An open letter to businesses in Kansas and Missouri

Dear Kansas and Missouri business owners,

This letter is to Kansas and Missouri business owners who feel like their religious liberty is being violated by serving gay customers.  HB2453 in Kansas recently died in the state Senate after the House voted to approve the measure.  I understand that the “powers that be” are working on rewriting the bill so we can expect it to make a dreaded comeback soon enough.  Now there is SB913 out of Missouri introduced by Senator Wayne Wallingford.  It basically mirrors the Kansas bill.

Since these bills are taking up oodles of time and wasting tons of taxpayer dollars, I propose a simple solution-write to me if you business objects to serving gays and I will post it on my blog.  We can start a discrimination…I mean anti-gay directory so the public will know where you stand on the issue.  I mean why just keep it between you, your God and the customer you deny service to? Lets make it known so we can avoid any uncomfortable interactions in the future.  The other added benefit of making anti-gay businesses public is those of us who aren’t gay can also decide whether or not we want to do business with you.  I’m sure your concern over your religious intolerance extends to people who support those you are so against.  Let’s have the free market work this whole thing out.

You can just write me your business name and a list of people you don’t want to do business with so we can be sure your religious convictions remain intact.  We don’t have to limit it just to homosexuals since the Bible lists out so many things that are wrong.

Here’s an example of how the directory will work:  Aimee’s Craft Shop  Does not do business with: Gays, women who have had abortions, women who use birth control, people who have cheated on their spouses, liars, people who don’t honor their parents, etc.

Lets take the guesswork out of the entire thing and just put it out there.  Why hide behind politics to do your dirty work?  I know I am against spending my money at businesses who would deny service to homosexuals.  If I need a plumber, I would like to know if they would fix the toilets of gay friends or not.  That might help me make my decision.  The least I can ask is that you let me know who you are.  I’m sure others probably feel the same way I do.

So how about it?  Lets give Topeka and Jefferson City a rest.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Yours in favor of the free market,

Aimee

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Everybody poops and leaves their loaded gun in the stall

I was going to write about the possible government shut down and all the drama in Washington.  Honestly, I’m tired about writing about guns.  Then a story caught my eye that I couldn’t ignore.  Sometimes you are given a gift.  To ignore that gift is down right criminal.  This is one of those times.

Here’s the 411 -

Last week, Legislative Assistant Dave Evans was packing heat in the Missouri Capitol. (To answer your question, yes it’s legal to carry a gun in the Capitol of Missouri.)  Sure enough, nature called and Mr. Evans had to use the bathroom.  Mr. Evans removed his gun and set it on the toilet paper roll in a men’s stall in the Capitol restroom – like ya do.  Usually I just end up leaving my phone, keys and sometimes even my wallet, but in this case it was Mr. Evans’ LOADED gun.

everybodypoops

So Mr. Evans did his business and left the stall leaving his loaded gun.  When he returned the gun was gone.

Oopsie Daisy!  Turns out, sometime entered the stall and picked up the gun and turned it into lost and found.

Here in the Midwest, people are applying for conceal and carry permits as fast as you can say Obamacare.  I think this calls for some new rules when it comes to carrying guns in public.

I realize that those arm and vest holsters that we all remember from Hill Street Blues aren’t very cool in 2013 so if you insist on wearing the waist holsters here are some new rules based on Mr. Evan’s recent gun oops:

1.  If you need to take your gun out in public so you can be the good guy with a gun protecting us from bad guys with guns, no pooping.  Stay away from the fiber at lunch, because it’s going to be a long day.  If you are guy, peeing is fine – it’s a stand up, one hand deal.  No sitting down on the john all day my friend.  Ladies – you better get used to holding it or invest in a Go Girl to pee standing up.

