Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

I’m back people!  I’m so glad to be back.  I just moved into my new apartment and I was cableless for about a week.  I am now hooked up and back online.  Can I tell you how scary it has been to be alone with only my thoughts and a few back issues of People magazine to keep me company.  So what have I missed?  Not much other than our Federal Government has been throwing massive parties and our Secret Service getting laid.  Sounds about right…

Looks like our brave boys got themselves into some trouble down south (get it – I crack myself up).  The nation has our panties in bunch because our boys were doing a little x rated tangoing with some ladies of the night in Colombia.  The headlines went crazy and talk radio was a flutter all because (gasp) our straight laced, testosterone pumped, men who have been sworn to protect the President were getting laid.

How could they do this?  How could they put our country so close to absolute destruction and with prostitutes no less!  The shame, the horror…

Seriously folks?  I just want to pinch our cute little cheeks when we are so naive.  These guys are in a high stress job protecting the President of the United States.  I say they probably have a stress level that most of us will never experience.  I’m o.k. with them needing to release some stress every now and then.  The other deal – prostitution is legal in other countries.  We may not like it, but it is.  Trust me, there are American businessmen traveling overseas that are VERY aware of that fact.

Here is what I am outraged about, the dispute that brought this whole thing to light was over the fact that the secret service guy paid the woman $30 for intercourse when he promised her 3 times that amount.  She pitched a fit in the lobby and that is what brought this whole scandal out in the open.  Here is where the outrage should be – Why are our secret service guys so dang cheap? Now, I am not there to judge the quality of the service, but I think $90 for a night of horizontal salsa sounds pretty reasonable.  $30 dude, seriously?  You, secret service guy, may or may not be married and are taking part in an activity that you know is not A-OK if it were on American soil, but you really want to squabble over the bill?  That alone take some balls.  Cheap and ballsie, that is what you are Mr. Secret Service guy and now add unemployed.

Can you image this guy filling out his next employment application,

“What was the reason you left your last job?”

“Um, I didn’t pay my hooker what I promised and she told my boss, the President, and I got fired.”

So what are we left with? Secret Service agents, who I believe all look like a young Kevin Costner, horny and if needed sleeping with just anybody.  I would have voted for the paid “escorts” who understand the need for professional discretion vs. random girl at a bar who you and I know will be posting that status update as soon as she leaves his bed.  As far as I know, these guys didn’t sign up for the Priesthood when they decided to devote themselves to protecting the President.  I highly doubt there is anything written into their employment contract that states that the only people they can have sex with are the people they are officially married to.  If that is the case, then that knocks a big coolness factor out the image of being a Secret Service Agent.  If you have ever seen one of these guys in person, let me tell you after living in DC, they are all HOT.

Well, it looks like my blog went on to long talking about Secret Service sex for me to even get into GSA Gone Wild in Vegas.  Look for that in my next entry.    So glad to be back!


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