Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics


Something happened this week that was startling to Kansas lawmakers. A bill was introduced by Kansas Republican Barbara Bollier that was deeply rooted in something rarely found in Topeka.  In fact, it’s so rare that it has lawmakers shocked and unsure of what to do with this bill.


“We’ve heard about bills like this in other states, but we were completely taken off guard when this bill was introduced in Topeka,” one lawmaker said.


What’s wrong with this bill?  It’s a bill that makes total sense.


The bill would provide IUDs for uninsured women in Kansas. The LARC bill stands for Long Acting Reversible Contraceptives and is modeled after a successful initiative in Colorado. The  Colorado program has resulted in the following:

48% decrease in birth rate for young women ages 15-19
19.4% decrease in birth rate for women ages 20-24
48% decrease in abortion rate for young women ages 15-19
21% decrease in abortion rate for women ages 20-24


The response in Topeka has been shocking yet typical.


“A common sense bill in Topeka.  We just can’t have that.  We are so used to bills not making financial sense and sticking it to the poor that we aren’t sure what to do with this bill that just makes so much sense,” said a Topeka lawmaker.


“When they said LARC, I thought this was another bill about the lesser prairie chicken, not a bill about lady parts.  I’m just so confused,” another lawmaker said.


“Look if it’s not a bill that destroys public education, embarrasses our poor or defunds Planned Parenthood I’m not sure my eyes are even able to read to the words on the page,” said another lawmaker.


Many lawmakers believed that LARC was a new type of gun and were in favor of the bill.


“Is LARC a new gun?  If it’s a new gun then I’m all for it!  Everyone should have a LARC and be able to carry it in any public building without harassment from those gun hating liberals,” said an anonymous lawmaker.


“People should be able to conceal and carry LARC anywhere they want.  It’s a constitutional right.”


My advice Rep. Bollier – keep them thinking that LARC is a new type of gun and this legislation will pass in no time.




Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach, the Superhero of Voter Fraud had a win this week.  You might remember him as the Secretary of State who championed the strictest voter i.d. laws in the country.  To vote in Kansas, you now have to present the following:

  1. A valid drivers license/ passport
  2. A note from your mom saying you are worthy
  3. A  picture of you outside the hospital where you were born
  4. An updated Facebook relationship status to “voting Republican in Kansas”
  5. Your report card from 2nd grade

Voting is so complex in Kansas – the Secretary of State’s office launched a website to help people understand it with a flashy marketing tag line “Got Voter ID?” (psst…the Got Milk folks called and they want their marketing campaign back.)


There is even a 14 page voter registration kit that people can download to help them understand the simple voter registration process.    Kansas-Voter-Registration-Kit


You know this system is messed up when you have to download a “kit” to register to vote.  


BUT all this hard work has paid off. Kobach is kicking voter fraud ass and taking names! Between the invaluable kits and his take no prisoners stance on voter fraud – the last I heard he had identified six thousand  new cases of voter fraud.

News Flash

….not exactly six thousand.

Kobach also announced Monday three new voter fraud cases, including one in Johnson County, to add to three that were announced last fall.

Kobach has vowed to fight fraudulent voting with tougher registration laws and prosecutions, and last year the Legislature gave him the power to prosecute voter fraud. He is the only secretary of state in the nation who has such authority.

Read more here:


So kindergarten math makes my head hurt, but if I add that up correctly 3+3=6.  That’s a whopping 6 new cases of voter fraud!  I have to tip my hat and say, “well done sir!”


Guns Have Feelings Too


We  often think of guns just as cold killing machines, but one Kansas Republican wants us to remember that guns have feelings too.  Jacob Laturner, R-KS filed a bill this week to protect guns from discrimination in our state.  Remember Brownback removed the protection for LGBT state employees earlier this year and they can now be fired in our state just for being gay, but this Kansas lawmaker wants to remind us who the real victims are when it comes to discrimination- gun owners.  From the bill –


Sec. 3. It shall be an unlawful discriminatory practice for any person
to refuse to provide any goods or services of any kind, to refrain from
continuing an existing business relationship, to terminate an existing
business relationship with or otherwise discriminate against a person or
trade association solely because a person is engaged in the lawful
commerce of firearms or ammunition products and who is licensed
pursuant to chapter 44 of title 18 of the United States code or a trade
association as defined by this act.

I challenge Senator Lautner to show me  examples of gun owner discrimination to warrant this type of legislation.  Meanwhile I’m sure the LGBT community could provide me examples of discrimination that justify upholding the executive order that Brownback so easily dismantled.
I had my assistant, Gus the Cat, take a look at the bill for review and he thought it makes a better cat toy than Kansas law.



Rarely do I sit in awe at such a great week in politics, but this week will go down in the history books as one of those weeks tackling issues that matter in Kansas.  Forget education, our highways or the  budget crisis – our lawmakers courageously addressed far more important issues this week – exposed knees and the .000001% chance a welfare recipient may win the lottery.


V-Neck Sweatergate

A Senate committee chairman imposed a dress code on Kansans testifying on elections or ethics bills that explicitly prohibits women from wearing skimpy skirts or blouses with plunging necklines while establishing no wardrobe restrictions exclusively for men.

“It’s one of those things that’s hard to define,” Holmes said. “Put it out there and let people know we’re really looking for you to be addressing the issue rather than trying to distract or bring eyes to yourself.”

Guns in the capitol – no problem.  Exposed knees?  Hell no!  I mean really ladies – how do you expect our lawmakers to do things like destroy Kansas public education, ruin our Kansas roads and increase our budget deficit to levels that resemble a cosmic black hole when they are distracted by your cleavage.  They can’t properly execute their war on women’s health when they may be sporting wood from seeing your bare thigh when you cross your legs.

