Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics


Kansas is soooo broke…


Audience – How broke are we?


We are so broke that we need to come up with $400 million dollars more in spending reductions or tax increases to balance the budget.


I wish this was a joke, but it isn’t.


All the lawmakers quoted in the news I’m reading say the same thing – “This is going to pose a challenge.”


A challenge? That’s the understatement of the year.


“Rep. Marvin Kleeb, an Overland Park Republican and chairman of the House Taxation Committee, said the job of legislators upon their return to Topeka on April 29 would be to address the budget hole without slicing into K-12 education, the state pension system or social service programs.”


Why? Because they have already cut these programs back so far that some school districts inour state have let out children early, because they can’t afford to keep them in school the entire school year.  In response, parents, teachers and district officials have all taken to doing the Topeka Wave as a show of support for our Kansas lawmakers.  It involves a middle finger pointed in the direction of our state capital.


That leaves us waiting to see what mathematical magic Budget Director Shawn Sullivan will roll out to save this state and balance our budget.  S2 is in the rock and hard place position of holding to Brownback’s promise of not raising taxes, but being constitutionally obligated to balance our budget.


“The state’s budget problems arose after Brownback successfully pushed lawmakers to cut personal income taxes in 2012 and 2013 in an effort to stimulate the economy. The governor wants to preserve those cuts as much as possible.”

Read more here:

“Sullivan said the gap between the state and national economies would be greater without the income tax cuts championed by Brownback.”


Translation – we would suck worse without Brownback’s tax cuts.




Sorry – I’m suffering from allergies.


So how do you balance a budget without further cutting the major programs and not raising taxes?


A cigarette and alcohol tax of course!


Sounds like a gem of an idea to me.  Let’s take a shitty economy and then tax the one thing that makes people happy – alcohol. As far as cigarettes, smoking continues to decline.  Doesn’t sound like a rock solid revenue source to me, but then again I’m not a tax genius – just a snarky blogger.


I’ve got to run.  In the meantime I encourage everyone to do the Topeka Wave today.  It doesn’t change anything, but it always makes me feel so much better.

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When you think of American college kids what comes to mind?

If you said partying – I would say grab some cheap beer and a beer bong and let’s do this!  However, if you are like many state lawmakers that’s not what is coming to mind these days.  Turns out when they think of college kids they are thinking about guns.

“In Texas, two bills are making their way through legislation: Last month, the state Senate passed a “campus-carry” measure. If the bill passes in the state House, Texas will be the largest state to allow students to carry concealed weapons to protect themselves.”

My home state of Kansas and 6 other states already have measures in place to allow students to carry concealed weapons on college campuses.

What could go wrong with college kids carrying guns?

I know when I was in college it was my most stable time.  Just ask some of my college boyfriends.

I Googled dumb things American college kids say and came up with some further evidence supporting that college kids and guns would make a fabulous combination.

My favorite result was from Reddit. Here are my favorites from dumb things college kids say:

1. “A girl in my class wrote Cockasian on a paper as a race.”

2. “Why did they bring slaves from Africa when they could have gotten black people from the Caribbean?” – African Studies class

3. “so ‘cat’ is the past tense of ‘cut’ right? Like, ‘I cat myself with my knife.'”

4. “It was wrong to use the atom bombs in Japan. Imagine how many Americans we killed, like all the people vacationing there at the time”

and finally my favorite –

5. “If Barack is our president, who’s Obama?”

You really believe these people should be armed?  Seriously?  Even #5?

Continuing on from the Texas Senator who supports the bill….

“Students have expressed concerns to me about their ability to protect themselves,” said the bill’s author, Sen. Brian Birdwell, R-Granbury, who several times invoked a “God-given” right to self-defense. “It’s time we don’t imperil their safety.”

Most college kids I’ve spoken to have only talked to me about their God-given right to party (see Beastie Boys song).  Anyhoo, we all know the first rule of politics is compromise and who am I to step in the way of someone’s God-given right to something.  For example, I have a God-given right to shoe shop and I dare someone to get in the way of me and a good shoe sale.

Even though I think this is a terrible idea, I’m willing to compromise.  We all know that sexual assault is a problem on college campuses.  How about if we only arm the women and see how that goes?


Are you a poor person in Kansas who receives government assistance each month and takes luxury cruises?   I can just picture it – your $497 per month comes in and you think, “dial-up Carnival Cruise lines where am I headed this month with my family of four?  The Bahamas?  No I think I’ll head to Alaska!”

The new Kansas bill focused on government assistance will prevent poor people from cruising.

Maybe you a poor person, but cruising isn’t your style.  Let’s face it, cruising isn’t for everyone.  Maybe eating lobster at every meal is how you roll.  We all know that only the finest lobster can be feasted on for a family of four living on $16 per day.  As a single mother with 3 children – you will get over hearing your children cry from hunger for the other 15 days out of the month when you feed them lobster for the first 16 days.

Well, KS HB 2258 puts a stop to all that.  In fact, HB 2258 prohibits welfare recipients from spending their benefits at liquor stores, fortune tellers, swimming pools and cruise ships.  People on welfare would only be able to withdraw $25 per day.  Nothing says self-sufficient like forcing budgets on people.