2.  All I keep hearing about are “responsible gun owners” so if you misplace your loaded gun, you are now classified as an irresponsible gun owner.  This isn’t like misplacing your keys my friends.  What if a child had entered that stall?  I think this should be a one strike and you’re out deal.   I expect that from my child when she has her favorite toy.  if she loses it she doesn’t get another one.  It’s how I teach responsibility for my own child and we are talking about her American Girl Doll.

3.  OK app developers – I have  new challenge we need an app for that!  I have this really cool app called “find my phone” that saves me a ton of time.  When I misplace my iPhone – which is often, I engage my app that sends a signal to my iPhone that plays an annoying noise until I find it.  I suggest we engage those same developers for loaded guns.  We can even name the app after the staffer who left his loaded gun in the bathroom stall.

These are just my suggestions.  I encourage others to contribute their ideas.

To all those gun owners packing heat today, might I suggest something light and bland lunch today.

Urgent: Play MO and KS gun laws- Fact or Fiction

Let’s play a fun game called Kansas and Missouri Proposed Gun Legislation – Fact or Fiction

1.  Coming from the great state of Kansas, we have HB 2199 will have that federal agents that attempt to confiscate guns manufactured in the state of Kansas could be prosecuted and face PRISON time.

2.  A bill proposed in Missouri has anyone representative who votes in favor of gun control legislation could face prison time of up to four years in jail.

3.  A bill in Missouri and Kansas that makes it a requirement that all girls 12 and younger own a shoot ‘em up Barbie and side kick assault weapon Skipper.

Let’s score this bad boy.

1.  Fact and the estimate of this baby to defend it in court $825,000 of Kansas taxpayer cash that we evidently have oodles of in Kansas.

2.  Fact.  Next up in Missouri – bills that would make discussing if Santa is real illegal.  The follow-up to that bill are more bills on the tooth fairy and unicorns.

3.  Fiction.  I had to throw one in to make this game hard.

So thanks to Kansas and Missouri, I’m book ended by cray-cray.

Let’s start with the Kansas law.  Kansas feels that any restrictions on the 2nd amendment will be unconstitutional.  So we are going to threaten imprisonment of federal agents if they decide to enforce them.  They do this by saying that any guns manufactured in the state of Kansas are excluded from any restrictions on the 2nd amendment.

Hang on federal government, I’ve got the response to this one.

Kansas lawmakers – if you decide to pursue this, I will make the executive decision granted to me by my rights as official blog writer of Pleasantly Eccentric to revoke the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.  That means you are on your own when it comes to combating drug crimes and gangs.  Your biggest fears have come true.  Kansas will become even more of a home base for funneling drugs into the US and gangs will own this great land of Oz.  Also, no response from the National Guard – so all that snow that’s coming or possible tornadoes in the spring that may require federal assistance – sorry Charlie.  No more FBI to solve crime.  Also, in the long-shot category, if a foreign enemy decides to strike, hope those Kansas handguns will serve you well.

You are on your own Kansas. Good luck and God bless!

All of this because of the federal government is trying to REGULATE the 2nd amendment?  Not do away with, but regulate.  Again to my point that we REGULATE the 1st amendment all the time.  Never mind that you are ok putting regulations all over the 1st amendment when it comes to abortion that has been found to be a constitutional right…

Not to get off track.

Missouri – don’t think I forgot about you.

Something I would like to suggest is more anti-bullying legislation.

From stopbullying.gov

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Ding! Ding!   If you just change out school aged children and put in Missouri lawmakers, I think we have a match!  I would say that threatening to put someone in prison qualifies as exclusion.  Instead of introducing laws putting lawmakers in jail, might I suggest expanding on the state-wide anti-bullying definition to include state representatives?

Kansas and Missouri – since I basically straddle the state line, could you please go more than a week and not introduce legislation that embarrasses the hell out of me?  Even if you could just avoid making national news where the journalists don’t roll their eyes or sigh heavily when reading the story that would be a huge start.

