinkalicious”.  Pinkalicious loves everything pink and desperately wants to eat pink cupcakes.  When her mom refuses to give her more pink cupcakes her mom says, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”  I’ve heard of a lot of politicians basing their political careers off of Machiavelli’s “The Prince”, but it seems like you are basing yours more off of Pinkalicious.  One philosophy you are NOT basing your political career off of is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.  Talk about tough love.
1 – The GOP Congress
This one was easy.  Talk about putting the fun back in dysfunction.  Watching Congress work out our fiscal cliff problem was more exciting than a Real Housewives of Atlanta finale.  I haven’t seen this much infighting and backstabbing since last season of the Bachelor.  It was political theater either at its best since I couldn’t take my eyes off of it or at it’s worst for the exact same reason.  Thanks to Boehner, it became acceptable to drop the f-bomb on Twitter.  I think Boehner could become synonymous with the word “fuck” except it really makes it sound x-rated.  Did you just drop a Boehner?
All of this from the party who gave us the term “traditional family values” and “Christian Conservatives”.  This is the party who would vote against a bill and throw America off of a fiscal cliff instead of compromise even though their GOP peers in the Senate overwhelmingly voted for the same bill.  These are the same people who initially didn’t want to introduce Hurricane Sandy relief legislation some will speculate because they are still smarting over the fact that Chris Christie said nice things about Obama.  Yet, only back a few months they couldn’t wait to tell us one campaign commercial after another what great Christians they are and how this country should go back to good Christian values.  Turns out they caved and are voting on Hurricane Sandy relief, but only because they couldn’t drowned out the outrage from America over this choice.
I could go on….but I won’t.  I think the Real Housewives is on, or C-SPAN.  These days I get them mixed up.
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An Open Letter to the Tea Party – The Morning After the Fiscal Cliff

Dear Tea Party,

 

Whew..that was a close one!  We survived the fiscal cliff and didn’t go over in a barrel.  I think they are printing the commemorative t-shirts as we speak – “I survived the fiscal cliff 2012/2013!”

Talk about more drama than a Real Housewives of New Jersey episode.  I was waiting for Andy Cohen from Bravo to show up and do a Watch What Happens Live after the House vote last night.  So much for the pledge “no more politics as usual.”  Oh well, that’s Washington.

So, it’s the morning after and you have a big problem on your hands.  See, I was checking out your website:  http://www.teaparty.org

You have some pretty colorful language.

15 Non-Negotiable Core Beliefs

1. Illegal aliens are here illegally.
2. Pro-domestic employment is indispensable.
3. A strong military is essential.
4. Special interests must be eliminated.
5. Gun ownership is sacred.
6. Government must be downsized.
7. The national budget must be balanced.
8. Deficit spending must end.
9. Bailout and stimulus plans are illegal.
10. Reducing personal income taxes is a must.
11. Reducing business income taxes is mandatory.
12. Political offices must be available to average citizens.
13. Intrusive government must be stopped.
14. English as our core language is required.
15. Traditional family values are encouraged.

 

By the way, regarding this:  Commonsense, Conservative, Constitutional Self-Governance Is Our Mode Of Operation. Yes, we are a Christian nation. However, you do not have to be a Christian to enjoy freedom. The Tea Party welcomes all red-blooded U.S. Citizens.   Gee, thanks for allowing me and Jewish people like me to enjoy freedom.  I’m enjoying my freedom right now, the freedom of speech by the way by writing this letter and telling you that this is a bunch of junk.  Dang it!  There goes my New Year’s resolution of trying to be more kind.  Oh well, there is always next year.

So during the political drama last night, your tea party members weren’t only hesitating on the edge of the cliff, they were willing to shove America off the cliff.  Throwing us off the cliff would have resulted in the following:

For high earners, married couples making more than $222,300 but less than $397,000, rates would jump from 33 percent to 36 percent. For the highest earners, couples making over $397,000, taxes would rise from 35 percent to 39.6 percent.

But they’d rise for almost everyone else, too. Couples making $145,900 – $222,300 would see a rate jump from 28 percent to 31 percent. Couples making $72,300 – $145,900 would see rates jump from 25 percent to 28 percent.

