The next Presidential Election and the GOP candidate is…..crickets

It’s time I switch my focus from the “Krazy Kansas” as I call it (trademark pending) to a national focus.  It’s never too early to start talking about the next Presidential election or as I call it, my Super Bowl.

Lets meet the players.  From the Democratic side we have Hilllary Clinton and……


Ok so from the Democratic side it is Hillary.  I think we can all agree that she is slated to be the Democratic candidate for the next Presidential Election even while she is still “thinking about running.”  Whateve Hill, we know are you totally in and so excited you can barely stand it.

From the Republican side it gets a bit more complicated.  We have an interesting cast of characters and for the life of me can’t tell who the heck is going to lead the conservative pack.

I call the Republican contenders the “boy brunette brigade” or the triple B for short -  Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Chris Christie, Paul Ryan and now Jeb Bush.

You can probably throw in Rick Santorum for good measure.

Out of this list, none of them is a strong candidate against Hillary.

I’ll admit – even though I want a Democrat to win, I long for a solid Republican candidate to make it an exciting race.  With any of these candidates we will just end up with Romney II.  A candidate who is lukewarm without any really chance of winning.  There will be a few exciting moments, but most of it will be a big zzzzzfest.

Listen up GOP, get your shit together!  I want a strong Republican candidate.  I love the political process. I love feisty debates, negative campaign ads.  Without a strong candidate, I’ll be forced to watch more Bravo to satisfy my need for drama.  Please feed my need for good politics.

So Republicans I ask you to step it up.  Who am I missing and why would they make a good candidate?

Marco Rubio can’t seem to hold it together on a national stage.  Ted Cruz shut down the government with a Dr. Suess book and America is still pissed.  Chris Christie…well you guys can’t really stand himself so why would Independents or Dem cross the line to vote for him?  Jeb Bush???? Really?  How many times are you going to back to that well?  I’m falling asleep just writing about these candidates.

Think about it GOP – you have so many winnable issues this time around.  The Democrats couldn’t have served up on a silver platter more beatable issues in the next election.  Obamacare, Benghazi, NSA spying, the IRIS scandal.  They are yours for the taking  except that you don’t have a candidate worth a darn.  Find somebody ASAP and get him or her (oh who am I kidding – him) out there on the national stage stat!

What do you think?  Do the Republicans have a chance in the next election?

If you don’t find a strong candidate soon, we will easily call Hillary Clinton the next President of the United States.



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HB2210 – An open letter to Governor Brownback



Dear Governor Brownback,

I just need a quick moment of your time.  There is a bill on the way to your desk that just passed the KS Senate – HB 2210.  From the KC Star -

“House Bill 2210 would prevent voters who have a party affiliation from switching after the June 1 filing deadline until after primary results are certified in August. It would allow unaffiliated voters to change registration.”
Read more here:


Now there are some rumors floating around that people in one party switch parties to vote in the primary election to either 1. vote in the moderate candidate to beat the conservative in the primary election OR 2. vote the conservative in for hopes of an easy win come the general election (a la Missouri’s Todd Akin and Claire McCaskill race)


I’m asking you to please veto the bill.  Let’s not make it any harder for Kansans to participate in the election process. A bill like this would only drive more people away from voting versus actually keeping the integrity of the election process.  I mean really, just stop and think about the facts:




  • In the last general election 66% of the population came out to vote.  
  • In 2013, 67.3% of the adult population of Kansas went to the dentist. (America’s Health Rankings)


Let that sink in for a moment.  MORE people went to the dentist last year than came out to vote in the last election.  We all know the jokes about hating going to dentists.  Heck, I hate going to the dentist – no offense to any dentist reading this, however, it is pretty telling how hard it is to get people to vote in an election when going to the dentists wins by percentages.


I know…I know…there is a crazy rumor floating around that I switched parties from a Democrat to a Republican in order to stop some of the…how shall I put it…more radical legislation coming out of Topeka.  I will own it.  I did change parties, BUT I am just one Kansan.  HB2210 didn’t stop me. I did it early, because I know that a moderate has a tough race in my district without any solid Democratic candidate and I want the moderate to win.  


