Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

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Would you believe we are more than a year out from the next Presidential election?  With all the press, you would think we were only a month away.

What the Dem’s have provided us with an absolute campaign snoozefest, the GOP has made up for in a Kardashian-like reality show.  It’s hotter than Kansas City in July.  I’ve been wanting to write about it for weeks, but I haven’t been able to shoot the gap and begin typing between outrageous statements.

First, there are more candidate in GOP race for the White House than kids in the Duggar family.  Here they are in no particular order:

Trump, Cruz, Bush, Huckabee, Walker, Carson, Rubio, Perry, Snoopy, Santorum, Kasich, Fiorina, Graham, Ziggy, Paul, Pluto, Patton…

Maybe I made some of those up to see if you were still awake.

With a candidate pool like this, what’s the best strategy for standing out?

Dazzling Americans with your amazing foreign policy plan?

Nope.

Wow us with your plan for economic prosperity?

Not a chance.

Hurl insults at groups of people and make Holocaust references whenever possible?  Cue the confetti, drop the American Flag and send in the bald Eagles – we have a winner!

First you have “The Donald” who we all know insulted a group of people with absolutely no fact behind what he was saying.

Quick reminder  – Donald hasn’t outlined anything substantial he will actually DO as President.  Every time he says something outrageous his poll numbers go up. In fact, he’s leading right now.  Screw actual details about what he would bring to the table as President – just keep ranting about all the people you think are bringing down the country Donald. If you run out, just resort to “your mama” insults. It’s working like a song.

We have one year left.  I think his campaign manager is coming up with a list of minorities for him to insult on a weekly basis- it should have him skating right into the nomination.

Let’s just assume his economic plan for America is more golf courses and colorful ties.

Then we have Mike Huckabee who decided he HAD to do something in order to get noticed.

Gee…what to do? What to do?

I know! Donald I will see your insults and I’ll raise you an inappropriate Holocaust reference.

Sure enough that’s what the very Christian Mike Huckabee did when discussing the Iran deal that the Obama Administration worked out.  I’ll quote this one, because it’s just too disgusting to pass up,

“This president’s foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It’s got to be stopped.”

Wow Mike.  You really went for it there.  We will just have to wait and see if your poll numbers got a boost on that one.

Watching this reminds me of the Will Farrell movie “The Campaign” – at least no one has punched a baby yet.  But then again – the campaign still has a year to go.

 

 

 

 

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Dear Mr. Skiles, Dent County Commissioner,

 

Dent County is making a lot of news right now after you and the other commissioners in Dent County voted to lower the flags to half-staff.  I thought to myself, “did someone important die in Dent County?”

 

No.

 

The lowering of the flag was out of “mourning” because of the Supreme Court decision to make gay marriage legal.  You and the commissioners were so struck by grief over the ruling that you had to make a protest statement and lowering the flag felt like the right choice.

 

“Skiles said the decision by the Supreme Court hurt him “deep down inside, like the death of a near and dear loved one,” leading to writing the letter and proposing the flag lowering.”  You forgot to add, just not a gay loved one, because that just ain’t right.

 

You could have protested by saying, “I just don’t agree with the decision,” (insert stern finger wagging) like other people who don’t agree and then moved on after realizing that this decision in no way impacts your life in Dent County.

 

But NOOOOOOO…..you and the other commissioners had to take that extra dramatic step and propose lowering the flag to show that you were in mourning.  (And people say gay men are dramatic. You showed them.)

 

And then add insult to injury, your decision to lower the flag was met with opposition so you decided to rethink your decision.  I understand this.  I got blonde highlights this summer and it wasn’t a smart decision.  They don’t look good.  In fact, I’m rethinking this decision right now so who am I to judge when someone changes their mind.  EXCEPT you aren’t changing your mind about lowering the flag, because the symbolism is an insult to LGBT Americans – strike that…all Americans, to our judicial process and to our Founding Fathers.  You are changing your mind, because it “disrespect veterans.”

