Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear Rick,

I knew this time would come.   I knew we would have to say goodbye.  So many memmories I will take with me when this campaign is over.  I remember when you were just starting out.  No one believed in you at first.  You were up on the stage, looking so eager.  Someone please pay attention to me,  I thought your eyes shouted out on that big debate stage.  You were such an under dog.  Come to think of it, you look a bit like Under Dog:

That’s all over now as you gracefully exit the race.  Now all I have left is this image of Under Dog in my head to comfort me.  You were so close too.  So close to wrecking havic on this nation’s social programs, sex lives and porno.  To think, this nation could have been one second away from resembling a 1950’s sitcom (and not in a good way) and it could have all been thanks to you.  It’s now all over. 

I keep dreaming of what a Santorum presidency would have been like.  I know in my heart you would have done something radical, because that is just the type of man you are and picked a non politician for your running mate.  That is what this country needs, and knowing that, you would have announced a Santorum/Duggar ticket.  Instead of Bruce Springsteen for a campaign song, you would have picked the Duggar’s playing violins up there on the campaign stage and America would have fallen in love.  Foreget Camp David for your get aways as President, Branson would be the President’s new playground.  No inviting the public to the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt, your kids plus the Duggars would have covered it.  This country could have been your Christian, legislative playground. 

Now what are we left with?  I guess Romney who we all know is not wanted by the GOP.  Just a moderate in sheeps clothing.  Not a true conservative like yourself.  No more Santorum who was willing to set this nation back 50 years with views on Women’s Health.  Oh well Rick, I still have my memories to sustain me.  Thank you for dragging this campaign out as long as you did.  It was your fierce competitive spirit and outrageous ideas about contraception that helped fuel that GOP War on Women that I think is going to help defeat Mitt Romney this election.  For this, we have you to thank. 

Go rest now after such a valiant effort.  I am taking this moment to thank my God that you did not succeed.  See I believe in God as much as you do.  It’s my belief that God does things for a reason.  In this case the message is loud and clear.

Yours in comedy spirit,



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