If your point is to stop people like me from doing it once the candidates are announced, it’s a long shot at best.  I also think we can both agree that we shouldn’t be putting any stipulations around getting people to the polls.  At this point, any Kansan who wants to come out to the polls should personally get a high-five from you Governor after they leave the polling booth just for showing up.  



The point is we want to engage more voters with good candidates running on strong platforms not isolate those who choose to vote by forcing them to declare a party before they even know who the candidates are.  You can’t tell me that there aren’t going to be some people who just throw up their hands and decide not to participate in the election if they are forced to declare a party so early.


You and I would both love to think that the election process is as clean and pure as the driven snow; however, strategic voting tactics have gone on ever since pro-slavery Missouri, border ruffians invaded Kansas in an attempt to make Kansas a slave state.


If the point of the bill is to stop shady campaign tactics, I call on the KS legislature to come up with a bill to stop negative campaign ads.  You know the ads that run constantly during campaign season.  These ads are usually pretty soft on facts and high on fear tactics.  I think a bill like that would have Kansans singing “hallelujah” instead of HB2210.


So let’s just forget about my motives for changing parties and know that at least I’m INVOLVED in the political processes in Kansas.  Keep more Kansans involved by vetoing this bill.  Now I’ve got to run and call my dentist for a teeth cleaning.  Turns out – I’m overdue.


Yours in participating in the political process,



Cheesus Christ say it ain’t so…a Velveeta cheese shortage!

cheeseIf your can of Rotel in your cabinet is lonely, you better tell the spicy tomatoes to get used to it.  Kraft just acknowledged there is a Velveeta cheese shortage.

“Any issues with availability are much more noticeable given the seasonal demand,” from the Kraft statement.

The shortage couldn’t come at a worse time with the Super Bowl right around the corner.  This announcement has football fans reeling on what to dip their chips into.  It also has Americans thinking about a bigger problem – surviving a nuclear attack.

“Not having Rotel cheese dip for the Super Bowl is one thing, but we have always counted on Velveeta to help us survive a nuclear holocaust.  I mean the cheese doesn’t even have to be refrigerated.  Along with Twinkies, it’s America’s go to food for a man-made disaster,” said every American.

The Republicans were quick to blame the shortage on Obamacare.  “People are depressed with the new health care roll-out.  When people are depressed they eat.  We know that Americans have turned to Velveeta to help them drown their sorrows with the new health care roll-out. Nothing makes Americans feel better than cheese dip and tortilla chips,” said a Republican strategist.

Democrats were quick to counter focusing the blame on the Republicans.  “Unemployment benefits are running out.  Americans are turning to cheap staples just to help them survive.  Velveeta cheese is a fallback food that is cheap and delicious.  I mean have you had macaroni and cheese made with Velveeta?  It only makes sense that there would be a shortage.  We need to focus on the Republicans to fix this problem,” said a popular Democratic figure.

We can only expect Kraft to respond like any smart American company and drive up prices to profit on the shortage.  Forget better forecasting on demand, just inflate the prices and see just how much Americans are willing to pay for our artificial cheese.

This writer is prepared to pay a pretty penny to be sure that I have hot, gooey Rotel dip to go with my Super Bowl party.  Name the price Kraft…just name your price.

My best and worst list for the craptastic year of 2013

It’s the day after Christmas and we are slowly inching towards the end of 2013.  Thank God!  2013 was a craptastic year for me.  I’m not superstitious, but I am one of those people who favors even years over odd years.  For example, my daughter was born in 2006.  I was born in 19 (cough, cough) 72.  I know there have been oodles of other things that have happened during even years to support my theory, but I can’t  think of them.  This year totally sucked for me and I can’t wait to get rid of it.

Quick side note….way to go Conservatives on winning that War on Christmas.  I mean it was Christmas all day yesterday.  My gut feeling is that you will win the war on Christmas every year, but we will have to wait and see what next year brings.

Back to my is my list of the Best and Worst of 2013 (I’m only posting 10 instead of an unlucky 13)

10.  The government shutdown…that was the wackiest display of politics I’ve seen in a long, long time.  Let’s shut the government down to prove a point about a bill that was already funded and moving forward.  I may not agree with conservative politics, but I almost always get where they are coming from. This one takes the cake for one of the  biggest bone head move from Washington this year.