 

So that leaves us to address your state of mourning.  I suggest if you are that torn up over gay marriage, you might think about taking a lot of time off to recover.  How can you possibly fulfill your duties as commissioner of Dent County in this kind of mental state of distress?  Gay marriage is happening in the United States.  #LoveWins isn’t just a hashtag, its reality in America.    I think you should probably submit your resignation letter and take some time to go through the stages of mourning.  It’s the best thing for you.  Who knows how close a married, gay couple could get to you and what kind of upset mindset that would put you in.  You may just need to cuddle up with some Kleenex and cry it out.  As you said the ruling was the “saddest day in American history”.  I’m sure the families of the victims of 9/11 don’t take any offense to that whatsoever.

 

Enjoy your time off and remember you have every right to disagree with something.  When you disagree, you can simply say, “I disagree with that.”  Trust me…I do it every day.

 

Yours for disagreeing in an agreeable manner that doesn’t insult most of America,

Aimee

 

 

Aimee

It’s only been a few weeks since the Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage in America and as quick as you can say, “costly Kansas lawsuits” Brownback is already pondering a new religious objection law to block the gay marriage ruling.

 

“You have to understand and get the mechanisms in place,” he told reporters. “We’ve had meetings with the attorney general, with the relevant Cabinet agencies. We want to make sure to do this right.”
Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/government-politics/article26047999.html#storylink=cpy

 

Same-sex couples can obtain marriage licenses in all 105 Kansas counties, but the state is not allowing gay and lesbian spouses to change their names on driver’s licenses, nor has it said whether couples can file joint income tax returns. The state has not extended coverage to gay spouses under its health insurance plan for government workers.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/government-politics/article26047999.html#storylink=cpy

 

“We can’t allow same-sex couples to share last names.  The confusion would be too great for the state to handle.  Just think about what happened when we allowed married women to keep their last names.  For example, you have Marianne Baker married to John Jones.  After the state allowed that, the flood gates opened and then she, and women like her, wanted to work outside the home.  Next thing you know those gals wanted to make the same amount of money for the same job as Mr. Jones.  The state never recovered from this.

Think about what would happen if gay married couples shared names?  You would have Jim and Chad Johnson.  Two Mr. Johnson’s in the state!  Oh the confusion!  The state would never recover from that kind of mess.  The same holds true for two women marrying.  Two Mrs. Carpenters? The confusion would stress our government workers to unacceptable levels,” said an anonymous government source.

That leave us with Governor Brownback pondering over new religious objection legislation.  Rarely do I encourage Brownback to do anything, but in this case I want to cheer Brownback on to keep pondering!  Ponder away.  Take as long as you want. In fact, this issue should take a long, long time to ponder.  Two men or women sharing one last name and filing joint tax returns should be pondered for so long that it can only be decided on at the time of the next election for Governor.

I ponder about things all the time.  One of the main things I ponder about is if Brownback is the worst Kansas governor in history or just one of the worst governors Kansas has ever had.

There is no harm in pondering.  The harm is in action.  Brownback’s actions hurt this state.  I wish he would have pondered tax cuts, education funding and gun law changes and not acted upon any of these things.  Our state would have been so much better off than it is now.

Let’s all encourage Brownback to keep pondering until his term is up.

#LoveWins for everyone, even in Kansas,

Aimee

This comment was posted by a reader a few days ago.  With all the news breaking the last few days, I haven’t been able to address it…..

 

UNTIL NOW.

 

IssueIsMentalIllness

 

Dear Ms. Patton,

 

Today is Friday June 26, and I’m hoping to reach you before your next posting.

 

You see, I have this sense of clairvoyance, and it’s telling me that you’re about to post your thoughts on why we should ban the Confederate flag, etc., just as so many other left extremist liberals have been doing over this past week. Now, far be it from me to prevent you from expressing your opinion, but if I’m correct, it would be only fair to forewarn you that I will roast you with a factual rebuttal.
Have a pleasantly eccentric weekend and please know your American history before commenting on the faux controversy concerning the Confederate flag.
Thank you

 

Dear Mr. Mental Illness,

 

First, thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to respond.  I love when people take the time to comment on my blog whether they agree or disagree with me.  Second, I wasn’t sure how to address you based on  your name.  I wasn’t sure if it was Mr. Illness or Mr. MentalIllness or if we were casual enough that I could just address you as an Issue.  Either way I appreciate your formality so I will respect you and address you the same way.   I’m also not sure of your gender, but for the sake of this post, I’m going to assume you are male.
 