 

 

 

URGENT Senator Blunt allow me to be blunt about gun control

Senator Blunt from Missouri put out a statement today regarding his support of the 2nd amendment saying he would not support any legislation that would limit Americans access to guns.  http://midwestdemocracy.com/articles/blunt-gun-laws-are-not-going-change-near-future/

I didn’t believe it so I called his Kansas City office.  Turns out, it was true.  Sad, but true.  Stupid and insensitive, but true.

 

I looked up blunt in the dictionary.

blunt: abrupt in address or manner

 

Excuse me Senator Blunt, allow me to be blunt.  Are you fucking kidding me?  When I called the office I asked if that also included assault weapons.  Yep, it includes assault weapons.  For a moment I sat silent on the phone.  I try not to drop the f-bomb much in my posts, but there doesn’t seem to be a better time to insert that obscenity.  The entire nation is grieving this national tragedy and I think you and the Westboro Baptist Church may have tied for the most inappropriate statements to date regarding this horrific incident.

 

The next definition of “blunt” in the dictionary listed this:

Blunt: slow in perception or understanding; obtuse: His isolation has made him blunt about the feelings of others.

 

The best thing I can say right now is that you are living up to your name.

 

Senator Blunt, there is this thing called The Facebook.  I would ask one of your Gen Y staffers to pull that up on that thing called a computer on your desk.  Read some of the posts right now.  Maybe that will give you a better understanding of how the nation feels right now.  Put your NRA friends on hold and tell them you will call them back at a later time.  Better yet, just meet them for a steak and a whiskey later and you guys can laugh about this at the bar.  Right now just pull up Facebook.  There you will see thousands of tributes to the kids who just died.  You will see parents posting about how hard it has been to leave our kids at school.  You will see posts about faith and religion.  There are posts asking for more gun control.  Maybe your Gen Y staff will get crazy and they can introduce you to Twitter.

I know, I may be asking just a little too much.  If anything Senator Blunt, just step outside of your wood-paneled office and speak to people right now.  I bet you would surprised to find that even your gun-totting, conservative loyalists agree that nobody needs an automatic weapon to hunt a deer.

Ah well, who am I to say.  You are the big time Senator and I’m just a lonely blogger reading Facebook posts and tweeting.  Now excuse me for being so blunt.

Yours in frankness,

Aimee

Gingrich and Akin – New BFFs

Looks like the political world has a new Gwenyth and Madonna or Ben and Matt.  The newest couple on the bromance political circuit is none other than Newt Gingrich and Todd Akin.  Akin, we all remember has the struggling senate campaign against Claire McCaskill in Missouri.  Akin quickly lost his running to be voted most likely to succeed when he tried to explain a female’s reproductive system and how it responds to rape.  Gingrich is supporting Akin at fundraisers in MO and trying to dig Akin’s campaign out of the funeral plot it finds itself in.

Since this friendship came out of nowhere, one must assume Akin consulted the Girl’s Life article “How to make new friends by lunch–really.”   http://www.girlslife.com/post/2012/07/19/How-to-make-friends-by-lunchreally.aspx

 

Let’s see what the article says and how Akin and Gingrich measure up-

Tried and True

Don’t be afraid to just introduce yourself to the girl sitting one desk over. Sure, it’s awkward to say, “Hi, my name is __________,” and then let it hang there. So don’t. Introduce yourself, and after she responds with her name, follow up with a question about how long she’s gone to the school or where her locker is this year. And in the awkward event that she just stares at you and doesn’t respond with her name, be prepared just to jump straight into your question. If you ask her something directly, hopefully she won’t be so rude that she won’t respond at all.

Akin:  “Hi my name is Todd.  I’ve managed to alienate 50% of our population with my comments about abortion and rape.  Newt, you’ve been in politics for a long time and we all know you took a cruise during a crucial time in your run for presidency that caused most of your staff to quit.  Can you tell me  how you felt when so many people quit on you like the Republican leadership has quit on me?”

