Pro-Life Candidates Get Biggest Message From Campaign

So it’s over.  50% of the country is celebrating and the other 50% is trying to figure out what the hell happened.  Let the campaign analysis begin.  Mittens lost.  Did Obama out campaign him?  Did his own party blow it for him?  Was it Sandy’s fault?  Christie’s fault?  The flag pin’s fault?  My fault?  Mitt was so close.  He was never close really.  I guess it depends who you ask and who you want to believe.

The one thing we can all agree on as a nation is the whole campaign system is broken. The good news is it goes well with our broken economy.  Kinda like the shoes matching the belt.   The reality is it isn’t changing anytime soon.  So here is my big take-away from this whole thing.

A very strong and direct message was sent to the Pro-Life Movement yesterday.  Now that this election is over, I feel like I can lay it all out here.  See, we all know what Akin said.   I think he never really believed that the female body had a way of “shutting the whole thing down” when it came to pregnancy.  I believe extreme Pro-Life candidates like Aiken who said OUTRAGEOUS things about women’s reproductive systems were really saying, “I am pro-life in all cases even rape and incest.”  They just didn’t have the real guts to lay it out so concretely.

Instead of just saying that, they knew that it would be highly unpopular with moderate Americans.  So they started tap dancing to try to cover-up these extreme views.  In fact, there was more tap dancing around this than the talent portion of the Miss Glitter Pageant of Toddlers and Tiaras.  The more they danced the worse it got.  By that time you had statements like Akin’s and Mourdock’s who had just justify pregnancy somehow so they blamed God or excuse me, said pregnancy from rape was what “God intended”.

What once was a movement that seemed unstoppable, the Pro-Life movement, suddenly came to an abrupt stop or at the very least hit an enormous speed bump.  It wasn’t that people reacted to how stupid these statements were and didn’t vote for these candidates.  That conclusion is far too simplistic. I believe there was also a reaction to the intent of the statement – the statement being abortion in all circumstances, even in times of incest and rape was unacceptable.  The American people stopped this type of candidate.  To be perfectly clear, I’m not saying the American people all became pro-choice and everyone now has a Planned Parenthood bumper sticker on their car, but they certainly sent a strong message that pro-life in all circumstances regardless of how the pregnancy occurred did not appeal to them.

As I sit in KS, or as Fox News abbreviated it last night – KA – the hub of Pro-Life extremism, I sit satisfied that what used to be the unstoppable Pro-Life movement finally received a strong message from their own party.  There are limits.  The American voter has limits.  Abortion in all circumstances is not something the American people ultimately believe in.  Abortion in times of rape and incest and in times when the mother’s life is at risk is something the American people find acceptable.  Akin’s loss was more about his intention behind his stupid statement and not just based on his statement alone.

Time will tell if the GOP will take this message to heart and really try to change things before 2016.  I have some ideas about changing the whole campaign  system.  For example – the primaries?  That process sucks if you are the running against an incumbent.  Lengthening the presidential term.  Four years isn’t enough.  Look at how long FDR had to get us out of the Great Depression.    Don’t get me started on the Electoral College.   Somebody in charge of this stuff give me a ring if you want some ideas.

In the meantime, the campaign is over….now what?  Ping-pong anyone?

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7 Stages of Voter Grief

It’s the day before the election.  I am like most Americans – Republicans and Democrats and even those rare few who are “undecided”.  I’m gearing up to vote tomorrow and then sit and anxiously watch the returns come in.  Today I am going through a wide range of emotion on the last day of this crazy campaign cycle.  I’m calling it – the 7 stages of voter grief.  See if you can relate:

Stage 1 – Shock and Denial

Tomorrow it’s all over?  It can’t be all over!  What will I do with all my free time?  Maybe I’ll take up a new hobby like knitting or extreme couponing?  It can’t really be all over.   Surely this can’t be it.  There will probably be an extension anyway.  Hello, can anyone say hanging chads?

Stage 2 – Pain and Guilt

What if Obama doesn’t win?  What kind of country will I be leaving to my children and grandchildren?  I’m on an emotional cliff right now, because this country is hanging on a fiscal cliff.  The point is we are all on some sort of cliff.  This according to the 1.5 million emails I have received this election cycle.  Everyone  tells me it’s urgent and it’s up to me to vote their way make the death spiral it stop.  It’s all resting on my shoulders.  The fate of the nation is all on my shoulders people.  If the country spirals out of control tomorrow, it is my fault, because they told me so.  Somebody pass the antidepressants.

Stage 3 – Anger and Bargaining

Who the hell are you guys to put all of this on my shoulders anyway?  If it wasn’t for you politicians always placing blame on each other maybe we could get something done in Washington.  If Washington wasn’t just one campaign cycle after another maybe this country could actually move forward instead of always playing politics as usual.  You career politicians can suck it.  I just may not vote so there!

