Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear January,

First, thank you so much and everyone involved in bringing Mad Men back last night.  I love the show.  I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the return of Don Draper and the rest of the cast.  I was almost in a frenzy last night when I realized I left for my weekly mah jongg game and  didn’t DVR the show.  Luckily my good Jewish mother saved me.  Now Mah Jongg isn’t something Betty would have played back then, probably just her Jewish friends played, that is if Betty had any Jewish friends.  Now that I think of it, Betty probably didn’t have any Jewish friends.  That was a time when rich whites weren’t so kosher with country club activities with blacks and Jews.   Well that sucks doesn’t it?  Screw you Betty Draper.

Oh sorry, misdirected and historical anger rant.  Back to my point.  Mad Men is back!  Television dialog that is subtle and smart and actors that can pull it off.  Fabulous!  You were  absent late last season because you were bringing into this world a bundle of joy named Xander.  First, two thumbs up! E”x”cellent use of the letter “X”.    I do love this name and I’ll admit I’m not a big fan of a lot of celebrity names these days.    The kid is screwed if he ever wants a mass customized cup, water bottle, pencil, place mat, etc.  However, you are a big celebrity so you can probably hire an artist to just paint his name on everything he wants so problem solved.  Not so easy when you are a mom here in middle America looking for items at Target.

Now, I am one of “those people” who read all of the gossip magazines.  I consider it mind candy when I need a break from figuring out how to solve Middle East peace or resolve famine in Africa, I read all about the Kardashians or the latest in the Real Housewives saga.  So when you turned up preggers, I, like everyone else, was curious who the baby daddy was.  Your message was loud and clear-I am not telling.  Fair enough.  As a celebrity, you do have a right to privacy.  I thought it was so cool that you wanted to keep something in your life private.

Ok, so now I have to ask, “why is it that I know you eat your son’s placenta?”

If I don’t know an easy question like who your baby daddy is, why do I know information like you eat your son’t placenta.  I was innocently reading an article about you and there it was.  I couldn’t erase it from my mind.  It is stuck there like the name of the Brady Bunch cat.  For the rest of my life I will know that and I don’t want to.  Your reason for eating your son’s placenta ground up into vitamin capsules – it gives you energy and we are the only animal species that doesn’t do it.

News Flash: There are lots of things we do that animals don’t do – wear fabulous heels, buy Mac lipstick, tweet, drink cosmos…

There are a lot of things that animals do that we don’t do: sniff eat other’s tushies, poop in public, chase down, kill and eat our dinners (well I can’t be 100% sure in some of the more “rural” places in the US)

Point is I’m cool with getting my energy from my extra large diet coke at McDonald’s or in my morning coffee.  Some people do it with a Red Bull and some people do it in a more healthy way.  I don’t really care, but like your baby daddy some things are better left kept to yourself.  Eat all the placenta you want, but in your new age coolness if you discover a way to erase unwanted memories, please look me up and send me that info.  I have a placenta memory that I am looking to erase.

Thanks,

Aimee

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