Just like the article says, putting it all out there at first and then following up with a nice question pointing out similarities can create an instant bond.

That Awkward Moment When…

Pay attention to anything out-of-the-ordinary or funny that happens in your first few classes, and comment on it when you run into one of your classmates in the hall later. The best is if you can make a joke out of it, and use that to get the chitchat flowin’. Something like, “So does it usually sound like they’re shouting the morning announcements in your ear, or was the loudspeaker just turned up in honor of the first day?” Be careful with your jokin’, though, and don’t mention any people – you never know who could be creepin’ up behind you and get offended.

Akin to Gingrich, “Isn’t that hilarious how I manage to say something that caused the Republican leadership to go running for the hills?  Those silly Republicans think they can scare me out of the race by pulling all my endorsements and money.  Still I’m somehow managing to get press by staying in the race and really pushing the Republicans buttons.  By not getting out the race, I could easily hand this victory to my opponent, Clare McCaskill.  Hilarious!”  They both fall to the floor in hysterics.

Dish Out the Compliments           

If you heart the pants that your locker neighbor is wearing, tell her. She probably put tons of thought into her BTS outfit just like you did, and she’ll appreciate someone noticing it. You can then ask her where she got them, or move on to a new topic once you’ve gotten her attention. Just be careful not to gush too much – you don’t wanna come off as a spaz. A simple compliment and a smile will go a long way.

Akin to Newt, “I think this wife is by far the best wife.  I know your previous lifestyle of marital infidelities goes against my strong, fundamentalist Christian values, but as long as we keep the gays from marrying, we will let Jesus decide.”

And there you have it.  The Gingrich and Akin friendship is one based in similar experience that will stand the test of time.  I’m sure this friendship will extend far beyond just this political race.

A few key questions, a lot of compliments and similar circumstances of alienation that can keep them laughing for a lifetime of friendship.

 

MO votes on a way to get kids out of doing school work

I know it’s summer school kids, but take a break from Facebooking your BFFs and read this. MO is voting on a way to get you out of doing school work. MO lawmakers must have heard your prayers that there is too much work to do in school so now they have come up with a way to get you out of school work: the MO Right To Pray Constitutional Amendment!

http://www.kansascity.com/2012/07/23/3718390/catholic-bishops-endorse-missouri.html

Quick summary – you can pray in school and get out of any work that conflicts with your religious beliefs.

Now kids, I’m sure you are thinking to yourself, “I thought Freedom of Religion was protected in our First Amendment in our Constitution?”

Ding, Ding! You are correct young person. I guess your MO lawmakers were spending far too much time on things like creating MO jobs, helping the MO economy recover and all those pesky little economic things that they decided to spend their time and your parent’s tax dollars creating a new constitutional amendment for MO guaranteeing your right to pray in school.

Now since you are a smart young person, you probably already know that if you were really needing to chat with the Lord during public school hours a simple quiet reflection is already protected, but that’s besides the point.

I know personally there were many times I prayed before a test. I am not sure how I was able to pull that off before the MO right to pray law, but now you will definitely not be banned from having a little 411 with God during public school time.

Young folks, I’ve left the best part for last – they have included in this law that if you disagree with something in school you can decide not participate and it’s protected by this new amendment! You can just declare the subject and assignment against your religious beliefs!

Say goodbye to Earth Science religious kiddos. No need to study how the earth was created with all that science stuff, now you can exercise your MO constitutional right to sit this one out. Now, I hated Earth Science and Biology. I was forced to sit through these classes as part of my public school education requirements. Don’t do what I was forced to do and declare these subjects to be against your religious beliefs and get a pass right out the door!

Be sure and let your parents know how your MO lawmakers are helping you opt out of things like science. I’m sure they will be so happy that their lawmakers are spending time writing amendments that are already protected by our federal constitution and adding unnecessary opt-outs of public school curriculum. I’m sure you and your parents will be thrilled lawmakers could have been doing things like creating jobs, attracting new business to MO and helping farmers, but instead they are working on awesome amendments like this.