Stage 4 – Depression, Loneliness and Reflection

What difference does it make?  Will my vote even count tomorrow?

Stage 5 – The upward turn

Yes, my vote counts!  Every vote counts.  That is what makes America great!

Stage 6 – Reconstruction and working through

I believe that not only does my vote count, but I am part of the solution.  As JFK said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!”

Stage 7 – Acceptance and Hope

I will vote tomorrow!  I will vote and I will believe in hope and change (again).

Gov. Brownback may miss deadline to pick insurance for KS

Governor Brownback,


I know you are really, really busy.  I’m sure you are busy with governor stuff like cutting some school funding, slashing more arts spending, or possibly even praying in our government buildings, but if I can just interrupt for a quick second.

See there is a deadline looming that I think you are aware of.  September 30th is the deadline where states need to decide what health insurance coverage it is going to provide based on a federal mandate by the Affordable Care Act:

If you don’t pick something by September 30th the federal government will do it for you.  I think we all know how you and fellow Republicans feel about state’s rights.

Now rumor has it you are dragging your feet, because you feel strongly that The Affordable Care Act will be repealed when Mitt Romney is elected President.

“Brownback has been a vocal opponent of the Affordable Care Act and said he wants to wait until after the Nov. 6 election before making any decisions. Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to repeal the act if he is elected. Last year, Brownback sent back a $31.5 million federal grant to set up a health insurance exchange.”

With all due respect Governor Brownback, Romney isn’t having a stellar week or entire campaign for that matter.  Might I suggest not putting all those eggs in that basket?

If you don’t want the Department of Health and Human Services dictating insurance benefits for Kansans, let’s not have a “wait and see” approach to who is going to become our next President.

I don’t want to be accused of witchcraft, but I think the tea leaves are reading pretty clear on this one-   Romney is not going to be elected as our next President.  In case you haven’t noticed, his campaign is in a tailspin.

I totally understand the disappointment you must be feeling.  I feel that way all the time living as a liberal in a conservative state like Kansas.  Lots and lots of disappointment is part of the territory.

Swallow your pride, do what is right and pick what coverage is best for Kansans.  The Insurance Commission is waiting.

Since you are such a strong believer in the power of prayer, I believe Romney could use all you have right now.  Just do me a favor and if you are going to pray for Romney, do it somewhere other than at the Capitol.




Romney promises Honey Boo Boo and her family cabinet positions if elected president

In an effort to put some life back into his campaign, Romney made a drastic move this week.

“We are excited to announce that Honey Boo Boo and her entire family will be joining the Romney administration once I am elected President.”

After realizing that the American people were more interested in watching Honey Boo Boo and her family, Mama, Dad, “Sugar Bear”, sisters, “Pumpkin” and “Chubbs”  and 17 year old new mom “Chickadee”, Romney realized that this family might be just the thing to make him and his campaign seem more in touch with the American people.

“The Romney camp is still evaluating what cabinet position the family will hold, but one thing is certain, they will have a place in a Romney administration.  The message that this family needed a spot in the Romney administration when Paul Ryan spoke at the RNC and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo received better ratings than Paul Ryan’s speech that the American people really connected with that family.”  Romney spokes person said.

“The Republicans are a party of inclusion.  We are demonstrating this by promising a place in our administration for Honey Boo Boo and her family as part of our administration.”

The Romney camp has laid out some possible positions that Honey Boo Boo and her family may hold once Romney is elected in the Fall.

The National Healthcare Initiative to Reduce Obesity

My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12-15 times a day you can lose a little weight, so I think I’ll lose a lot of weight because I’m going to fart a lot. – Chubbs on dieting.

“First Lady Michelle Obama ran her initiative with more exercising and eating right.  Our initiative will be slightly different.  Farting is something everyone does and can be done with little or no effort.  A national initiative to increase farting can be done with so little effort and almost no increase in government spending.  It’s the falls right in line with the Republican platform.”  Romney adviser

Department of Health and Human Services, specifically the National Initiative to Reduce Teenage Pregnancy

It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit and it opens up. – Mama explaining a nickname for her private part Mama teaches sex ed: “All that boy wants is to get in your little biscuit, get a little piece, and he’s running.”  Mama explains teen pregnancy: “You do the do, you do the time.”

With Republicans wanting to cut Title X, the national family planning program and shut down all of the Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide, Republicans feel like this type of Sex Education will do the trick to stop all teenage pregnancy.  The reference to female body parts and breakfast food is just what young people need to understand female anatomy.  Also the clear explanation of “do the do” simplifies the act of sexual intercourse and the Replications feel like a national initiative can easily be launched with a clear understanding of what “do the do” is to stop all young people from ever considering having sex before marriage.

“It’s brilliant and we can’t wait to roll-out this this national initiative and finally rid ourselves of any pre-marriage procreation.” said an anonymous Republican insider.

Another option being considered is a place on the President’s Economic Advisory Counsel.  Honey Boo Boo has been quoted as saying, “A dollar makes me hollar.” 

“This is just the type of mentality we need on our economic advisory counsel.” Mitt Romney

The Republicans hope the inclusion of Honey Boo Boo and her family will provide the Romney campaign with a bump that it needs to help elect him in November.

Bain is Mitt’s pain in the you know what.

The new Obama campaign ad is out against Romney and all I can say is, “OUCH”!

The ad is simple, the song is haunting and the tags on the images are damning.  Over half a million views so far on Youtube.

Bravo Obama Campaign.  You’ve got the one two punch on this one.  Off shore bank accounts!  Jobs sent overseas!  Was Romney there?  Was he not there?  Was he with the Olympics and their Chinese-made uniforms?  Or worse, was he sewing Chinese-made Olympic uniforms?

Strike that last part, I’m mixing my sensational stories.

I think you get my drift.

My 5 year old is playing, “I like to move it.” right now on my iPhone and I feel like this could be a great song to capture his response.  Romney:  I was there.  I wasn’t there.  I was kind of there.  I phoned it in.  I was figuratively there, but not really.  I was a CNN hologram during my time at Bain.  I think you get my drift.

Most of the national analysis has been about if Romney’s decisions at Bain Capital would make him a good President. Can someone who sent jobs overseas be a good US President?

Wrong question folks.  Do we want a President with so little confidence?

Romney could so easily get out of this by saying that sending jobs overseas may not have been good for America, but it was the right decision by the business.  Loads of American corporations send businesses overseas.  (hang on a sec, my iPhone made in China is ringing).

Same thing goes with offshore bank accounts.  That’s the reality of the super rich people.  Did Romney fly himself to these beautiful beach locations with his millions and open these accounts personally?  I’m going to say no.  Again, lots of people do it.  Doesn’t make it right.  Doesn’t make me love it, but it does happen.

A confident President that is a good leader would respond something like this:

Jobs were sent overseas during my time at Bain Capital.  At the time, we made the best decisions possible for our business.  I would have loved to keep the jobs on American soil.  My decisions were not unique.  Many great American corporations send jobs overseas.  That said, being President I understand exactly what needs to be improved in our nation’s workforce, on our manufacturing lines and in our nation’s schools to bring jobs like these back to America.  American corporations would love the combination of maximized profit and American jobs.   Let me take that knowledge to Washington so we can make this country number one again.  Let me be the first , “American President and CEO”. (insert applause – I love my Presidential speech fantasies)

Romney is not doing that.  Instead he is going to debate exact dates of his whereabouts.  Debate away Romney.  You will never win a game like that in an age of technology like ours.  Media always finds out and it never is in favor of the one doing the explaining.

And this is why Romney won’t win in November.  Confidence as a businessman probably told Romney to send the jobs overseas.  Lack of confidence in the role of President has him defending the dates of his employment like it’s a LinedIn Profile.

Score another one for the Obama Camp.

Goodbye Rick…you will be missed

Dear Rick,

I knew this time would come.   I knew we would have to say goodbye.  So many memmories I will take with me when this campaign is over.  I remember when you were just starting out.  No one believed in you at first.  You were up on the stage, looking so eager.  Someone please pay attention to me,  I thought your eyes shouted out on that big debate stage.  You were such an under dog.  Come to think of it, you look a bit like Under Dog:

That’s all over now as you gracefully exit the race.  Now all I have left is this image of Under Dog in my head to comfort me.  You were so close too.  So close to wrecking havic on this nation’s social programs, sex lives and porno.  To think, this nation could have been one second away from resembling a 1950′s sitcom (and not in a good way) and it could have all been thanks to you.  It’s now all over. 

I keep dreaming of what a Santorum presidency would have been like.  I know in my heart you would have done something radical, because that is just the type of man you are and picked a non politician for your running mate.  That is what this country needs, and knowing that, you would have announced a Santorum/Duggar ticket.  Instead of Bruce Springsteen for a campaign song, you would have picked the Duggar’s playing violins up there on the campaign stage and America would have fallen in love.  Foreget Camp David for your get aways as President, Branson would be the President’s new playground.  No inviting the public to the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt, your kids plus the Duggars would have covered it.  This country could have been your Christian, legislative playground. 

Now what are we left with?  I guess Romney who we all know is not wanted by the GOP.  Just a moderate in sheeps clothing.  Not a true conservative like yourself.  No more Santorum who was willing to set this nation back 50 years with views on Women’s Health.  Oh well Rick, I still have my memories to sustain me.  Thank you for dragging this campaign out as long as you did.  It was your fierce competitive spirit and outrageous ideas about contraception that helped fuel that GOP War on Women that I think is going to help defeat Mitt Romney this election.  For this, we have you to thank. 

Go rest now after such a valiant effort.  I am taking this moment to thank my God that you did not succeed.  See I believe in God as much as you do.  It’s my belief that God does things for a reason.  In this case the message is loud and clear.

Yours in comedy spirit,


If the N word is “cute” one can only wonder what is considered hilarious

Racism against President Obama has gone viral.  There has been a bumper sticker featured that shows Obama’s brand with a slash through it and it reads “Don’t Re-Nig 2012″.  Sure enough, this little gem comes from Paula Smith and her company “Stickatude”.  I read an interview with Paula featured in Forbes.

First, I couldn’t believe the interview is running in Forbes.  In Touch I could see, even People, but I have a hard time believing that Paula even knows what Forbes is, let alone that she agreed to an exclusive interview.  Anyway, Ms. Smith doesn’t believe the N word even means black person, but instead says this,  “According to the dictionary [the N word] does not mean black. It means a low down, lazy, sorry, low down person. That’s what the N word means.”

Earth to Ms. Smith, either you need a quick history lesson or you are living in a wonderful world of denial.   Now I am well aware that world of denial usually involves some home brew narcotic and that’s why I have to show ID every time I need a decongestant at my local drug store.

Ms. Smith goes on to say, ““I do find it amazing and entertaining that one of our stickers has become a racist thing,” Isn’t that just the funniest thing Ms. Smith that a bumper sticker with the word nigger in it would go on to become a “racist thing”.  How on earth do you think that would happen?  Maybe because it has one of the most offensive words ever used to describe a race of people?  Could that have something to do with it?  I can’t wait to read the stickers about the Holocaust.  That should be hilarious.

Now I didn’t want to judge a book by the cover, so I needed to do some investigative research.  I went to Stickatude to find out more about the products Ms. Smith sells.  In case you fellow racists were wondering, the “Don’t Re-Nig” sticker is sold out.  I’m sure your local KKK chapter has other racist items that they would be happy to sell you.  If you can’t wait, here are some other gems for purchase off of Stickatude:

“Lift your truck, Fat chicks can’t climb”.  Just a little observation, how would the driver of truck get in it?  Usually the driver has not missed a super sized meal. Hum..I’m going to have to think about this one.

“Jesus Loves You, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”  This one will be wonderful sitting outside of your rural church on Sundays.

“Shock me and say something intelligent”  Probably someone with this on their vehicle has a pretty low shock standard.

On to the “political” section.  There is a disclaimer at the top where Ms. Smith says she is neither democrat or republican, but an American.  She is anti-Obama and pro-gun (shocker) and all for supporting our troops.

“Let men marry men, and women marry women.  In three generations there won’t be any democrats.” A racist and homophobic.  Awesome combination Ms. Smith although not surprising I must add.

“Somewhere in Kenya a village lost its idiot” Obama is not from Kenya so this one doesn’t even make sense.  I believe the idiot is you Ms. Smith

“God, Guns and Guts Made America.  Let’s Keep All Three.”

This last one leads me to the most interesting tab on this website…”Christian Stickas”

Ms. Smith goes from her racist, homophobic stickers to her stickers that call people fat and stupid and then she has a tab devoted to the lord, Jesus Christ.

“America Needs a Faith Lift”  Yes, Ms. Smith, please take note.

“God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.”  Couldn’t agree more Ms. Smith.

“Heading the wrong direction, God allows u-turns.” Can I take this little beauty and stick it over your mouth?

I beg you Ms. Smith, please take all the money you will make on your sudden fame and take a sensitivity training.   This might also be a good time to study up on American history.  Know that the word nigger is absolutely not “cute”, it is hurtful and racist.  Whether you like President Obama’s politics or not, he is still our President and he deserves to be treated with respect.  Just because you know a black person that does not make immune from racism.    I’m all for Christianity, even though I’m Jewish, but the good part about Christianity.  I didn’t see a Jew hating bumper sticker, but I probably didn’t look hard enough.  If bumper sticker intelligence is all you have, please read the Christian Sticka tab on your own website and take some of those messages to heart.  It’s the least you can do since you have embarrassed yourself.  I’m not fully sure you even understand that.  Then again who am I…oh that’s right, just a Jewish, heterosexual democrat, fat chick who hates guns, loves Obama and I’ve never played paint ball-so summed up not your “demographic”.  You might want to look that word up in  your dictionary.




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