9.  Not far behind the shut down is the Obamacare roll out.  I am one of the biggest supporters of Obamacare, but even I had problems defending the roll out.  You really didn’t know that when you rolled this bad boy out that million of people would hit the website and crash it?  Really?

8.  The blinged out crosses on E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  Walk into any retailer right now and it looks like a Roman cathedral threw up in there.  Don’t get me wrong, I love bling, but I’m afraid to buy clothing right now for fear that I am going to become a walking Christian billboard.  Is it a cross or just a pattern?  Sometimes it’s hard to even tell.  We get it are Christian.  What ever happened to a nice, cross necklace?  Nothing says being happy with what God gave ya  like a blinged out cross shirt covering two fake boobs.

7.  Gay marriage – two thumbs up for gay marriage this year.  Nothing, I repeat, nothing was better than the outrage over Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty happening AT THE SAME TIME that Utah was passing gay marriage.  Be outraged all you want conservatives, that train has left the station.  You may not like it, but you will definitely have to get used to it.

6.  Mass shootings – there are too many to list here.  Here is what I realized…we are getting mass shooting fatigue.  I think our new (and horribly sad) threshold is now 2 plus casualties.  There were some shootings that happened that only made my local news after weather, sports and cute animal stories.  It was like there weren’t enough casualties.  That leads me to #5….

5.  The pro-gun lobby.  As much as I HATE this movement, you guys are winning this one.  With all the mass shootings it seems like there are MORE guns.  This movement has perfectly captured the element of fear in most Americans and has even grannies running to the stores to arm themselves.

4.  Anthony Weiner’s weiner….New York politics doesn’t impact me one bit, but I was fascinated by Anthony Weiner.  This story had such a Netflixesque, double whammy of sex and politics.   It was the best case of the ego that was totally absent from reality.  Have we finally heard I mean seen the last from him???

3.  Miley’s twerking.  Loved this story.  Miley twerks and people who grew up with Madonna are outraged.

2. Kim and Kanye’s baby.  The most self-absorbed woman had a child.  We even got to see what the conception must have been like in Kanye’s terrible video.  Notice she hasn’t been seen smiling in a pic ever since the birth? Or has it been ever since she went blonde?  I can’t remember…

1.  The Boston bombings.  Such a horrible story and it continues to remind America that terrorism no longer happens “over there.”

Thanks for reading.  I wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year!




#GOP turns entire government into an entitlement program

On this busy Sat. I think I’ll catch you up on what’s been going on with Congress. There has been one vote that every member actually agrees on.
Hello? Wake up…Sorry you fainted.

That’s right. I said one vote that they all agree on.

They voted to provide backpay to all government employees. Do I think they deserve it? Yes, however, there is one glaring fact the party who is against entitlement programs just turned the ENTIRE United States government into a massive entitlement program. Everyone gets paid for doing NOTHING.

Can taxpayers who are paying for this big extended vacay get a t-shirt out of this? How about one that says, “Government employees got to take an awesome vacation and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

Let’s see how this whole genius idea has played out for the GOP:

1. Disagree with Obamacare so shut down the government.
2. Obamacare opens anyway.
3. Complain that Democrats and Obama won’t negotiate. (GOP – see #2)
4. Vote to pay the workers you shut down in the first place.

As you continue to put the fun back in dysfunction in our US government, the debt ceiling is fast approaching. The questions remaining are:

1. How bad will DC stink since the trash isn’t being taken out at national parks?
2. Will soccer moms start bathing their kids in anti-bacterial hand wash since no one is monitoring the flu?
3. Will you boys manage to dismantle the entire world economy by having the US default on the debt ceiling?

And these are the days of our screwed up American lives.

State of the Union and GOP Rebuttal – Game On!

The State of the Union is this week.  For those of us who love politics, it’s our Super Bowl, our World Series, our Olympics.  Ok, you get my point.  It’s a big freaking deal.  Obama is probably already practicing with his teleprompter and I’m getting ready as well.

How do I get ready for the State of the Union?

There is a lot to do.

  • Will I eat popcorn or ice cream during the speech?
  • The drinking game that I play has a special word that when said, requires everyone to drink. Is the word going to be…fiscal cliff, semi-automatic weapons, budget crisis?
  • I’ve got to get my bet in on the color of Obama’s tie.  I pick red this year.

