Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics


Dear Republican Voters,

I hope you don’t mind that I’m reaching out, but something crazy is going on in your party. It’s not really something, it’s more like someONE. That someone I’m talking about – Trump.

We are little over a year out until the next election and Donald Trump is picking up steam.  How is this even possible?

He’s running his campaign like a Comedy Central Roast. The more outrageous, the better his numbers.  He’s insulted just about everyone – minorities, the other candidates, journalists, etc.

Yes Aimee, but the appeal is he’s not a career politician. He’s not politically correct and we love it.

Here’s where a wake up call needs to happen. I’ve watched and wrote about A LOT of elections. Every election has what I like to call a “Christian One-Upper”. A Christian One-Upper is the time in the election when politicians like to out Christian each other.

Not only does your favorite book have to be the Bible, you need to be able to quote scripture, choke up when talking about it and show how every political platform you have is embedded with the Judeo-Christian values this country was founded on. You need to do this in such a way that you can out-Christian your competitor. This is the formula to win any Republican nomination and ultimately any election.

Here is where Republican voters have lost their mind – Trump will never win a Christian One-Upper. He’s been married three times. He met his second wife while married to his first wife. The other day he called Anthony Weiner a sleaze ball. This is a true pot and kettle scenario. The only difference between Trump and Weiner is that when Trump met his 2nd wife, phones didn’t have the technology to take pictures.

When asked about his favorite Bible verse he said it was “too personal.”

Oh really. It’s too personal?

We’re asking about the Bible not if you takes Viagra to get an erection.

What happens when all of the voters who equated the Republican party with the party of Christianity suddenly have a front-runner that is less than Christ-like? How do they reconcile that the party of family values has a family with two ex-wives who can’t quote his favorite Bible verse?

I have no doubt that as the campaign goes on, Donald Trump will be able to quote his favorite Bible verse. It may just be his 11th commandment, “The Donald shall make as much money as possible.”

Yours for an entertaining election,

*If you are a Republican and are planning to vote for Trump, let me know if you think his lack of religion will hurt him in the election.


It wasn’t that long ago when Missouri House Speaker John Diehl was caught sending text messages to an intern in Jefferson City.  Just to jog your memory – the speaker was sending messages to the intern that went something like this,

“UR hot.”

“Gee Mr. Speaker, I’m not into married men.”

“U better rethink that, cause I said ur hot.”

It wasn’t the most Danielle Steel of romantic text messages between the two, but you get my point.

When the flirty text messages came to light, Speaker Diehl did what any politician would do-deny, deny deny.

That is until the intern produced the text messages, Speaker Diehl suddenly resigned and the intern program was stopped.  That episode shed light on two important things:

    1. Jeff City has an intern harassment problem rumored to be decades old that needs immediate attention.
    2. Heads up creepy politicians – the interns ALWAYS save the text messages.


Fast forward to today when it was revealed that Jeff City is FINALLY laying out a plan to deal with this problem. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the No Shit Sherlock plan for dealing with sexual harassment.


Mandatory sexual harassment training for both politicians and interns – lawmakers so they don’t do it and interns so they can identify it.  “Oh so you mean it isn’t ok for Representative So and So to ask me to sit on his lap while he reads me the latest legislative brief?”


Registering all of the interns with an emergency contact.  This is helpful in case an intern roll call needs to be taken at the end of the day.  It will be easy to identify if Betty is missing and got stuck in the elevator with House Member Grabby Hands.


A no relationship policy between interns and House Members.  Stop for a second and read that again with me.  That actually has to be written out?!  (UGH….I run screaming out of the room.) How bad does it have to be in your work environment that someone has to take the time to write out a policy saying it’s a no-no to sleep with the staff? Unfreakingbelievable!


You can read the proposed plan in this attached document.  Response to Engler Framework (2)


I get that there are a lot of places that have harassment policies, but they are also considering implementing a conservative dress code to help solve this problem.


“We need a good, modest, conservative dress code for both the males and females,” King wrote in an email to colleagues. “Removing one more distraction will help everyone keep their focus on legislative matters.”

Removing one more distraction?

He must mean that the female interns were prone to having their breasts suddenly pop out of their Brooks Brothers button-downs at various times throughout the day causing the male lawmakers to suddenly lose all control and grope them.  I completely agree that a dress code to control breast popping is reasonable.  Men are only human and exposed breasts in the workplace aren’t something you can blame the men’s actions on.


Wait! This just in.  That never actually happened.


This argument that what you wear can cause a certain behavior in someone else seems very familiar.  Where have I heard that before?  Hmm….thinking….Oh yes!  It’s an old school rape argument.  The thought decades ago was that what a woman wore could contribute to her own rape.  Good old victim blaming!


