Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Wide range of topics, I know.  Hey, it’s my blog so I’m going to write about what I want.  Well for all three of you who keep up with my Midwest Voices posts, you might have noticed that I goofed.  Not to relive the entire saga, but I wrote about a stupid abortion bill and the bill I wrote about was last year’s stupid abortion bill instead of this year’s stupid abortion bill.  To my horror, the KC Star pointed this out to me and today I wrote an “apology”.  My first lesson in public humiliation 101.  So I am now doing what I normally do when I make an ass out of myself: go through various public figures who have also made major asses out of themselves and wait for my low dose xanax to kick in to alleviate my overwhelming anxiety.

The xanax has not yet kicked in so I am marinating in anxiety.  Let’s go through my list of people who have screwed up worse than me.  First one who comes to mind is Eliot Spitzer.  He hired a call girl while coming down on organized crime.  He ruined his bright future in politics and still got his own show on CNN.  Granted it got yanked for low ratings, but his ego seems untouched and he is still destined to do great things, in his mind anyway.  Second, good old Bill Clinton.  We all know what he did with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office.  No details of my sex life have been publicized and crashed the web so I’m good there.  He did still manage to have an incredibly successful presidency, so there is hope for me yet to survive this latest embarrassment.  I know I am not going to be President, but I can finally say I stopped looking at him and thinking about him receiving a blow job.  Maybe people will stop thinking about me as the gal who screwed up abortion bills.  See where my mind goes with this stuff.  Roseanne Barr, she managed to screw up the National Anthem and Americans went ape shit crazy.  I think she was the most hated woman in the United States at one point.  Now she lives on a nut farm in Hawaii and I believe she is high most of the time.  I hear she is even running for President under the Green Party.  Anything is possible people.

If these people can withstand public embarrassment, then there is hope for me yet.  Maybe a good night sleep, sharing this blog with all 7 of my readers will make me feel better.  Sometimes I wish my ego was Trump sized so I could easily brush this stuff off and believe my own bullshit, but I might need a few happy hour drinks this weekend to get over this one.  Those who come in contact with me, please tell me it’s going to be o.k., but do not remind me I asked you to say that.

One to one of the biggest embarrassments on television: The Kardashians.  I was not going to blog about them yet, but every time I turn on E! the same two episodes are on.  I am taking that as a sign from God that I am suppose to blog about them and who am I to ignore God?  The first one I keep catching 10 terrible minutes of is when Kourtney decides she is going to start “couponing”.  She gets herself a 3 ring notebook and some laminated sheets probably from the concierge service at the hotel she is staying at and starts clipping coupons for things like toilet paper, paper towels and things for darling Mason.  Here’s the deal Kourt, when you have your bellman carry up your great finds from the local warehouse club you do not need to be couponing.  Leave those treasures on the shelf for the real people who do not have a staff in the lobby of their home, a.k.a. a hotel, to carry them up.  If someone replenishes your toilet paper every day because you have maid service in your hotel room, you do not need to be hoarding toilet paper for when times are tight.  I love it when she meets a fellow couponer in the lobby of the W hotel to share coupons.  Does anyone else find this insulting?  She claims her family finds her “frugal”.  Is that because she only buys 2 pairs of Jimmy Choos instead of 3 pairs of Jimmy Choos when the spring collection comes out?

On to the little Ks.  The 2nd episode that I catch over and over again is the Sweet 16 episode where young Kendall is becoming a lady and momma Kris wants to throw her a Sweet 16 party.  Now momma Kris wants to take her and 74 of her closest friends to the Bahamas.  Momma K probably didn’t spend a dime on this little vaca, because the resort probably is picking up the tab for the entire thing.  The resort is no dummy.   They  know they will receive tons of free publicity from hosting little K and all of her BFFs.  Kendall will not have it!  She does not need all of that.  She suddenly decides that it is too over the top and wants to show her family how down to earth she is by having something smaller.  That may be the lifestyle her family has decided to live, but not her.  She is just a regular gal.  Screen shot to Momma K talking about how proud she is of little K showing her what is important. Momma K spends five minutes patting herself on the back for being such a great momma and raising such a down to earth daughter.   Hallelujah and amen, get this girl to the church because I believe we have found the next Mother Theresa.

We end by seeing the results of what a regular type gal like Kendall does for her Sweet 16.  Just like I did (insert eye roll), she has just a small affair on a roof top of one of the most fabulous hotels in the area.  I believe her big sis speed dials one of many rapper friends on her iPhone to keep it real while all of Kendall’s friends jam out.  I am sure that this little shin dig put Mamma K back about $80,000 or so.  Nothing like showing America what it’s like just to be a regular girl turning 16 instead of some privileged Kardashian.  Shout out to Kendall for keeping it real.  I am sure her next stop after this party will be mission work in the Congo.

On to my last rant, Rick Santorum.  I watched his victory speech last night from St. Charles, MO.  Even I was a little excited for him.   I felt like he was Sally Field during her awards speech, “you like me, you really like me.”  Simmer down there Rick.  About as many people voted for Rick yesterday as voted for our homecoming queen at my college.  Don’t unpack the kid’s Ikea bunk beds in the Lincoln bedroom just yet Santorum family.  The fact remains, your campaign is still broke, you do not stand a chance against Obama and nobody is buying the victory speech about freedom.  These victories do buy you more chances to wear that sweater vest and keep going.  The people who declare a War on Christmas every year are counting on you, so keep fighting Rick.  I will just sit back and continue to enjoy the show.

I do feel better now.

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One thought on “My thoughts on PR nightmares, Rick Santorum and the Kardashians

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