KS birth control laws pushing new business away

Dear business owners, CEOs and entrepreneurs:

This is a letter to anyone thinking of moving their business to Kansas. Kansas is a great place for businesses and a great place for families. I grew up here and moved back to raise my family after spending time on the east coast. It is Midwest living at its finest. There is plenty of space to build a beautiful company headquarters to your liking. Your employees can find affordable housing and their children can attend the best schools. Let’s not forget the excellent BBQ!

With all of this great Midwest living, I have to tell you, if you have female employees in your company I would highly suggest not moving here. See there are a lot of other great places that also have great housing, wonderful schools and good food that are probably more female friendly. Our government spends a ridiculous amount of time writing, debating and passing extreme legislation on abortion and birth control. They could spend time finding ways to make Kansas more business friendly instead they waste hours and hours writing legislation finding ways to outlaw birth control in our great state.

Just yesterday Rep Lance Kinzer (R, Olathe) who sponsored the most recent anti-birth control bill that allows doctors and pharmacists who oppose prescribing any medication that they feel causes an abortion said this,

“The bill’s very clearly drafted to say that it only applies where there’s a termination of pregnancy, ” Kinzer said. “I’m no medical expert and so I leave it to others to talk about which specific drugs are, in fact, abortion-inducing.” KC Star 3/29/2012

The bill is SB62 Here’s the deal business owners, this bill is so vague and it leaves no room for anyone to sue a pharmacist or doctor who doesn’t prescribe birth control. A pharmacist could decide that all birth control causes abortion by preventing pregnancy in the first place. If you decide to bring your business to Kansas you could risk bringing it to an area where your female employee could not get birth control. What does that mean? A lot to your business financially. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing when planned and wanted. Everyone agrees with that. However, we all know pregnancy costs an employer a lot of money! Without access to birth control, your employees are now faced with unwanted and unplanned pregnancies and that costs a lot to your bottom line in lost productivity, increased insurance costs and decreased employee moral.

Now, does this mean the entire state will be birth control free? Probably not at this point, but if Rep. Kinzer has his way it sure seems like that’s what he is going for. Also, what if you decide to move your business to a small town and the only local pharmacist decides not to stock birth control? Why risk it. What if the state outlaws Plan B in the entire state? At this point anything is possible.

I long for a time when my state government focused on jobs and the economy of KS. I wish they would work on making Kansas a state where businesses would want to relocate instead of creating law that is so hurtful to female employees. I am sorry potential Kansas business that you can’t have an opportunity to enjoy our schools, our beautiful parks and our wonderful food. In business, the bottom line counts. It wouldn’t make financial sense to move to a state that does not make sound decisions about legislation without thinking about the bottom line of Kansas businesses and instead put their own personal moral opinions in front of everything else. Remember, women are 50% of the workforce.

Enjoy your time in another state. You will be missed!

I guess that means more BBQ for me.

Sincerely,

Aimee

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My email to Sen. Merrick about SB 62 in Kansas

Dear Sen. Merrick,

I urge  you as a voter in your district not to vote for SB 62.  I understand by your voting record you are pro-life.  I respect the existence of pro-life and pro-choice Americans.  I do not believe the world needs an all or nothing stance.  However, this bill is too vague.  It will cause Kansas to open itself up to costly lawsuits in order to define this bill.  The state of Kansas cannot afford to waste any more money in the judicial system trying to define vague legislation.  

I know that as a fiscally responsible representative, you want to see Kansas thrive economically.  In a time when our state needs to focus on fiscally responsible legislation passing a bill like this is financially irresponsible. I would say this about any bill that is this vague in definition. This state is desperate to elect fiscally responsible politicians both Democrat and Republican.  Voting in legislation that will cost this state millions in legal fees does not make sense in a time when school funding is being cut, we desperately need job growth and our social programs are suffering from budget cuts. 

I am fine if you are pro-life just like you should recognize that  voters in your district are pro-choice.  Please continue to do your best to convince women not to seek abortion by preaching this message in your church and among your friends.  Please keep this vague and costly legislation out of our government.  Kansas simply can’t afford it.

I am confident you will do the right thing.  This voter is paying attention.

Sincerely,
Aimee

Betty Draper, please help me erase memory about eating placentas…

Dear January,

First, thank you so much and everyone involved in bringing Mad Men back last night.  I love the show.  I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the return of Don Draper and the rest of the cast.  I was almost in a frenzy last night when I realized I left for my weekly mah jongg game and  didn’t DVR the show.  Luckily my good Jewish mother saved me.  Now Mah Jongg isn’t something Betty would have played back then, probably just her Jewish friends played, that is if Betty had any Jewish friends.  Now that I think of it, Betty probably didn’t have any Jewish friends.  That was a time when rich whites weren’t so kosher with country club activities with blacks and Jews.   Well that sucks doesn’t it?  Screw you Betty Draper.