This is all serious stuff for a serious political analyst like me.  Then I get comfy in my favorite jammies and the games begin.  How many standing ovations will there be?  Will anyone on the GOP side get caught rolling their eyes?  Can I name that politician before the commentator names him/her?  Can I watch the entire speech without my ADD kicking in and I start changing channels to Honey Boo Boo or My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding?

After the big speech there is the rebuttal.  The rebuttal from the other party is the most memorable part of the State of the Union.  Think back through the years and all of the rebuttals.  For every State of the Union, there is a rebuttal.  Whether it is a Democrat or Republican as President, the other side always has a chance to make their points.

Remember, during the Clinton era there was the rebuttal by….oh it slips my mind right now, but I know it was great.

Then during Bush’s Presidency there was that one year that what’s his name did the rebuttal.  Oh I’m sure it will come to me in a second.  That was such a great speech.  I’m sure his name and that speech will come to me in a second.

Oh think about Bush senior’s time, there was….oh never mind.  The point is all of these rebuttals regardless of side make a memorial impression on the American people.  Picking the right person to give the rebuttal is key.

This is my take on how the GOP picked Marco Rubio to give this year’s rebuttal.



So Reince Priebus, the head of the RNC, pulls out his Rolodex.  Gen Y – Google “Rolodex”.  Waiting…waiting…filing my nails…waiting..

Ok, we’re back.


So he pulls out his Rolodex to find names of who could give this year’s rebuttal.


We all know that the GOP has an image problem.  So Mr. Priebus needs to find someone who doesn’t meet that criteria.

First, no one 65 and older.  The person giving the rebuttal can’t be on Medicare since GOP is pitching a fit over Obamacare.  That cuts the Rolodex more than in half.  Oh who are we kidding, more than three-fourths.

Next step, no males or to be more specific, no white males.

Now the GOP is down to about 5 politicians to choose from that fit the criteria.


After a quick game of iney, meaney, miney, moe – they decide on Marco Rubio.  Hey that rhymes.  Not intentional – that was funny.

Since all of the previous rebuttals in the past 50 years, oh hell, in the past 100 years have been so memorable, I have some advice for Marco.  When it’s your turn, grab a mic and say,

“You know what he said?  We think the opposite.  Peace Out.” Drop the mic and walk away.

I dare you.  I’ll be watching, that is unless there is a compelling Honey Boo Boo.

Game on Washington!






A bi-partisan issue that needs immediate attention RT #WoW to show support!

Dear Democrats and Republicans,

I am declaring it. Right now, right here, let the history books show that I have officially declared our next war.

I am declaring war on the war on.

The shorter versions is war on war or for twitter #WoW – pretty cool that one worked out.

So why the #WoW?

Democrats you are guilty. Republicans, you are also guilty. We are all guilty of “declaring war” on every issue and everyone these days.

It started back when everything was a “gate’.

  • Climategate – Thanks Gore
  • Nipplegate – remember when Janet Jackson’s boobie popped out at the Superbowl.
  • Memogate – Bush’s forged memos to get him out of war.
  • Watergate – oh wait, that’s the actual place where a scandal ended up happening. This one doesn’t count.
  • Fajitagate – yes, fajita gate – probably the lesser known of the “gates” in 2002 in San Fran two police officers allegedly assaulted 2 civilians over what they thought were drugs – turns out it was a bag of steak for fajitas.

The list is really endless. “Gate” became synonymous with scandal. I get that – Watergate was a huge political scandal. It makes sense.

Here is what doesn’t make sense – everyone declaring “War” on political issues.

  • War on Christmas – That was me – sorry, my bad.
  • War on Women
  • War on Guns
  • War on Christianity
  • War on Poverty
  • War on Drugs – oh wait…this one may very well be a war.
  • War on Traditional Marriage
  • War on Homosexual Marriage
  • War on Gays in the Military

war-on-drugsI could go on and on. I understand that it’s a way to get the emotions boiling in people. It seemed to work in the last election and against the GOP – War on Women anyone?

Since we are all so concerned about the mental health and well-being of our citizens and all of the mass shootings that have taken place – I think a perfect place to start chilling out this society is by declaring less “War on (insert issue)”.

Maybe it’s not the guns or the video games that are killing people – maybe it’s all of these philosophical, political and ethical “wars”.

