7 Stages of Voter Grief

It’s the day before the election.  I am like most Americans – Republicans and Democrats and even those rare few who are “undecided”.  I’m gearing up to vote tomorrow and then sit and anxiously watch the returns come in.  Today I am going through a wide range of emotion on the last day of this crazy campaign cycle.  I’m calling it – the 7 stages of voter grief.  See if you can relate:

Stage 1 – Shock and Denial

Tomorrow it’s all over?  It can’t be all over!  What will I do with all my free time?  Maybe I’ll take up a new hobby like knitting or extreme couponing?  It can’t really be all over.   Surely this can’t be it.  There will probably be an extension anyway.  Hello, can anyone say hanging chads?

Stage 2 – Pain and Guilt

What if Obama doesn’t win?  What kind of country will I be leaving to my children and grandchildren?  I’m on an emotional cliff right now, because this country is hanging on a fiscal cliff.  The point is we are all on some sort of cliff.  This according to the 1.5 million emails I have received this election cycle.  Everyone  tells me it’s urgent and it’s up to me to vote their way make the death spiral it stop.  It’s all resting on my shoulders.  The fate of the nation is all on my shoulders people.  If the country spirals out of control tomorrow, it is my fault, because they told me so.  Somebody pass the antidepressants.

Stage 3 – Anger and Bargaining

Who the hell are you guys to put all of this on my shoulders anyway?  If it wasn’t for you politicians always placing blame on each other maybe we could get something done in Washington.  If Washington wasn’t just one campaign cycle after another maybe this country could actually move forward instead of always playing politics as usual.  You career politicians can suck it.  I just may not vote so there!

Stage 4 – Depression, Loneliness and Reflection

What difference does it make?  Will my vote even count tomorrow?

Stage 5 – The upward turn

Yes, my vote counts!  Every vote counts.  That is what makes America great!

Stage 6 – Reconstruction and working through

I believe that not only does my vote count, but I am part of the solution.  As JFK said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!”

Stage 7 – Acceptance and Hope

I will vote tomorrow!  I will vote and I will believe in hope and change (again).

About these ads

My weekly list: hybrids, eyebrow waxing, Pro-Life and Julia Roberts

So I’m sitting in a coffee shop writing my blog. This is a first. I feel so cool just by association.  I’m really just killing time waiting to meet some friends for dinner.  Of the six people in here on a Friday night, I could have birthed about 4 of them.  This is just fueling my fire and now Adele just started to play.

Perfect time to get a few things off my chest.  When I was thinking about what to write, there were too many things swimming through my brain to limit it to just one subject so I thought I would compile a Friday list of things.  Strap in..it’s going to be a wild and random ride:

1.  My liberalmobile lied to me.  A few months back I gave up my gas munching SUV for an environmentally friendly hybrid.  My sky-blue baby even has a little earth on the dashboard that lights up with an ivy halo when I reach peak environmentally friendliness.  You can only drive one of these if you are a card-carrying member of the Democratic party.  Now I find out that Hyundai lied to me about gas mileage.  It was an “oversight” said Hyundai.  Sure – if I forget to pay my car payment this month, I’ll blame it on an “oversight”.  Now, Republicans tell me again how government oversight is a horrible thing for businesses?  Turns out I will be getting a refund for false advertising.  Damn those government regulations.  Those bad, bad government regulations that keep businesses honest by making them actually tell consumers the truth.

2.  This little study that came out earlier this month that studied if women were given FREE birth control – that means access to any birth control, including IUDs and implants what would happen.  Turns out the abortion rate GOES DOWN.  Did you read that – the ABORTION RATE GOES DOWN.  My blood pressure continues to escalate when I try to figure out how people can be pro-life and anti-obamacare.  I absolutely, positively don’t get this one.  Check out this incredibly cool video below.  I hope people watch this before Tuesday and vote these radical, pro-life extremists OUT of office.  They just don’t make any sense!