The middle class would take the biggest hit: Married couples earning $60,350 – $72,300 would see tax rates jump from 15 percent to 28 percent. That means that without any credits or deductions, a couple making $65,000 would go from taking home $55,250 to taking home $46,800 next year if Congress and the president fail to strike a deal.

That’s versus what actually happened which is this:

Households making between $40,000 and $50,000 will face an average tax increase of $579 in 2013, according to the Tax Policy Center’s analysis. Households making between $50,000 and $75,000 will face an average tax increase of $822.

“For most people, it’s just the payroll tax,” said Roberton Williams, a senior fellow at the Tax Policy Center.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/payroll-tax-rise-article-1.1231335#ixzz2GpM9aMRX

So now what Tea Party?  Most of your members voted against the bill. It’s hard to know what to do when you have “non-negotiable, core beliefs”.  Eric Cantor was leading the charge, ready to throw America right off the cliff.  Some say politicians like Cantor and Rubio who voted against the deal did so just because they have higher aspirations down the road (a.k.a. President of the United States). Dang it, there goes another resolution – no more gossiping.

Voting for the bill saved the country from a financial tail-spin.  Voting against the bill would have caused all American taxes to significantly rise and could have cause an economic melt-down.  I guess it’s not all black and white, sometimes there are shades of gray.  It’s those times when you wish there was Plan B.

Anyway, thanks again for clarifying that it’s o.k. for me to stay in the states and enjoy my freedom.  You guys are gems.

Now that this political theater is over, I’ll go back to Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Can you believe the Kim is Kanye’s  baby mama?  I guess the next drama will be Feb. when it’s debt ceiling time.

Yours in freedom,

Aimee

Message to Todd Akin from God

This just in.  God sent me a message to deliver to Akin.  God heard your prayers about staying in the race for Senate.  In fact he, no I’m sorry, she said enough already with the praying.  She got your message…all of your messages.  

She wants me to tell you that she is proud of you for standing up and apologizing for saying that any form of rape is legitimate.  She knows you messed up and didn’t mean that.  Nobody in their right mind would say that rape of any sort would be legitimate.

God is still angry.  See you left out a key part that you didn’t apologize for.  You didn’t apologize for implying that women can just will a pregnancy from happening.  In the controversial statement, you seemed to imply that if women didn’t want to get pregnant, we could just think it away and it wouldn’t happen.  God said she spent countless hours designing our amazing female reproductive system and to imply that our system could be circumvented by a few strong thoughts is crazy.

Since you are looking to God so heavily to decide if you are staying in this race or not, I thought I should give you some direct feedback from upstairs.  Just a little FYI, God also doesn’t agree with your position on the morning-after pill either.  See the morning-after pill is not the abortion pill.  She says she wouldn’t have given doctors the ability to come up with this technology if she didn’t want people in our society to be able to better regulate their fertility.  She wanted me to remind you that the morning-after pill changes the lining of the uterus so that an egg will be less likely to implant into the walls of the uterus.  It is not the abortion pill like many people believe.  She said for you to be against the morning-after pill is just plain wrong. If you are against the morning-after pill you are against birth control. She wanted me to remind women that if you stay in the race, this alone could hurt your chances with voters, because of your extremist views on birth control. 

God also thought Piers Morgan’s empty seat last night on his show representing you was pretty funny.  God has a wicked sense of humor.

Anyway, Rep. Akin, your prayers are coming through loud and clear.  Consider adding to your apology.  God and American women are listening.

Thanks,

God via Aimee

 

Pledge Lambda Chi Congress this fall!

Come pledge Lambda Chi Congress this fall

Pledging a fraternity can be a difficult process.  First, there is rush where the fraternities do their best to recruit you.  After you pick which fraternity is right for you, the next step is becoming a pledge.  This can involve hundred-year old traditions where you learn the fraternity language, understand the rituals and take the oath of brotherhood.  

One fraternity that is recruiting heavily this fall is Lambda Chi Congress.  Their rush is a little more involved than your traditional fraternity.  You have to do campaign commercials that involve you standing on a farm somewhere discussing your patriotism and you relate to the American people because (insert cause).  After spending rich donor money to create these campaign commercials you are voted in by the American people.

Once voted in, you start to learn the rituals and traditions.  Just like most fraternities, the social scene is historic.  Unlike most fraternities, partying isn’t left only at the frat house.  Expect to be flown to our Holy Land for the party of your lifetime when you pledge Lambda Chi Congress.  You will be put up at the finest hotels.  