Senator Holmes – allow me to help define this for you.  When people enter the Capitol, we will arm each security guard with a yard stick.  After women walk through the metal detector, the security guard will measure skirt lengths to be sure they properly reach below the knees.  If the length isn’t acceptable, the woman will be given a burka that we will have designed with the Kansas flag.  Promoting modesty and Kansas at the same time – it’s a win-win!


Kansas has the luckiest welfare recipients in the United States according to Republican lawmakers.  In an effort to crackdown on their amazing luck, Republican introduced a bill that would cross check lottery winners against the welfare registry to ensure no welfare abuse is taking place.

According to Horse S. Hit, Ph.D in Economics the lottery abuse is a big problem in our state – there were 266 lottery winners in the state of Kansas.  The Kansas population is 2.904 million.  That means almost no one won the lottery in the state of Kansas.  Out of almost no one – you have to figure maybe just maybe there was a welfare recipient that won something.  This law just makes sense.

Sen. Michael O’Donnell, R-Wichita, argued the changes will help fight welfare abuse.

“It is important for us to make sure we are strengthening the system, that we are making sure that system is going to those that deserve it,” O’Donnell said.

“And these changes we have today, the changes we enacted last year, they changed the nation in the sense of other states are looking at what we’re doing,” he said. “They’re following it and they’re making sure hard-working Kansans, hard-working Americans, all of their tax dollars are going to programs that they’re designed for and that we’re eliminating fraud.”

Senator O’Donnell is correct that the nation is watching what we are doing.  I encourage Kansas voters, media and late night comedians to reach out to Senator O’Donnell and have him explain why this crack down on welfare lottery winners in our state is so important.

You can reach him here for more information:


Capitol Office

Room: 225-E
Seat: 3
Phone: 785-296-7391


The Kansas legislature is barely back in session for 2016 and before their seats can even get nice and toasty warm that can only mean one thing –

Another gun bill!

The NRA must be giving some sort of trophy for the most gun bills by a state, because Kansas can’t crank them out fast enough.

My favorite part of these gun bills are the titles. Ladies and gentlemen I give you (drum roll please) HB 2440 a.k.a. The Personal and family protection act; regulating concealed carry in portions of public buildings or as I like to call it the Guns, Guns and More Guns everywhere in Kansas bill.

To summarize the bill – anyone can conceal and carry a gun in any public area in Kansas and if the public area says no guns allowed, they have to provide the following security measures:

1. Metal detectors
2. Armed guards
3. Attack dogs
4. Flamethrowers
5. A moat with alligators around the perimeter of the building
6. A hive of killer bees

Basically it’s not financially possible for a public building to provide the type of security that this bill asks for so everyone in Kansas will be packing heat and that’s the point.

But why? Is it just about guns? Why another gun bill when the state is facing an epic financial crisis?

That NRA trophy must be pretty darn amazing.

Then I suddenly remembered this headline from last week: Kansas Budget Problems Prevent KBI From Investigating Some Felonies


Kansas is so broke….

How broke are we Aimee?

We are so broke that we are short highway patrol officers and KBI agents. There aren’t enough agents to investigate felonies in our state.

Many felonies in Kansas, says Thompson, are going uninvestigated: “Of the 500 and some cases we took on last year, we declined well in excess of 100 case requests.”

Kansas keeps passing all of these gun bills that are titled “protection” bills – protection should be the thing we look to our police officers for. Since Kansas is so broke we can’t afford police officers and agents, I’m guessing the next bill will be having civilians investigate their own crimes. It would just make sense since our lawmakers are unwilling to do anything to solve our budget problems and instead want to waste time in Topeka rolling out the next NRA-friendly bill. Might as well make it worth everyone’s while and at least give the KBI and the highway patrol some assistance they desperately need.

You can title it – the Kansas untrained civilians solving crime because we’re too broke to do it right by the victims bill.


If you felt like all roads to Topeka were a bit more congested than normal yesterday, that’s because our Kansas lawmakers all made their way back to start the 2016 session.

There to greet them was an economic mess that continued from last year as Kansas continues to face a budget shortfall estimated to be $175 million in the next fiscal year.

Senate President Susan Wagle explained it this way –

“We are in this situation not because of what we’ve done here in Kansas. We’re in this situation because we are in an international recession,” Senate President Susan Wagle, R-Wichita, told a gathering of Senate Republicans on Sunday night. Read More Here

I consulted with international economic expert Dr. G. Oogle to see what I could find out about this international recession causing the Kansas budget crisis.

The evidence was clear. Certain markets MAY BE facing an international recession like China and Brazil, but the US isn’t one of them. From the Washington Post,

Still, many economists doubt that the emerging-market debacle will squash the U.S. recovery. “The U.S. consumer and the housing market are big driving forces,” says Behravesh. U.S. exports to emerging-market countries are only about 4 percent of the economy (gross domestic product). Any loss of exports can be overwhelmed by higher consumer spending, which is nearly 70 percent of GDP. And Behravesh thinks consumer spending will remain solid for many reasons: strong job growth (around 200,000 a month); low interest rates (households’ interest payments as a share of disposable income are the lowest since the mid-1980s); and low gasoline prices.

That leaves us with Wagle’s assessment of how we got to this mess in Kansas. I will plot this out on my bullshit meter. A 1 means that she is bullshit free and this quote is a true statement and a 10 means that she is completely full of shit.

So did an international recession cause Kansas to end up $175 million dollars in debt? I’ve plugged this quote into the meter.

One second while it calculates the results….


It’s a 10!!! This excuse is completely full of shit.

We are in this mess because of the Brownback tax cuts, not because of an international recession.

Nice try Senator Wagle


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