3.  This is a random one, but one that the ladies out there will understand.  I have been getting my eyebrows waxed since I was 14 years old.  Yes, 14 years old.  These days, eyebrow waxing for preteens is something we only see on Toddlers and Tiaras.  We are outraged when we see it now, but remember, this was the 80s when seat belts were just becoming mandatory and cold medicine for kids was given in mass quantities, sometimes even just to put Jr. to sleep.  Anyway, my mom told me at the time that the more years I had it done the less it would hurt.  That’s right – the more years I had it done, the less it would hurt.  It has been 26 years later and it still hurts like hell.  She lied.  I”m still working through this.  It never gets any easier.  As much as I love my mom, I’ll admit I’m still kinda pissed.

4.  This election is almost over.  If I’m getting tired of it and I’m a political addict, you know it’s been bad.  I’m already looking for things to fill my time after Tuesday.  I’ve decided to go on a spiritual journey.  That means I’m getting ready to join a synagogue.  I’m thinking my spiritual journey will be like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love.  I’ve never seen the movie, but I fantasize that my journey will take me to far away places where I will meditate with Russel Brand, eat gourmet meals with Gwyneth Paltrow and pray with people like Madonna.  The realistic journey is I will get my tush down to the local synagogue and pray.  This should be interesting.  More to come with this one.  It definitely can’t hurt and if anything may help me to be a little more pleasant and possibly a little less eccentric.  God, I hope you are listening to this.  Get ready.

Have a great weekend.  Remember to vote.  Please vote for Obama, but if you must vote for Romney – we can still be friends.  Just vote.  One thing is for sure, Tuesday night I will either be cheering or sobbing, but the world will keep on turning.  Wednesday will still come far too early and we will get up and get on with our lives putting one foot in front of the other.  America will survive and the same issues will be debated for generations to come.

Romney promises Honey Boo Boo and her family cabinet positions if elected president

In an effort to put some life back into his campaign, Romney made a drastic move this week.

“We are excited to announce that Honey Boo Boo and her entire family will be joining the Romney administration once I am elected President.”

After realizing that the American people were more interested in watching Honey Boo Boo and her family, Mama, Dad, “Sugar Bear”, sisters, “Pumpkin” and “Chubbs”  and 17 year old new mom “Chickadee”, Romney realized that this family might be just the thing to make him and his campaign seem more in touch with the American people.

“The Romney camp is still evaluating what cabinet position the family will hold, but one thing is certain, they will have a place in a Romney administration.  The message that this family needed a spot in the Romney administration when Paul Ryan spoke at the RNC and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo received better ratings than Paul Ryan’s speech that the American people really connected with that family.”  Romney spokes person said.

“The Republicans are a party of inclusion.  We are demonstrating this by promising a place in our administration for Honey Boo Boo and her family as part of our administration.”

The Romney camp has laid out some possible positions that Honey Boo Boo and her family may hold once Romney is elected in the Fall.

The National Healthcare Initiative to Reduce Obesity

My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12-15 times a day you can lose a little weight, so I think I’ll lose a lot of weight because I’m going to fart a lot. – Chubbs on dieting.

“First Lady Michelle Obama ran her initiative with more exercising and eating right.  Our initiative will be slightly different.  Farting is something everyone does and can be done with little or no effort.  A national initiative to increase farting can be done with so little effort and almost no increase in government spending.  It’s the falls right in line with the Republican platform.”  Romney adviser

Department of Health and Human Services, specifically the National Initiative to Reduce Teenage Pregnancy

It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit and it opens up. – Mama explaining a nickname for her private part Mama teaches sex ed: “All that boy wants is to get in your little biscuit, get a little piece, and he’s running.”  Mama explains teen pregnancy: “You do the do, you do the time.”

With Republicans wanting to cut Title X, the national family planning program and shut down all of the Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide, Republicans feel like this type of Sex Education will do the trick to stop all teenage pregnancy.  The reference to female body parts and breakfast food is just what young people need to understand female anatomy.  Also the clear explanation of “do the do” simplifies the act of sexual intercourse and the Replications feel like a national initiative can easily be launched with a clear understanding of what “do the do” is to stop all young people from ever considering having sex before marriage.

“It’s brilliant and we can’t wait to roll-out this this national initiative and finally rid ourselves of any pre-marriage procreation.” said an anonymous Republican insider.