Like most fraternities, expect a bit of hazing in Lambda Chi Congress.  Since you believe you are God’s gift, you can expect to see if that is really the case.  We mean literally expect to see if that’s the case.  You will get an opportunity to swim in the Sea of Galilee where Jesus was known to have walked on water.  

Congressman Yoder, Republican from KS, had that opportunity.  As a pledge of Lambda Chi Congress, Congressman Yoder took the ritual literally and fully undressed down to what God gave him.  He took a little dip in the Sea of Galilee on his pledge trip.  

Unlike most fraternities who only have to deal with pesky campus police when things get crazy, expect in Lambda Chi Congress to have to deal with the FBI.  This dip in the Sea of Galilee by Congressman Yoder and others prompted a FBI investigation.  It was revealed in this investigation that Congressman Yoder did in fact reveal his birthday suit.  Silly FBI…boys will be boys!

Consider pledging Lambda Chi Congress this fall.  The parties are raging, the rituals are historic and you an prove if you really are God’s gift to the world.

My post today in the Kansas City Star

I wrote this today for the Kansas City Star about the symbolic vote yesterday on the Affordable Care Act:

http://voices.kansascity.com/entries/congress-no-more-symbolic-votes/

Aimee

Rush, next time use protection

Dear Rush,

Since we are so busy handing out apologies today, I thought I would offer you my sincere apology.  See I guess I have also been wrong and I was not even aware of it until you pointed it out on your show today.  I tuned in to your show and it is not something I do usually, but since you called the Georgetown student a slut last week, I decided to tune in today.

Well, it was a great opportunity to hear you explain yourself further based on the standard written statement you released over the weekend when no one was really paying much attention.  So I listened and that is when I realized that it was really me who owed you an apology.  I had no idea that you were really the victim in this whole affair.

While you were explaining yourself, you made it very clear that you were so seduced by the liberal side of the debate on contraception and that is what made you fall from your usual high communication standards and caused you to call Ms. Fluke a “slut”. You pointed out it is usually only liberals and Democrats who participate in such name calling and your standards are so much higher than our standards.  It was only because of this momentary lapse of judgement that you allowed yourself to be brought down to our level and play the same types of games we Democrats play by calling out this woman as a “prostitute” as you say.

So, Mr. Limbaugh, with that I do offer my sincere apology.  I had no idea you were so easily brought down to my level of politics and national dialog.  Now mind you, the words, “slut” and “prostitute” were your words alone.  You picked those words to describe this young woman.  The level that I choose to reside at when discussing a category of individuals usually goes like this; underserved, disadvantaged, wealthy, elitist, man, woman, wife, husband, Christian, Jew, African American, Caucasian.  These are the ones I generally use.  I can see how these words confuse you and you believe are similar to the words you picked.  I can also see how your level of political analysis and dialog is so much higher and my level is so much lower.  For this I am truly sorry.  I had no idea the power of my liberalness and the pull of the left wing in this nation toward inclusion could be so seductive and could cause you to so easily fall off your pedestal.   Ah, the power of the ….what is it?  It starts with a “p”?  Politics, yes politics is the word I’m looking for.

I hope now that your apology is out there to the American people, you can dust yourself off and put yourself back up on that higher level.  The level where exclusion is much more important than inclusion.  The level where life is grand provided you have the money to be able to maintain membership to this higher level club.  Continue to fight hard against us, Mr. Limbaugh with our moral arguments that everyone should be equal and decent healthcare should be available to all not just to those who can afford it.  I know that kind of talk is just dirty and so obscene that it makes you say things like women who use birth control are sluts.  I know, I know that kind of talk just brings out the worst in you and I understand why.  Get comfortable in that elevated club of conservatism.  I know!  Maybe you should build a fence around it?  A golden fence and it should be patrolled by border agents.  That way you can never be seduced off of it by our liberal pull.

A word to the wise, if you should happen to be seduced down to our level again, maybe you should consider using protection?  It may prevent you in the future from having words like “slut” and “prostitute” slip out of your mouth again.  When you use protection, things won’t happen that you don’t plan to have happen in the first place.  Then you don’t end up having to pay for the consequences for the rest of your life.  The consequences can be extremely costly as I think you are finding out with your advertisers now using the rhythm method and all pulling out.