Simmer down folks! Let’s all go to our collective happy places.

How about we look at some gentler language we can use when we declare the next “war”.

  • Slight skirmish on women
  • A duel on poverty
  • A ground assault on climate change
  • A flyover on traditional marriage
  • A tongue lashing on homosexuality – sorry…that was too easy.

If we are ever going to have a stop to all of this bipartisan bickering – let’s put to death the term “war on”. Let’s stomp it out, beat it into submission, light it on fire until it is nothing but ashes..o.k. you probably get my point.

Democrats and Republicans – reach across the aisle and declare a #WoW. If you are with me, tweet a #WoW! Together we can make a difference for getting this society to chill the hell out.

Yours in peace,


p.s. – I know me so I am prepared to eat crow on this one by next week.


#GOP If we r going to fall off a cliff, better have #PlanB!

We all know that the clock is ticking before our nation goes plunging off of the fiscal cliff.

The Democrats and Republicans are tied up in Washington as we speak negotiating to get us out of this financial mess.

It’s like a dance of political intimacy between the two parties….

When two political parties are this intense in negotiations and the communication intimacy is turned up to such a red, hot level, it is always good to come prepared with a back-up plan.

Thank goodness John Boehner has introduced Plan B just in time to prevent us falling off of the fiscal cliff and stop our nation from becoming impregnated with unnecessary debt.

The question is, can Boehner get Obama to take the Plan B in the required time frame before the Plan B becomes ineffective?

The White House doesn’t think that level of protection is going to be enough:

White House spokesman Jay Carney later released a statement panning Plan B, saying that the sides should keep negotiating and that Plan B idea would not meet Obama’s top priority of protecting middle-income earners.

“The Speaker’s ‘Plan B’ approach doesn’t meet this test because it can’t pass the Senate and therefore will not protect middle class families, and does little to address our fiscal challenges with zero spending cuts,” Carney said.

Maybe the White House is looking for protection that is a little more permanent, like a sterilization to the national problem?

Wait just a minute…are we talking about the same Plan B?

The Plan B I’m talking about is this:

Plan B One-Step® (levonorgestrel) is intended to prevent pregnancy after known or suspected contraceptive failure or unprotected intercourse.

Surely Boehner’s staff wouldn’t have let him name his financial rescue plan after the same type of contraception that his party has been trying to outlaw?  Let’s just call this a weird coincidence.

Either way, I think the Doogie Howser lesson here is you may not think you need it, but it is always nice to know Plan B is there when you do.

A New Diet Called The GOP

Diet Update – Add Dennys and Jimmy Johns to the GOP Diet Plan

I don’t know about you, but I am not happy about my weight.  It seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day to cook the healthy balanced meals for my family that I want.  Not to mention the cost of fresh fruit and vegetables just keeps going up.  Like most Americans, I often rely on fast food or convenience chain-restaurants to feed my family.  What’s the result?  Ever increasing clothing sizes, less energy and sluggish health.

Now it’s time for a change.

That’s why I’m putting my family on the new diet – The GOP Diet!

The G.O.P. Diet stands for Get Off (the) Pounds.

It’s the latest thing to come out of Washington.  It’s so easy to follow.  Just follow the conservative outrage.  Just a few easy steps and you will find the pounds simply melting away.

Firs step is simply watch the news.  Yes, that’s right.  Sit yourself down in front of the TV or computer and just watch the headlines.  It seems that every day a CEO of a major restaurant chain is coming out with an outrageous statement regarding Obamacare or some “liberal agenda”.

Take for example the CEO of Papa John’s pizza chain.  He is threatening to lay off employees instead of cover their health insurance when Obamacare kicks in.

From now on, I don’t eat any more Papa John’s pizza.  Think of all the calories I’ll save and all the pounds I’ll lose!  It’s that easy.  No tricky diets to follow or complicated meal plans.  Papa John’s CEO lives in his mega mansion, but refuses to cover health care for his employees and I save hundreds of calories by not eating his pizza.

Zane Tankel, owner of over 40 franchize Applebee’s also has said he won’t hire, because of Obamacare.