Are you poor and want to take your children swimming?  Sorry – swimming is for rich kids according to this bill. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, get a job and then MAYBE your kids can swim. Until then (said in the Soup Nazi voice)- no swimming for you.

A tragic outcome to this bill are the poor fortune tellers that will be put out of business.  I’m sure you have driven by Miss Charlotte’s Palm Reading’s pink house on Main Street with the line around the block of disadvantaged people just waiting to get their palm read to see what their future holds.  Most of the readings go like this….

“You will barely have enough money on government assistance to feed your family of four this month.  There aren’t enough jobs out there with your type of qualifications to hire you.  Keep your chin up and keep trying.  Don’t get depressed.”

Back to the cruising restrictions.  I’m really glad that the KS GOP put that in place.  It was completely necessary to point out to poor people that they can’t spend their money cruising.  I went to the Carnival Cruise Lines website and the cheapest cruise I could find was a $294/person trip to the Bahamas.  I’m no math wiz, but that totals up to $1,176 – far more than the $497 per month for a family of four that people receive on government assistance.

But that’s not the point Aimee!  The point is that we should humiliate poor people and point out that even if they were considering it – THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN THINK ABOUT CRUISING.

After Brownback signs HB 2258 with these ridiculous restrictions on government assistance, I want him and the rest of the Kansas Conservatives to tell me again about what good Christians they are.




Governor Brownback did it today.  He signed SB 45 known as the Constitutional Carry Bill.  From Ammoland Sporting news (yes, I occasionally read Ammoland Sporting News),

“The bill restores second amendment rights in Kansas close to what they were when the Bill of Rights was ratified on December 15, 1791.”

Read more:

Woohoo! Here’s to restoring the second amendment rights to what they were back in the good old days of 1791.  Those were the days.  Women couldn’t vote or own property.  It was 79 years before blacks had the right to vote.  And the kicker in all of this is that a gun in 1791 is not what a gun is in 2015.  To load a gun in 1791, you could start the loading process take a break, have lunch and get back to loading the process and then after about three hours fire the darn thing.  You would likely miss your target and then have to start the whole thing over again. You could figure firing about 2-3 shots in a 24 hour period of time.

Fast forward to 2015.  Guns now fire 2-3 shots in a matter of seconds.  Why not dial back that constitutional clock and apply the same standards back then to today?  Forget training and permits.  It maker peerrrrfffeecctt sense.

Gov. Sam Brownback pledged to sign legislation Thursday allowing Kansas adults to carry concealed firearms without first obtaining a license or undergoing weapon training.

Read more:

After reading Ammoland about SB 45, the article pointed out that other states considered passing this same legislation, but decided it was too radical and decided not to pass it.

Kansas take a bow- you beat out other states like Montana, West Virginia and even Mississippi in radical gun legislation.  Think about that for a second – West Virginia decided that this gun bill was too radical even for their state. When I think of sensible, West Virginia isn’t a state that immediately comes to mind. .

But Kansas was like no worries.  We’re good with crazy and we’ll pass it.  No problem!

It’s a sad day in Kansas and one that we can only hope doesn’t end in more unnecessary, accidental gun deaths, but I won’t hold my breath.



I’m happy to announce that after many hours of thought and hundreds and hundreds of hours of debate – it’s finally happened.  I’ve been drawn to the other side.  I’ve finally been convinced to become a imagesConservative Republican.

I’m not sure when the final moment came that convinced me that the conservative movement was where I belonged.  Maybe it was in the comment section of my blog and twitter feed of my most recent gun-control blog?  All of the comments calling me an idiot made me feel so welcome and like I really belonged.  I was so moved by the argument that one can’t just single out guns, because “hands and feet also kill people” and my favorite – “you can’t just regulate guns for training – how about bleach? Bleach kills people.”  Right you are my friend.

Then there is the Indiana law that discriminates against gay people.  I guess I’m going to have to change my way of thinking about that.  It’s not discrimination, it’s just religious liberty!  I’ll just have to find a way to look past that an Indiana bakery may decide not to sell me a Bar Mitzvah cake someday, because of their feelings about Jewish people.  Will I be mad?  In the words of Governor Pence – heavens no!  Who am I to stand in the way of someone’s religious liberty!

Yep – the Conservative Republicans are where I belong.  I’m sure they will welcome me.  Who knows?  I might decide to run for office as well as a Conservative Republican.  I can’t wait to give speeches saying our public schools are over funded. I think we can all agree that our children are just over educated when it comes to subjects like art and music.

Oh and then there is the exciting topic about evolution versus creationism.  I might need to practice saying that the earth is only 2,000 years old so I can sound convincing.  I’m sure with enough practice I can end up sounding believable.  You can’t tell me that the politicians who say that actually said it the first time without laughing.  It takes practice, but I’m committed.

So you heard it here first – I’m crossing the line and joining the party of Fox News!   I’m sure when I show up at my first event, I will only be welcomed with high-five and hugs.

Yours for Conservative politics,



(Happy April Fools Day!)


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