Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

I was minding my own business and driving to work this morning. I was taking a side street in suburban Kansas City – on the Kansas side by the way. When suddenly, I was shocked and startled by what I witnessed! Standing there, among the bland landscapes was a statue. A naked statue of a man. He was lurking in the brush of a split level. Right there, off a main street and only blocks from an elementary school was a statue of a naked man.

Calling Joanne Hughes! Joanne, honey, fire up the minivan and get yourself out there stat! If it caught my attention, imagine the innocent youngsters who could happen upon this naked male statue at any moment. A lemonade stand could suddenly go up only mere feet away from his bulging…well…bulge.

Since you are the queen of all things decent in public spaces based on your uproar over the statue of the bare breasted woman in the Overland Park Arboretum, Joanne, you need to take action quickly! You and the AFA seem to deem yourself the police of appropriateness in our Kansas suburbs so please put a siren on your minivan and get out to defend young eyes.

Now, I could tell after closely examining his package that he was not currently in an “aroused state” like the arboretum statue, but that at any moment his Ken-like anatomy could easily become erect. If he had an actual head, and his head had any sexual thoughts God only knows what could happen. Also, he was standing in the bushes of a landscaped, suburban yard. This could only mean he was depicting a peeping Tom. He was obviously encouraging teens to become peeping Toms. Joanne and the AFA – hurry! Get your petition together-signatures are needed. Youngsters are probably being influenced to become peeping Toms as I write this.

Now the poor homeowners probably just thought this was cool art. Little did they know they were influencing an entire generation of young people to become peeping Toms. Ladies and Gentlemen, watch out your windows tonight. If there are young people lurking in your bushes, we all will know why. The same reason we have a sexting problem in this country. It’s all because of the headless statues. Damn those headless statues. Joanne- I’m waiting on my petition.



One thought on “A new statue outrage for Kansas City!

  1. Not only is this statue a display of sexual degradation it also endorses graphic violence. Displaying a decapitated, armless, naked body is obviously an act of a mentally disturb person. I am all for exposing children to art, but this goes way to far. Next thing you know these mentally scarred youth will want to dress in dirty cloths, sit in drum circles and blame the rich house owner for their pitiful existence. Thank goodness that someone had the kahunas to bring this fatuity in to the public eye.

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