Sincerely,

Aimee Patton

I’m sorry, no really really sorry, kinda sorry, I think.

Well, Rush apologized. Only after a twitter war erupted that was nuclear in strength did he apologize. Only after sponsors began jumping ship from public pressure did he finally retreat. Only after deafening criticism from politicians and media did the giant finally fall. Then when he finally offered the olive branch it was on a Saturday, when no one really pays any attention, except news nerds like me, and it went something like this, “This is Rush, I am sorry I called the student a slut. My point still stands however, but I guess I’m not as funny as I thought. Love, Rush.” Of course these are my words, not his, but I will save you the agony of reading the forced statement.

I have always been told the sincerity of an apology can be found in the content of the apology. If the apology is only an apology then it is sincere. If the apology is followed up by the further stressing of the original point, then it really isn’t an apology. The old, “I’m sorry, but blah blah blah” doesn’t really mean the person is truly sorry. I’ll admit, I am a debater by heart, and I struggle with this. I have insulted people when arguing a point I am passionate about. For clarification, I have never insulted anyone like Rush did and would never think to, but I know I have stuck my foot in my mouth a time or two. In the past, whenever I have apologized I have been very mindful to only apologize and never to continue arguing my point. That is the entire reason for apologizing. If I offend someone I never do it on purpose. To show that it was not on purpose, I only apologize for the offense and that is all. To continuing arguing my point shows that maybe there was intent to insult. Rush does not do this and continues to argue his point in the apology. This is why, I believe, his apology is not sincere. But I am just one in a jury of millions.

So will this be enough to calm the masses? This fury train left the station long ago. Now, there is an “occupy Rush” planned for Monday. People furious with Rush plan to call in to his show to basically cause a virtual sit in and clog his phone lines. First, there was the apology demanded and now people want him fired. Will he be “fired”? I use quotes, because if he ends up fired from one station, he will find a home at another. The fact is that Rush makes money. Millions of dollars are made from Rush and that means his job is secure. As awful and disgusting as I think the man’s rhetoric is, he will have his show somewhere. I admit that I tuned in last week to hear his show the day after “slutgate”. What was he talking about? Some study from Britain that sited that a certain number of women would pick bigger boobs over higher IQs. With all of the interesting political things to discuss, this is what he picked…boobs. Not Iran, the situation in Syria or even the number of domestic issues here at home, but boobs.

So now we wait and see. Will this be enough? I don’t know. I think the fury that has been unleashed is partly towards Rush and the other part is generally towards the Republicans for the way they have handled this whole contraception debate in the first place. However, I do have one point to make with my side. I am irritated at my side for this overwhelming need to defend ourselves and justify why we use contraceptives in the first place. I have read the Facebook posts and tweets and almost all of them center around the medical reasons for contraception. So many women are telling their stories from the medical side of things. I am guilty of that as well. I make no secret of the fact that I used continuous birth control pills for years to control extreme endomeitriosis and PCOS until an emergency hysterectomy at 33. However, what I think is missing are the voices of women who are proud to say that they use contraception to have monogamous, responsible sex and prevent pregnancy. I think more women should be shouting that loud and proud in this debate because the people they are having this great monogamous and responsible sex with is men or they wouldn’t need the contraception in the first place. To admit this fact does not make women “sluts” as Rush says. To admit this makes us sexually liberated and that is something our mothers and grandmothers fought for in the 60s.

I don’t understand how a stripper pole aerobics class can find its way to the suburbs of most American cities, but women can’t stand up in this country and admit that they want affordable contraception in this country so they can have active sex lives and not have the added stress of unplanned pregnancies. It was not that long ago that America was religiously watching Sex and the City to see how four fabulous New York women lived their lives and no one called them “sluts”, well maybe Samantha. I think the problem with people like Rush and his comments is the assumption that women who use contraception are sleeping around with many men. That is old school thinking Gentlemen and it isn’t anyone’s damn business. I just don’t think it matters if contraception is for medical reasons or family planning reasons. I don’t think a person should have to justify either way to make sure it is available. I guess I am here to say, to those women who aren’t suffering from unbearable girlie gut problems, but still want contraception, you go girl! I mean it is 2012, not 1912 (snap).

With that awesomeness, I say good night.

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