Hey Zane, here is a win-win.  Calm down Zane (love the name BTW), because I’m not eating at your establishment anymore.  The win in all this, is I’ll end up looking fabulous by not doing so!  We all know your menu is calorie heavy, the stuff I end up ordering anyway – wings, spin dip and mozz sticks.  No more for me!  It’s so simple people.  Join me and we will all end up dropping our BMI’s in the process.

Chick-fil-A – don’t like gay marriage?  It’s on the GOP diet plan.  No more Chick-fil-A for me!

The only exercise required on the GOP diet plan is the occasional protest outside of a Chick-fil-A for marriage equality.   The complete diet plan is always changing so you never get bored.  It changes daily and will guarantee to be added to as more greedy CEOs come out claiming their “bottom-line” will be severely affected by Obamacare.  Their message will probably come from their multi-million dollar mansions as they Skype this message in from their private putting green.

The plan is so simple – follow the conservative outrage and the pounds simply melt away!

I’ll update the new diet as we hear more.  In the meantime, to follow the GOP diet, remember, no Papa John’s pizza, no Applebee’s from Zane’s franchises and no Chick-fil-A.

Here’s to a skinnier Democratic Party!

Pro-Life Candidates Get Biggest Message From Campaign

So it’s over.  50% of the country is celebrating and the other 50% is trying to figure out what the hell happened.  Let the campaign analysis begin.  Mittens lost.  Did Obama out campaign him?  Did his own party blow it for him?  Was it Sandy’s fault?  Christie’s fault?  The flag pin’s fault?  My fault?  Mitt was so close.  He was never close really.  I guess it depends who you ask and who you want to believe.

The one thing we can all agree on as a nation is the whole campaign system is broken. The good news is it goes well with our broken economy.  Kinda like the shoes matching the belt.   The reality is it isn’t changing anytime soon.  So here is my big take-away from this whole thing.

A very strong and direct message was sent to the Pro-Life Movement yesterday.  Now that this election is over, I feel like I can lay it all out here.  See, we all know what Akin said.   I think he never really believed that the female body had a way of “shutting the whole thing down” when it came to pregnancy.  I believe extreme Pro-Life candidates like Aiken who said OUTRAGEOUS things about women’s reproductive systems were really saying, “I am pro-life in all cases even rape and incest.”  They just didn’t have the real guts to lay it out so concretely.

Instead of just saying that, they knew that it would be highly unpopular with moderate Americans.  So they started tap dancing to try to cover-up these extreme views.  In fact, there was more tap dancing around this than the talent portion of the Miss Glitter Pageant of Toddlers and Tiaras.  The more they danced the worse it got.  By that time you had statements like Akin’s and Mourdock’s who had just justify pregnancy somehow so they blamed God or excuse me, said pregnancy from rape was what “God intended”.

What once was a movement that seemed unstoppable, the Pro-Life movement, suddenly came to an abrupt stop or at the very least hit an enormous speed bump.  It wasn’t that people reacted to how stupid these statements were and didn’t vote for these candidates.  That conclusion is far too simplistic. I believe there was also a reaction to the intent of the statement – the statement being abortion in all circumstances, even in times of incest and rape was unacceptable.  The American people stopped this type of candidate.  To be perfectly clear, I’m not saying the American people all became pro-choice and everyone now has a Planned Parenthood bumper sticker on their car, but they certainly sent a strong message that pro-life in all circumstances regardless of how the pregnancy occurred did not appeal to them.

As I sit in KS, or as Fox News abbreviated it last night – KA – the hub of Pro-Life extremism, I sit satisfied that what used to be the unstoppable Pro-Life movement finally received a strong message from their own party.  There are limits.  The American voter has limits.  Abortion in all circumstances is not something the American people ultimately believe in.  Abortion in times of rape and incest and in times when the mother’s life is at risk is something the American people find acceptable.  Akin’s loss was more about his intention behind his stupid statement and not just based on his statement alone.

Time will tell if the GOP will take this message to heart and really try to change things before 2016.  I have some ideas about changing the whole campaign  system.  For example – the primaries?  That process sucks if you are the running against an incumbent.  Lengthening the presidential term.  Four years isn’t enough.  Look at how long FDR had to get us out of the Great Depression.    Don’t get me started on the Electoral College.   Somebody in charge of this stuff give me a ring if you want some ideas.

In the meantime, the campaign is over….now what?  Ping-pong anyone?

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