Another option being considered is a place on the President’s Economic Advisory Counsel.  Honey Boo Boo has been quoted as saying, “A dollar makes me hollar.” 

“This is just the type of mentality we need on our economic advisory counsel.” Mitt Romney

The Republicans hope the inclusion of Honey Boo Boo and her family will provide the Romney campaign with a bump that it needs to help elect him in November.

Todd Akin and women’s breasts..milk that is!

The politicians are after me for campaign contributions. Email after email.  Tweet after tweet.  Just $3.00 is all they need and it will be victory in November.   Obama has been after me for a while for my $3.00.  The latest…Todd Akin also for $3.00.  I feel like John Cusack or Lane from Better off Dead when the paperboy comes after him for $2.00.

 

Ah…inflation.  If this movie was made in 2012, it would be $3.00 for the paper!

Todd Akin, you need a bit more than my $3.00 to win in November.

The Republicans all talk about signs from God.  God told Rick Perry to run for President.  Michele Bauchmann said Isaac is a spiritual sign from God.

“We’re quite literally looking at a hurricane here in Florida,” she told a Tampa rally ahead of the Republican National Convention. “We’re looking at a political hurricane in this country. We are looking at a spiritual hurricane in our land. And it is time for each one of us to show up and suit up and stand up and realize that in this time and in this day we pour it out for Him,” CNN

I also believe in God and I believe we, the American people, have been given a gift from God.  Todd Akin, you sir our the Democrats gift from God.  It wasn’t enough for you to go on record trying to justify some types of rapes as “legitimate” that caused our nation to erupt into a firestorm the likes of which almost caused the Republicans to crumble into the fetal position.

The latest is this from Todd Akin in an interview with the Daily Currant, “female breastmilk – when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks – has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions.”

This is why I believe you are a gift from God.  You are staying in the race against Clare McCaskill.  You are embarrassing the Republican party in a critical time in the election cycle.  This is my sign from God.  The Republicans moved so far to the right on their platform.  They continue to alienate the moderates.  There is terrible infighting in the Republican party.  Now, we have been given Todd Akin.  Isaac isn’t the only one overshadowing the Republican convention.

My message to God:

God,

Thank you for your gift of Todd Akin.  We, Democrats, will use it wisely.  We will remind the American people that we are the party of inclusion.  The Democrats will remind people that you are welcome to worship as you choose.  All faiths are welcome in the Democratic party.  Heterosexuality and homosexuality are both welcome by the Democrats.  Judgement is reserved only for you God. Breast milk is a wonderful thing, but should only be used to nourish babies.  For that we thank you God.  We, the Democrats, also appreciate your gift of knowledge and science.  Please God, keep Todd Akin in the race.  I promise to send him my $3.00 today God.  I only do so to support comedy.  Thank you for the gift of laughter and Todd Akin!  Oh and a quick thank you for Michele Bachmann as well.

Amen,

Aimee

What do you think readers?  Do you think Todd Akin is a gift from God?

 

If the N word is “cute” one can only wonder what is considered hilarious

Racism against President Obama has gone viral.  There has been a bumper sticker featured that shows Obama’s brand with a slash through it and it reads “Don’t Re-Nig 2012″.  Sure enough, this little gem comes from Paula Smith and her company “Stickatude”.  I read an interview with Paula featured in Forbes.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/rogerfriedman/2012/03/17/exclusive-seller-of-controversial-anti-obama-sticker-says-its-not-racist/

First, I couldn’t believe the interview is running in Forbes.  In Touch I could see, even People, but I have a hard time believing that Paula even knows what Forbes is, let alone that she agreed to an exclusive interview.  Anyway, Ms. Smith doesn’t believe the N word even means black person, but instead says this,  “According to the dictionary [the N word] does not mean black. It means a low down, lazy, sorry, low down person. That’s what the N word means.”

Earth to Ms. Smith, either you need a quick history lesson or you are living in a wonderful world of denial.   Now I am well aware that world of denial usually involves some home brew narcotic and that’s why I have to show ID every time I need a decongestant at my local drug store.

