Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

The conservative media is in a tizzy this week because of video surfacing that a young President Barack Obama hugged his law school professor Derrick Bell at Harvard. (insert gasp) Derrick Bell was the first tenured African American law professor at Harvard and he came up with the “Critical Race Theory”. Please click here to learn more:

The reason this is causing such a stir among conservatives, is they believe this hug provides further proof that Obama must hate white people. The hug seals the deal that everything Derrick Bell believed Obama must also believe. Obama is guilty by association.

OMG! I have some confessions to make that I wasn’t even aware of until Andrew Breibert, the conservative blogger who died recently, may he rest in peace, brought this to light. Seems like anybody a person comes in contact with or has associated with in the past makes them guilty by association. That made me start to think of some of the people I have associated with in the past and what that must make me.

I’m a hunter. I have never picked up a gun. I’ve been very vocal about gun control and even marched on Washington for the Million Mom March, but I have friends who hunt. I personally could never think to shoot and kill something, but according to this definition of guilty by association, I am a hunter. I look horrid in that camo gear and absolutely hate the idea of sitting in a tree for eight hours, but I guess I need to get used to it. Don’t you have to be quiet while hunting? Have you ever met me? Do you think it would be o.k. to bejewel some of that hunting wear? I am sure the animals would be good with some bling.

I believe in traditional family values. I am currently divorced, working a full time job and raising a child by myself, but I know people who believe in the traditional role of women to be at home raising the children while the man is at work. These people still believe the man is the head decision-maker of the household. Well, I guess my first step is to find a man and the second step would be to find my iron. I am practicing saying, “yes dear” convincingly with a smile plastered on my face. I am going to start looking for any man in a sweater vest as my first candidate to run my household. That seems to be the trend these days.

I am an anti-Semite. Yes, I know I am Jewish and this seems like a conflict. (Oy vey, my parents are having a heart attack) See I went to a Southern Baptist college and I encountered a lot of anti-Semites there. I was told I was going to hell and the Holocaust happened because the Jews “were wrong”. I guess because I knew these people for four years that makes me an anti-Semite. I had a sorority sister who died. When all of us sorority girls were gathered to mourn her death one said, “I’m comforted to know that I will see all of my sisters in heaven. I mean all except Aimee, because she doesn’t believe in Christ.” Ah, good sisterly love. Anyway, turns out I am with her on this based on the right wing media definition that just because you know a person your beliefs are theirs.

Last, but certainly not least, I am a Christian conservative. See I live in Kansas and you might have heard we love Santorum. My love, Kirk Cameron, is a Christian conservative. I guess now I believe Jesus Christ is my savor. I suddenly believe that dancing is Satan’s dance. Sex before marriage is a one way ticket to hell. Anybody who does not believe like I believe has been seduced by the devil. I love all people except those who don’t believe like I believe. I want prayer in school, Christian prayer only of course. I believe there is a war on Christmas and ignore that there are other religions out there. Everybody must say “Merry Christmas” only! I want the Ten Commandments in my government buildings and I ignore the first amendment in order to make that happen. Judging others is left to me and God and I feel empowered enough to act like I am God and tell everyone what is right and wrong in this world.

I, being a Christian conservative, know exactly what the founding fathers were thinking when they wrote anything. How do I know? I just know and since I’m a Christian conservative that is enough said on that topic. I love that I can do stuff like that since I am a Christian conservative. I feel drunk on power. No wait no alcohol that is Satan’s drink. I am high on life. That is o.k. because Pat Robertson said so.

So I went from a liberal Democrat, Jewish, single mom to a Christian conservative, who values a traditional marriage, hunts on the weekend and hates Jews all based on this same association the right wing media is using to link Barack Obama to the same views as his Harvard law professor. Just because we know someone and maybe even like them doesn’t make us the same person. I am not writing to declare Derrick Bell’s views right or wrong. I will leave that to others to hash out, but what I will say is Barack Obama is not Derrick Bell any more than Obama was his minister or any more than he is me. Although, I must admit that I wouldn’t mind being Michelle for a day or two….lucky lady!

OK mom and dad you can breath now. Can somebody revive my father? I’m still your nice Jewish girl well Jewish girl anyway, coming to Passover seder.



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