Yes, please proceed with the dress code policy if you want the people of Missouri to believe that the female interns are responsible for their own sexual harassment.  I think that’s a fine idea and I’m sure that the voters in Missouri will support you 100%.


I guess it’s totally unreasonable to expect that grown men treat women with respect and stop hitting on them without things like a no-relationship policy and dress codes.  To save you some time, I thought I would just leave this 1943 article about hiring women in transportation.  It’s easy to change the word “employee” to “intern”.  I think it reflects the same attitude towards women in Jefferson City that you will find today.


1943 Guide to Hiring Women:

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from western properties:

1. If you can get them, pick young married women. They have these advantages, according to the reports of western companies: they usually have more of a sense of responsibility than do their unmarried sisters; they’re less likely to be flirtatious; as a rule, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it — maybe a sick husband or one who’s in the army; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Most transportation companies have found that older women who have never contacted the public, have a hard time adapting themselves, are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that “husky” girls — those who are just a little on the heavy side — are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination — one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job. Transit companies that follow this practice report a surprising number of women turned down for nervous disorders.

5. In breaking in women who haven’t previously done outside work, stress at the outset the importance of time — the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee in garage or office a definite day-long schedule of duties so that she’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they’re happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman — it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency.


Kansas Education Shocker, Not Shocker Alert!

A school district in Kansas will be seeking emergency funding.  The kids have barely stepped off the yellow bus and assembled in their new classrooms for the 2015-2016 school year and already there are funding problems.


Kansas City Kansas Public Schools have announced that they are going to have to seek emergency funding from the state.


Not enough summer fun can make us all forget the Kansas budget woes and school funding problems facing the state this year and now it’s slapping us in the face like the smell of cafeteria mystery meat.


KCK Public Schools need $2.7 million dollars to pay for new teachers to cover an increasing student head count.


They will have to apply to the “Extraordinary Need Fund.”


Love the name, but what is the “Extraordinary Need Fund” you might be asking?


The extraordinary needs fund is a pool of revenue that’s distributed to school districts that are dealing with “unusual or extraordinary circumstances.”


I’m not sure if any of these circumstances facing our schools in Kansas can be classified anymore as “unusual or extraordinary”.  We are so used to this with the ongoing school funding debate, education cuts and the budget crisis in our state, that they should just change the name of this fund to “NEED NOW FUND” to more accurately reflect the state of affairs of our Kansas public schools.


The districts in need have to apply for this special funding.  I suggest just writing the word “duh” all over the application and the person processing the application should just know why the schools need the funding, but I’m not running this show.  Some reasons the districts can qualify for additional funds are:



  • An unexpected boost in enrollment
  • A significant reduction in assessed valuation
  • Reduction in revenue from the school district
  • Unforeseen circumstances which impact the general fund budget

Districts a little advice- just circle that last bullet.  It summarizes our politicians in Topeka that have us in this mess in the first place.


Even though the first GOP primary debate was days ago, the nation is still talking about it.  Fox News knew EXACTLY what was going to happen and they got it served up on a Trump-sized platter.  You should have just stuck a couple of white, leather couches up there, served everyone champagne and had Andy Cohen moderate the whole thing, because it was 100% D-R-A-M-A.  The Real Housewives Reunion had about as much substance as the GOP debate.


I think we all agree, the best part was the Megyn Kelly/Donald Trump exchange.  After the exchange, Trump said about Kelly, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes,” Trump said during an interview with CNN’s Don Lemon on Friday night. “Blood coming out of her wherever.”


Social media has gone CRAZY for days over this quote. Donald Trump said Megyn Kelly asked him questions that made him mad, because she was on her period! Oh snap!  I was about to get my angry typing on and rip him a new one and then I starting thinking about this quote and couldn’t stop laughing.


But Aimee – he said she was on her period. That’s so offensive to women. Where is your feminist anger and rants that we’ve all come to love?


If you read the quote, he first said she had blood coming out of her eyes.  I’m a woman and I had my period for many years.  Never ONCE did blood come out of my eyes.  If you are a woman and you are having your period and blood starts coming out of your eyes – GO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY.  I know I’m not a doctor, but trust me something is seriously wrong.


Second – he said blood is coming out of her “whatever.”  I know many of us have special names for our girl parts – even Oprah called hers a vajayjay, but I’ve never heard it termed a “whatever” before.   If there are people in America calling a vagina a “whatever” now is NOT the time to consider defunding Planned Parenthood.  We need all the sexual education we can get in this country.