Ms. Smith goes on to say, ““I do find it amazing and entertaining that one of our stickers has become a racist thing,” Isn’t that just the funniest thing Ms. Smith that a bumper sticker with the word nigger in it would go on to become a “racist thing”.  How on earth do you think that would happen?  Maybe because it has one of the most offensive words ever used to describe a race of people?  Could that have something to do with it?  I can’t wait to read the stickers about the Holocaust.  That should be hilarious.

Now I didn’t want to judge a book by the cover, so I needed to do some investigative research.  I went to Stickatude to find out more about the products Ms. Smith sells.  In case you fellow racists were wondering, the “Don’t Re-Nig” sticker is sold out.  I’m sure your local KKK chapter has other racist items that they would be happy to sell you.  If you can’t wait, here are some other gems for purchase off of Stickatude:

“Lift your truck, Fat chicks can’t climb”.  Just a little observation, how would the driver of truck get in it?  Usually the driver has not missed a super sized meal. Hum..I’m going to have to think about this one.

“Jesus Loves You, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”  This one will be wonderful sitting outside of your rural church on Sundays.

“Shock me and say something intelligent”  Probably someone with this on their vehicle has a pretty low shock standard.

On to the “political” section.  There is a disclaimer at the top where Ms. Smith says she is neither democrat or republican, but an American.  She is anti-Obama and pro-gun (shocker) and all for supporting our troops.

“Let men marry men, and women marry women.  In three generations there won’t be any democrats.” A racist and homophobic.  Awesome combination Ms. Smith although not surprising I must add.

“Somewhere in Kenya a village lost its idiot” Obama is not from Kenya so this one doesn’t even make sense.  I believe the idiot is you Ms. Smith

“God, Guns and Guts Made America.  Let’s Keep All Three.”

This last one leads me to the most interesting tab on this website…”Christian Stickas”

Ms. Smith goes from her racist, homophobic stickers to her stickers that call people fat and stupid and then she has a tab devoted to the lord, Jesus Christ.

“America Needs a Faith Lift”  Yes, Ms. Smith, please take note.

“God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.”  Couldn’t agree more Ms. Smith.

“Heading the wrong direction, God allows u-turns.” Can I take this little beauty and stick it over your mouth?

I beg you Ms. Smith, please take all the money you will make on your sudden fame and take a sensitivity training.   This might also be a good time to study up on American history.  Know that the word nigger is absolutely not “cute”, it is hurtful and racist.  Whether you like President Obama’s politics or not, he is still our President and he deserves to be treated with respect.  Just because you know a black person that does not make immune from racism.    I’m all for Christianity, even though I’m Jewish, but the good part about Christianity.  I didn’t see a Jew hating bumper sticker, but I probably didn’t look hard enough.  If bumper sticker intelligence is all you have, please read the Christian Sticka tab on your own website and take some of those messages to heart.  It’s the least you can do since you have embarrassed yourself.  I’m not fully sure you even understand that.  Then again who am I…oh that’s right, just a Jewish, heterosexual democrat, fat chick who hates guns, loves Obama and I’ve never played paint ball-so summed up not your “demographic”.  You might want to look that word up in  your dictionary.

 

 

 

Omaha News & World Report

Local, National, & World News; Expert Reviews, Biased Commentary, Raw Polls, & Random Musings

JimmyCsays

At the juncture of journalism and daily life in Kansas City (and sometimes elsewhere)

MediaKC

A blog about Kansas City media, news, social media and more

ndfutravels

Just another WordPress.com site

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

pleasantly eccentric

one woman's thoughts on everything

SOB WIRED

one woman's thoughts on everything

Tony's Kansas City

one woman's thoughts on everything

free2beinamerica

Freedom isn't free

The Independent Political Website ~ Plain & Simple Politics

Trend.Shook.co

Shook. Community powered.

20 Pounds Of Headlines

A Political Blog

The Apollo Ledger

Delphi was a dope smoker.

Book Group of One

Too cranky for the real thing

Cris Molina

Hello friend!

Life V 2.0

At the intersection of feminism, motherhood, and life.

NewsFeed

Breaking news and updates from Time.com. News pictures, video, Twitter trends.

Highest Form of Whit

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence: welcome to the Highest Form of Whit

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,123 other followers

%d bloggers like this: