Putting the K back in Krazy Kansas politics

Dear Dr. Wolf:

First, welcome to the race for Senate in Kansas.  I appreciate anyone who is willing to add even more crazy or should I say “krazy” to our political landscape here in Kansas. (note to self – learn to  cross stitch “Krazy Kansas” to earn money to keep this blog going – it will be great on pillows.)

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So rumor on the street is your are even MORE conservative than Pat Roberts AND you are a cousin of President Obama.  Call the Kardashians, looks like we have a new kookie family in town and it’s the Obamas!  You wacky cousins – one conservative, the other one liberal…I can only imagine what your Thanksgiving looks like.

Wait..you are 2nd cousins once removed?  I still don’t understand what the hell that even means.  I think by that logic, I might be related to President Obama.  I’m going to have to ancestry.com that.  Is that where we are all somehow related to King Henry VIII?

Well, I guess we all have to milk our claim to fame somehow right?  Who am I to judge?  Did I ever tell you that I met Kirk Cameron at Worlds of Fun?  

Back to the point…

I understand you are a radiologist and that means you are an expert at telling us why healthcare and government shouldn’t mix.  Interesting that your practice accepts Medicare AND Medicaid.  Aren’t those two government healthcare programs? Silly me…what do I know?  I’m just some wacky blog writer and I NEVER wrote a book.  You did write a book and I just downloaded your 5 chapter, 38 page book.  I’m getting ready to get all comfy and cuddle up for a nice, long read.

http://www.amazon.com/First-Harm-Presidents-Hippocratic-ebook/dp/B004OVEZAC

 

Good luck on your campaign!

Yours in understanding 2nd cousins,

Aimee

About these ads

It’s all the rage to rage against Obamacare

Dear people who live in the suburbs, people who frequent Facebook and people who currently have health insurance:

I’ve got a little secret.  Lean in real close…

Guess what?  This is probably going to come as a shock, but the Affordable Care Act doesn’t apply to you.

(Insert HUGE gasp!)

I know.  It’s shocking.  Based on all of the outrage that is coming from the Republicans and the media blitz that has taken place this last week, you would think that it does have everything to do with you, but it doesn’t.  I actually heard claims like..

“Obamacare is causing the downfall of our economy.”

“Our nation will crumble under the weight of Obamacare.”

“Big business will fail, because of Obamacare.”

You get the picture.  It seems all the rage right now to blame Obamacare for just about everything. In fact, I’ve taken to substituting the word “shit” for “Obamacare”.  A guy cut me off in traffic on my way home.  I hit the breaks, “Obamacare man! Watch where you are going!”  I got a papercut at work, “Obamacare! That hurt.”

I think since the most vocal opponents to the Affordable Care Act are those WITH health insurance, how about if we take it a step further and just blame all of our suburban rage on Obamacare.  For example:

  • If your cable goes out during a big football game – ‘damn Obamacare!’
  • The drive-thru get your meal wrong and forget the packets of ketchup – ‘freaking Obamacare!’
  • Susie’s soccer practice is at a different time and field than when and where you show up – ‘Ugh..Obamacare!’

If my memory serves, these same people were griping about how the uninsured were using our emergency rooms as their primary care clinics not so long ago to the tune of…oh what was it?

From the American College of Emergency Physicians:

Hospitals and physicians shoulder the financial burden for the uninsured by incurring billions of dollars in bad debt or “uncompensated care” each year. Fifty-five percent of emergency care goes uncompensated, according to the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services Health care costs for both the full-year and part-year uninsured will total $176 billion dollars this year – $86 billion of which will be incurred when they are uninsured. 

“See, it’s that damn Obamacare to blame!”  Wait, I guess that didn’t work like I wanted it to and in fact it may help solve this problem.  I am, however, out of Diet Coke – “I curse you Obamacare!”

An Open Letter to the Tea Party – The Morning After the Fiscal Cliff

Dear Tea Party,

 

Whew..that was a close one!  We survived the fiscal cliff and didn’t go over in a barrel.  I think they are printing the commemorative t-shirts as we speak – “I survived the fiscal cliff 2012/2013!”

Talk about more drama than a Real Housewives of New Jersey episode.  I was waiting for Andy Cohen from Bravo to show up and do a Watch What Happens Live after the House vote last night.  So much for the pledge “no more politics as usual.”  Oh well, that’s Washington.

So, it’s the morning after and you have a big problem on your hands.  See, I was checking out your website:  http://www.teaparty.org

You have some pretty colorful language.

15 Non-Negotiable Core Beliefs

1. Illegal aliens are here illegally.
2. Pro-domestic employment is indispensable.
3. A strong military is essential.
4. Special interests must be eliminated.
5. Gun ownership is sacred.
6. Government must be downsized.
7. The national budget must be balanced.
8. Deficit spending must end.
9. Bailout and stimulus plans are illegal.
10. Reducing personal income taxes is a must.
11. Reducing business income taxes is mandatory.
12. Political offices must be available to average citizens.
13. Intrusive government must be stopped.
14. English as our core language is required.
15. Traditional family values are encouraged.

 

By the way, regarding this:  Commonsense, Conservative, Constitutional Self-Governance Is Our Mode Of Operation. Yes, we are a Christian nation. However, you do not have to be a Christian to enjoy freedom. The Tea Party welcomes all red-blooded U.S. Citizens.   Gee, thanks for allowing me and Jewish people like me to enjoy freedom.  I’m enjoying my freedom right now, the freedom of speech by the way by writing this letter and telling you that this is a bunch of junk.  Dang it!  There goes my New Year’s resolution of trying to be more kind.  Oh well, there is always next year.

So during the political drama last night, your tea party members weren’t only hesitating on the edge of the cliff, they were willing to shove America off the cliff.  Throwing us off the cliff would have resulted in the following:

For high earners, married couples making more than $222,300 but less than $397,000, rates would jump from 33 percent to 36 percent. For the highest earners, couples making over $397,000, taxes would rise from 35 percent to 39.6 percent.

But they’d rise for almost everyone else, too. Couples making $145,900 – $222,300 would see a rate jump from 28 percent to 31 percent. Couples making $72,300 – $145,900 would see rates jump from 25 percent to 28 percent.

The middle class would take the biggest hit: Married couples earning $60,350 – $72,300 would see tax rates jump from 15 percent to 28 percent. That means that without any credits or deductions, a couple making $65,000 would go from taking home $55,250 to taking home $46,800 next year if Congress and the president fail to strike a deal.

That’s versus what actually happened which is this:

Households making between $40,000 and $50,000 will face an average tax increase of $579 in 2013, according to the Tax Policy Center’s analysis. Households making between $50,000 and $75,000 will face an average tax increase of $822.

“For most people, it’s just the payroll tax,” said Roberton Williams, a senior fellow at the Tax Policy Center.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/payroll-tax-rise-article-1.1231335#ixzz2GpM9aMRX

So now what Tea Party?  Most of your members voted against the bill. It’s hard to know what to do when you have “non-negotiable, core beliefs”.  Eric Cantor was leading the charge, ready to throw America right off the cliff.  Some say politicians like Cantor and Rubio who voted against the deal did so just because they have higher aspirations down the road (a.k.a. President of the United States). Dang it, there goes another resolution – no more gossiping.

Voting for the bill saved the country from a financial tail-spin.  Voting against the bill would have caused all American taxes to significantly rise and could have cause an economic melt-down.  I guess it’s not all black and white, sometimes there are shades of gray.  It’s those times when you wish there was Plan B.

Anyway, thanks again for clarifying that it’s o.k. for me to stay in the states and enjoy my freedom.  You guys are gems.

Now that this political theater is over, I’ll go back to Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Can you believe the Kim is Kanye’s  baby mama?  I guess the next drama will be Feb. when it’s debt ceiling time.

Yours in freedom,

Aimee

Akin plans on writing a book? Might I suggest a flier.

Todd Akin, the MO candidate for Senate is now planning on gracing our shelves with a potential book.  Oh the anticipation for that book.  You might remember Todd, the candidate who some believe brought down the GOP with his comment about “legitimate rape”.  Now he wants to write a book.

I just summed up his book in 120 characters on twitter…I ran for senate. I said some stupid shit. I lost. The end.

Now I’m sure Todd’s take on how things went was a bit different. He probably already got the thesaurus cracked trying to find different ways to describe “bravery” and “courage”. He believes he stood up to the establishment by continuing to run when everyone told him he should step down.

I can only hope that when it is turned into the Lifetime Movie that Lindsay Lohan is tagged to play Claire McCaskill. LiLo hold your calendar open in about 2 years for this gem.  Maybe Jeff Bridges as Todd?  The Duggars can play themselves.  I call the drinking game on this miniseries – drink every time someone says “legitimate rape”.

The book that should be written is how this whole mess redefined the Republican party.  The #WaronWomen is not just a cute hash tag in the Twitterverse.  It’s a real thing and it came out to bite the whole Republican party on their white, male behind.

Akin’s one interview and his mindless statements that followed changed the establishment.  It forced the GOP to hold a big mirror up to themselves and look at more than their bad comb-overs.  They realized post-election that the party has some changing to do.  Minorities like blacks, women and Hispanics need to be included in this party if they are going to be successful.  Stupid statements like how women’s reproductive parts work won’t be tolerated by voters.

Will they really change?  Who knows.  For now, I can’t wait for the Akin book to come out.  I’m sure it will have lots and lots of pictures – the kind that need crayons to color with.

Gingrich and Akin – New BFFs

Looks like the political world has a new Gwenyth and Madonna or Ben and Matt.  The newest couple on the bromance political circuit is none other than Newt Gingrich and Todd Akin.  Akin, we all remember has the struggling senate campaign against Claire McCaskill in Missouri.  Akin quickly lost his running to be voted most likely to succeed when he tried to explain a female’s reproductive system and how it responds to rape.  Gingrich is supporting Akin at fundraisers in MO and trying to dig Akin’s campaign out of the funeral plot it finds itself in.

Since this friendship came out of nowhere, one must assume Akin consulted the Girl’s Life article “How to make new friends by lunch–really.”   http://www.girlslife.com/post/2012/07/19/How-to-make-friends-by-lunchreally.aspx

 

Let’s see what the article says and how Akin and Gingrich measure up-

Tried and True

Don’t be afraid to just introduce yourself to the girl sitting one desk over. Sure, it’s awkward to say, “Hi, my name is __________,” and then let it hang there. So don’t. Introduce yourself, and after she responds with her name, follow up with a question about how long she’s gone to the school or where her locker is this year. And in the awkward event that she just stares at you and doesn’t respond with her name, be prepared just to jump straight into your question. If you ask her something directly, hopefully she won’t be so rude that she won’t respond at all.

Akin:  “Hi my name is Todd.  I’ve managed to alienate 50% of our population with my comments about abortion and rape.  Newt, you’ve been in politics for a long time and we all know you took a cruise during a crucial time in your run for presidency that caused most of your staff to quit.  Can you tell me  how you felt when so many people quit on you like the Republican leadership has quit on me?”

Just like the article says, putting it all out there at first and then following up with a nice question pointing out similarities can create an instant bond.

That Awkward Moment When…

Pay attention to anything out-of-the-ordinary or funny that happens in your first few classes, and comment on it when you run into one of your classmates in the hall later. The best is if you can make a joke out of it, and use that to get the chitchat flowin’. Something like, “So does it usually sound like they’re shouting the morning announcements in your ear, or was the loudspeaker just turned up in honor of the first day?” Be careful with your jokin’, though, and don’t mention any people – you never know who could be creepin’ up behind you and get offended.

Akin to Gingrich, “Isn’t that hilarious how I manage to say something that caused the Republican leadership to go running for the hills?  Those silly Republicans think they can scare me out of the race by pulling all my endorsements and money.  Still I’m somehow managing to get press by staying in the race and really pushing the Republicans buttons.  By not getting out the race, I could easily hand this victory to my opponent, Clare McCaskill.  Hilarious!”  They both fall to the floor in hysterics.

Dish Out the Compliments           

If you heart the pants that your locker neighbor is wearing, tell her. She probably put tons of thought into her BTS outfit just like you did, and she’ll appreciate someone noticing it. You can then ask her where she got them, or move on to a new topic once you’ve gotten her attention. Just be careful not to gush too much – you don’t wanna come off as a spaz. A simple compliment and a smile will go a long way.

Akin to Newt, “I think this wife is by far the best wife.  I know your previous lifestyle of marital infidelities goes against my strong, fundamentalist Christian values, but as long as we keep the gays from marrying, we will let Jesus decide.”

And there you have it.  The Gingrich and Akin friendship is one based in similar experience that will stand the test of time.  I’m sure this friendship will extend far beyond just this political race.

A few key questions, a lot of compliments and similar circumstances of alienation that can keep them laughing for a lifetime of friendship.

 

Message to Todd Akin from God

This just in.  God sent me a message to deliver to Akin.  God heard your prayers about staying in the race for Senate.  In fact he, no I’m sorry, she said enough already with the praying.  She got your message…all of your messages.  

She wants me to tell you that she is proud of you for standing up and apologizing for saying that any form of rape is legitimate.  She knows you messed up and didn’t mean that.  Nobody in their right mind would say that rape of any sort would be legitimate.

God is still angry.  See you left out a key part that you didn’t apologize for.  You didn’t apologize for implying that women can just will a pregnancy from happening.  In the controversial statement, you seemed to imply that if women didn’t want to get pregnant, we could just think it away and it wouldn’t happen.  God said she spent countless hours designing our amazing female reproductive system and to imply that our system could be circumvented by a few strong thoughts is crazy.

Since you are looking to God so heavily to decide if you are staying in this race or not, I thought I should give you some direct feedback from upstairs.  Just a little FYI, God also doesn’t agree with your position on the morning-after pill either.  See the morning-after pill is not the abortion pill.  She says she wouldn’t have given doctors the ability to come up with this technology if she didn’t want people in our society to be able to better regulate their fertility.  She wanted me to remind you that the morning-after pill changes the lining of the uterus so that an egg will be less likely to implant into the walls of the uterus.  It is not the abortion pill like many people believe.  She said for you to be against the morning-after pill is just plain wrong. If you are against the morning-after pill you are against birth control. She wanted me to remind women that if you stay in the race, this alone could hurt your chances with voters, because of your extremist views on birth control. 

God also thought Piers Morgan’s empty seat last night on his show representing you was pretty funny.  God has a wicked sense of humor.

Anyway, Rep. Akin, your prayers are coming through loud and clear.  Consider adding to your apology.  God and American women are listening.

Thanks,

God via Aimee

 

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