Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Well, it’s time to lighten things up on this blog.  Yes, I know there was another shooting today at a public place and I know there was another restrictive contraceptive bill introduced in Arizona, but really, don’t we all just want to take a second and chat about the new hit from NBC, Fashion Star?  Well, even if you don’t, I’m going to!  I never have been into the Fashion Runway stuff.  I don’t sew, I did take sewing class in 7th grade.  I received a barely passing grade and a call home from my teacher because of my “attitude problem”.  I hit my sewing machine for not cooperating with me.  I managed to sew a skit, but the pockets were upside down and  the hem was at an angle-and not in a good way.  There is a reason why I am the fourth generation  in my family of women who can’t even sew on a button.  I think it’s a genetic problem.

I happened to turn on the debut of Fashion Star on NBC.   There are the mentors: Jessica Simpson (pre-pregnancy – so it must be like 15 months ago because this is the longest pregnancy ever), Nicole Richie and some guy that I can’t identify.   Then there are buyers of three department stores: Saks, Macy’s and H&M.  The designers do a runway fashion show of their designs and the buyers decide if they want to make an offer for their clothes.  Easy enough.  The mentors are there to provide a nugget of advice from their vast amount of fashion wisdom to the young designers.  Of course, to provide dramatic effect, there is a sweet back story on each of the designers so we can get emotionally attached to them and their journey through the harsh jungle of retail hell.

Now, I don’t think that NBC meant for this little gem to be a comedy, but I could not stop laughing the entire time.  Here are some of the highlights:

Nicole Richie Steals the Spotlight on Fashion Star

Blinged up chain thong hopefully available to suburban mom''s everywhere soon!

First, the fact that the “mentors” consist of Jessica Simpson and Nicole Richie had me rolling.  Nicole, sweetie, the jeweled headpiece you were wearing looked like a jeweled thong from Victoria Secret on your head. You are beautiful, I am not saying you aren’t smart, but I don’t consider you a “fashion mentor”. It was also not too long ago that you were wearing fashions that we now find on Jersey Shore when you were Paris Hilton’s side kick on the Simple Life.

I believe the only difference between now and then, besides a lot of uneaten food is a stylist.  I wasn’t aware that you put yourself through design school with all of your free time in between marrying your cute rocker husband, birthing Sparrow and Harlow and all of the Red Carpet functions you have been attending.  Where did all of this fashion knowledge come from to suddenly declare yourself a “mentor”?  The same goes for you Jessica, darling.  Of course, I am just a dumpy suburban mom in middle America, what the hell do I know?  Maybe sometime soon, we all will be wearing Victoria Secret thongs on our heads and shopping at the local Price Chopper.  One can only hope!

Now, almost all of the designer were given a “no offer” for their designs.  It was like the ending of Intervention when you find out the addict didn’t make it through rehab except over and over and over until I wanted to scream, “What’s the POINT!”  Back in the designer gathering room of shame, there needed to be an open bar and a bowl of free Xanax just to get them through the horror of rejection.  There was one designer from South America who wore felt top hats and rode a donkey instead of a car in TX (I think it was TX) who couldn’t stop crying no matter what he was doing.  Nicole summed this up as “passion” for his work.  No, I’ll just call that depression or nervous break down in the making.  Not being able to stop crying is not what I would call passion, but a symptom of other problems.  Maybe because Mr. Top Hat couldn’t afford a car and was riding around TX on a donkey in 2012 might have something to do with it.  Some sugar daddy buy this poor boy a vehicle.  That would be my mentor advice, but hey, I’m not a mentor so what would I know?

Another guy who designed Michael Jackson “Beat It” Jackets (google that Gen Y) in various colors of earth tones said women didn’t understand high fashion so he discredited the mentors advice, because it was too critical.  They sent him packing.  Hey buddy, I’m the only one who can point out that the mentors advice is silly for a whole host of reasons, but not because women don’t understand high fashion.  That was totally uncool.

I will turn in next week for more fortune cookie words of advice from our mentors, more high drama from donkey riding designer and most of all for the laughs.  For now, I’m going to take my Victoria Secret thong, bedazzel it and head to my local grocery store in Johnson County, KS.  If Nicole can rock it so can I!


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