Be sure to tell your parents to call their MO Lawmakers and tell them to vote for the MO right to pray amendment coming up. Your ability to opt out of science depends on it.

Kyle James..Kansas City’s Outrage or Love Affair?

Kansas City has our own political soap opera…and the media is loving it. The star is the young man, Kyle James. Kyle James is the 24 year old son of Mayor Sly James. Sly James is the mayor of Kansas City, MO. Bloggers and talk show hosts can’t get enough of this young man. From what’s I’ve read, Kyle thinks he is a hip-hop star. He beats up women, causes trouble in our bar districts and now has been arrested for disorderly conduct. He is a pain in his father’s political ass. These things can’t be denied. However, I have never in my life seen an overreaction to the level that I have heard and read in the past 24 hours since it became apparent that the Mayor’s ADULT son was arrested sometime last week.

One would think by the outrage displayed on local blogs and talk radio that the Mayor of Kansas City is unable to form a sentence, shake a hand or even read due to his son’s behavior. His son’s juvenile behavior has some believing that Mayor James MUST be unable to lead this city. I mean, if he can’t control his son, how is he suppose to run this city? I have heard that an intervention must be staged on Kyle’s behalf (the assumption is he is a drug addict – I can’t confirm or deny this, nor do I frankly care much). It has been demanded that his mother come out and make a comment on her son’s behavior.

The most hilarious link is that Mayor James can’t possibly control the homicide rate in Kansas City, because of the behavior of his adult son. Excuse me? WTF? Let me say that again…The mayor can’t control homicides in this city because his son is a punk. Think about this. Now, you may have beef with the Mayor for lots of reasons. Whatever your reasons are, this can’t possibly be your reasoning. This makes absolutely NO sense. I can’t reconcile this as a common sense reason. That would be like me saying, my daughter can’t write sentences at 5 therefore I’m not a good mother. Wait, am I not a good mother? Maybe not…my suburban mom insecurity is kicking in.

The more this argument continues, the more I can’t figure out why such passion? I mean there is outrage! I keep hearing things like privilege, no job, rich boy. Is this an elitist thing? Is Kansas City mad because this young adult is a trouble maker and he is rich and connected? What makes him any different than some of the sports stars that have dotted our nightly landscape in this city that have caused trouble and beat up women? He isn’t the first kid in this town to use his connections. So what if the cops are giving this kid a ride home? Aren’t there bigger issues in this town? Is the problem that he can’t throw a football? There are white boys in JoCo doing equally stupid things and we don’t seem to be so preoccupied with their fuck ups. Yes, he is the Mayor’s son. So what? He is over 21.

I read a very popular local blog that is constantly writing about this issue. The comments section is loaded with anonymous comments about this ongoing story. It is almost regularly that this comment is part of the long list: “stupid nigger”. Now, I have my blog and it is in no way as cool or as read as this other person’s local blog. The media doesn’t court me in the same way. I’m not an expert guest on radio talk shows discussing this topic the way this person is. However, my comments are regulated by me. I post people who agree with me and people who don’t. I would never agree to post a comment like “stupid nigger” on my blog. It just can’t be denied that there is an underlying racism that is hidden behind “anonymous” comments. Now is the blogger responsible for comments posted as “anonymous”? No. But does the blogger have to post them? I guess that’s this blogger’s choice.

How much of this is generally racist? I don’t know. Everyone will say it isn’t racist. I just feel like this is intensified because this kid is connected, he is a “gangster want to be” and he is causing trouble, oh and he is also black. Our city just feels the need to be overly involved and definitely feels like we all need an explanation and be in on the intervention (whether or not he actually has a drug problem). Maybe it’s the city that has a problem? Maybe it’s just that this city is one highly dysfunctional family?

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