Oh sorry, misdirected and historical anger rant.  Back to my point.  Mad Men is back!  Television dialog that is subtle and smart and actors that can pull it off.  Fabulous!  You were  absent late last season because you were bringing into this world a bundle of joy named Xander.  First, two thumbs up! E”x”cellent use of the letter “X”.    I do love this name and I’ll admit I’m not a big fan of a lot of celebrity names these days.    The kid is screwed if he ever wants a mass customized cup, water bottle, pencil, place mat, etc.  However, you are a big celebrity so you can probably hire an artist to just paint his name on everything he wants so problem solved.  Not so easy when you are a mom here in middle America looking for items at Target.

Now, I am one of “those people” who read all of the gossip magazines.  I consider it mind candy when I need a break from figuring out how to solve Middle East peace or resolve famine in Africa, I read all about the Kardashians or the latest in the Real Housewives saga.  So when you turned up preggers, I, like everyone else, was curious who the baby daddy was.  Your message was loud and clear-I am not telling.  Fair enough.  As a celebrity, you do have a right to privacy.  I thought it was so cool that you wanted to keep something in your life private.

Ok, so now I have to ask, “why is it that I know you eat your son’s placenta?”

If I don’t know an easy question like who your baby daddy is, why do I know information like you eat your son’t placenta.  I was innocently reading an article about you and there it was.  I couldn’t erase it from my mind.  It is stuck there like the name of the Brady Bunch cat.  For the rest of my life I will know that and I don’t want to.  Your reason for eating your son’s placenta ground up into vitamin capsules – it gives you energy and we are the only animal species that doesn’t do it.

News Flash: There are lots of things we do that animals don’t do – wear fabulous heels, buy Mac lipstick, tweet, drink cosmos…

There are a lot of things that animals do that we don’t do: sniff eat other’s tushies, poop in public, chase down, kill and eat our dinners (well I can’t be 100% sure in some of the more “rural” places in the US)

Point is I’m cool with getting my energy from my extra large diet coke at McDonald’s or in my morning coffee.  Some people do it with a Red Bull and some people do it in a more healthy way.  I don’t really care, but like your baby daddy some things are better left kept to yourself.  Eat all the placenta you want, but in your new age coolness if you discover a way to erase unwanted memories, please look me up and send me that info.  I have a placenta memory that I am looking to erase.

Thanks,

Aimee

Gov. Brownback – my proposal to create jobs & restrict women’s rights at the same time: a microchip

Governor Brownback, or Sam.. can I call you Sam?  I think I’m going to call you Sam since you are working so hard to control my vagina, I think that means we are becoming pretty intimate.  So I see you are all about job creation for Kansas per your press release today.  Thank God, oh excuse me, “goodness” that is something we can agree on!  I don’t think there is a person, republican or democrat, who disagrees with job creation.  It’s a great thing and especially a great thing for Kansas.  Technology jobs are a great thing for Kansas.  I was thinking about that today and also thinking about all of the restrictive legislation our great state of KS has proposed to limit my rights as a woman.  What would be a great way to create jobs, especially those in the tech industry and continue your fight to turn back the clock on women’s health to something equal to that of the Victorian era?

Ah ha!  I’ve got it!  Microchips.  Microchips are the thing that can solve all of our problems.  I know that they can be used to implant in the family pet. If Fido gets out, it can send a signal back to command center “Find Fido” and family pet can instantly be located on GPS.    My proposal is we build a plant right here in the great state of KS and develop these microchips to implant in a woman’s vagina.  Now, it sounds radical, but so did mandatory vaginal ultrasounds at one point.

Stay with me here, the microchips can monitor every part of a woman’s cycle and report all of the findings to her state government.  This would include all sexual partners, any form of birth control and any attempts to abort any pregnancies.  Once Christian conservatives have their way and outlaw all contraception, it can monitor a woman’s cycle and report back to the woman the “safe” times in a woman’s cycle to have sex to avoid pregnancy by sending out a series of signals.  I think we need to work on the signal part.  I’m not sure if the signals should be beeps or vibrations.  The beeps could be too loud and the vibrations…well, we wouldn’t want the women to get sexually aroused.  I mean, we all know that sex is purely for procreation only.  There should be no arousal or pleasure from sex by conservative republican standards.  Vibrations are definitely out now that I think about it.  That settles it, beeps are in. That could be slightly awkward if the signals went off while at work.  Oh well, government legislation has made sex lives of women so public I guess we should all get used to knowing the intimate details of everyone.  The microchip could monitor the number of sexual partners a woman has so it could determine the “slut” factor of a woman and report that finding back to a woman’s employer, her political party, her church, the government.

Republicans are all for cutting the size of government except when it comes to overseeing women’s bodies so let’s create a new government department (oh, I know hypocrisy of it all – insert flirty laugh).  We will call it the Department of Vagina.  This department will be in charge of monitoring all of this data.  No need for gynecologists anymore with this microchip.  We can let the physicians know that if you aren’t delivering babies there is no need to be examining lady parts anymore.  The government has this handled thank you very much!  I think this is going to be great.  We develop and manufacture this microchip here in KS.  Think of all of the conservative states that will be lining up to order this, TX, OK, VA…the list is endless.

Let me know what you think Sam.  It is definitely a win-win for the state of KS.  We will look like we are pushing the boundaries of technology, creating jobs and playing God in the process.  Isn’t that really what you are after anyway?  I also want to recommend a state motto change – Kansas: where your vagina is everyone’s business.

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