 

I’m also going to take the liberty of picturing you this way (see picture to the right) when you wrote this comment since you have such a “big” commitment to getting ready to “roast me with a factual rebuttal” on the Confederate Flag.  You are welcome.
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Now I, like most Americans, have an opinion on how state governments use the Confederate Flag.  It does not extend itself to private business or personal property.  To me that falls under the protection of the 1st Amendment.  It doesn’t mean that I support waving the flag or what it stands for.  Now I’ll warn you as well, I was an American history major in college and the only good that degree has done me is kick some serious ass in Jeopardy.  I am fully aware of how the Confederate Battle Flag came to be.  I’m also fully aware of how it was used during the Civil Rights era.  Before I launch into a snooze-fest history blog post, I thought I would do something you would find extra helpful.

 
 

Lean in real close Mental Illness….instead of writing roasting threats to bloggers that you don’t agree with, you can start your own blog and write what ever flies your own flag.  It’s a huge secret that thousands upon thousands of bloggers know about.  Blogging is free.  It takes time…lots and lots of time.  It takes a strong commitment, but you can start your own blog and roast people you don’t agree with all day long.  You don’t have to wait for “leftist extremist liberals” like me to take our own sweet time posting our crazy ideas.  Here are some easy steps to get started:

 

 
 

Be sure to include me on your link so I can see your new creation.  I promise to post comments that will provide you with good material if you promise to keep reading and commenting on mine.  We will consider it a constructive sharing of ideas from one leftist extremist liberal to a radical conservative fundamentalist.  Sound good?
Best of luck on your new venture!

 
 

Happy fourth of July!
Aimee
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Dear Governor Brownback,

 

I was so busy on Friday celebrating the decision by the Supreme Court on gay marriage #LoveWins that I owe you an apology.   I should have taken a moment, put down the rainbow confetti and been more sensitive to the fact that you had a horrible week.  In fact,  if you google “worst week for an American politician” your name will come up as a top result. Ouch.

 

In case last week seemed like a fog, why don’t you and I review what happened?  Some say the best way to heal from a terrible time is to face your defeats head on.  Here they are in no particular losing order….

 

1. The Supreme Court decision on gay marriage.  Some would say KS has led the fight for traditional  marriage and you were the leader in this very dull parade, however, on Friday you lost. Your reaction was classic.

 

“Activist courts should not overrule the people of this state, who have clearly supported the Kansas Constitution’s definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman,” Brownback said.

 

Yes, KS voted for traditional marriage, but we can both agree that voter turnout in KS is about 10% on a perfect day and the average age of a KS voter is about 85.  It doesn’t exactly represent what most Kansans want.

 

2. Then there was the other ruling by the Supreme Court to uphold Obamacare….again.  This one had to sting like a mother since you have not exactly been quiet about the fact that you want Obamacare to fail.  Poor baby – looks like ACA isn’t going anywhere.  That must really hurt.

 

3.  Moving on to the stay on your latest abortion bill – we get it, you are pro-life and no matter what the pro-life bill says, you are signing it.  Turns out, the latest one went one step too far and the court said no go.  How quickly we forget that these pro-life bills cost our state money to defend and how our state is….what’s the word?  Begins with a “b” and ends with an “e”.  It just came to me! BROKE!

 

4.  Finally the kicker – the ruling A-G-A-I-N that our school funding is unconstitutionally too low.  Turns out the ping-pong match of fund the formula/change the formula that ended in your favor to change the formula has once again been found to be unfair.

 

http://www.kansas.com/news/politics-government/article25592494.html

Damn activist courts.

 

Whew…I’m exhausted just typing that many defeats.  I guess the only good thing is Kansas doesn’t fly the Confederate Flag so there’s that.

 

Well, I’ve got to run.  I have more celebrating to do.

 

Sincerely, but not really,

Aimee

 

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