I do agree, however, that Trump is NOT an expert on women menstruating.  Here is how I picture him dealing with his wife’s time of the month.   Wife #3- “Honey I don’t feel so good.  I think it’s that time of the mon…”


Trump interrupts mid-sentence, “Go grab one of the Trump jets and pick one of my resorts.  Rest there until your womanly time is over.  Make sure you go to the spa and have a mud bath, seaweed scrub and full body massage.  Come back to me when you are 100%.  See you in a week to ten days.  By that time I’ll have made another 15-20 million.”


I don’t think he was saying Megyn Kelly was on her period, he was trying to say she was angry.  I think he just completely fumbled whatever quote he was trying to say for her being angry.  Like this for example, “Trump isn’t the smartest knife in the picnic basket.”  You know what I was trying to say, but I messed the whole thing up.  That is what we will now be calling a Trumpism.


Here is what everyone seems to be missing.  What he did after the debate was retweet (basically endorse) people calling Megyn Kelly a bimbo.  Let that sink in for a moment.  He doesn’t like questioning from her during a debate, so he allows people to call her a bimbo.  Trump has a history of this when it comes to women who challenge him.


Fast forward for a moment and lets say for shits and grins that he wins the presidency (I’ll hang on for those of you who need to go barf just thinking about that.) The reality is that there are powerful women leaders  that he will have to negotiate with. How’s it going to play if he gets angry and calls Angela Merkel a bimbo?


The Fox News debate was a political piece of cake.  He’s in the spotlight, with an audience of people who all agree with the politics of the people on stage.  You can’t get an easier set up and he still lost his composure.  He was riding the bike with training wheels and he couldn’t stay on it.  Wait until the training wheels come off and he’s in a debate against a Democrat with an audience who isn’t friendly.  Politically correct or not, is this who you want for President?


For those who support Trump – look at his website.  I’ve asked this question many times and I’ll continue to ask it.  If he’s a serious candidate what’s his plan?  There isn’t an issues section on his website.  He doesn’t discuss anything in detail except to say he gets ratings and runs successful businesses.  He’s going to make America great again.

Oh really?




Unfortunately running a business is not the same as running the country.  Maybe he’s going to roll out his details in 9 pm variety show on NBC?  That will get great ratings.


I’ve been asked why do I care?  Let Trump run and he’ll lose to Hillary.  In politics, nothing is certain.  I like good politics on both sides and I like a strong election.  I am a Democrat, and I want a Democrat to win, but there is always the chance that might not happen.  If that’s the case, I want a good candidate on the Republican side that is what is best for America.  Trump isn’t it.  Calling a woman a bimbo for a line of questioning that you don’t like isn’t being anti-politically correct – it’s just wrong.

1837 (1)_13

Governor Brownback and I have something in common.  Just like the Go-Go’s song, vacation all I ever wanted, vacation had to get away…Brownback and I are both about to take a summer vaca!  Stop the gossip train – to clarify we are both about to take summer vacations  separately.  Geez people…that’s a super gross thought.  Anyhoo – it’s that time to pack the SPF  50 and get out of town for some much needed R&R.  I mean imploding our state’s economy is hard work people.  It certainly deserves a few days relaxing on a beach with an umbrella drink.


It just so happens this vaca coincides with an important announcement.  No the announcement isn’t that I’m getting my own E! reality show, although that would be super cool (hey Ryan Seacrest call me.) It’s that Kansas is faced with yet another round of epic budget cuts due to Brownback’s crappy tax plan or BCTP as I like to call it.


How much are we cutting this time you ask?


How about another $50,000,000.


That’s a whole lotta zeros.


Now Brownback could make this announcement from his vaca via skype or CNN hologram technology, but noooo he decided the best plan was to let his budget director Shawn Sullivan deliver that craptastic news.


“Yeah S2, I’m going to need you to clear your schedule on Friday.  I have this great opportunity for you to grow in your career.  Well, this is that time to step up.  Fridays are a great day to deliver news like this.  I’m sure that when President Trump is in office, he’s going to deliver the news that I’m the new Secretary of Finance and Sarah Palin is the new Secretary of State on a Friday.  Trust me – this news is going to go over swimmingly.  Did I say swimmingly?  Speaking of swimming – did I mention I’m leaving you with this while I go on vacation?”


The rumor is that K-12 education won’t be impacted by this new round of cuts.  That’s great news since after the last year, I’m worried that my child will go to school this year and show up in a classroom absent of the necessities.  By that I’m not talking about art and music class – I’m talking about a desk and a teacher.


Well S2 – may the force be with you.  I encourage those watching to leave the eggs, pies and any other objects that can thrown at my favorite budget director at home.  Remember, he is only the messenger.  The person really responsible for this mess will be enjoying himself somewhere nice and relaxing.



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