Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

To ice cream lovers around the country:

I’ve been hiding a secret. See, many people come in to Chick-Fil-A thinking by ordering an ice-cream cone they are eating ice cream. They enjoy my vanilla goodness thinking that I am the same as traditional ice-cream. I’ve been living a lie. See, the ice cream you have been eating at Chick-fil-A is not really ice cream, it’s actually Ice Dream.

That is why I am coming out today to announce to the world that I am not traditional ice cream. I am Ice Dream and yes, maybe that is also the name of a homosexual porno movie (Google it if you dare), but that is besides the point. I am proud that I am not traditional ice cream. I am no longer going to pretend to be traditional ice cream. The reason I’m different from traditional ice cream is from the way I was made. My ingredients make me different from traditional ice cream. It’s just how I was made and there is nothing I can do to change that or it wouldn’t make me who I am, a delicious treat.

I’ve been providing the customers of Chick-fil-A a thrill for decades with my smooth and creamy flavor. No one seems to mind that I am not traditional ice cream. I think this is evidence that traditional and non-traditional foods can live together inside of a Chick-Fil-A harmoniously. This is why I am calling on my owner and Chick-fil-A customers around the country to embrace me and the fact that I am not traditional ice cream and I am finally out of the closet.

I thought people would notice by my extra flamboyant flip that I do at the top of every cone. My flip isn’t a traditional end of the dispenser flip like other fast foot chains. My flip has extra charisma, a flare for the creative as one might say. I thought this would be a sign for people to know that I am not traditional ice cream. Yet, no one paid much attention, because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter.

My owner, Dan Cathy recently provided a statement that he is in favor of biblical interpretation of traditional marriage. I think that by him serving non-traditional ice cream, maybe he can find it in his heart to change his mind. I am evidence that traditional isn’t always better. Sometimes, like my ingredients, it just comes down to how we were made.

Well, I’m glad I am now out as non-traditional ice cream. I’m proud to be Ice Dream and I’m here to stay.

Sincerely,

Ice Dream

Chick-Fil-A’s ice cream of choice

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7 thoughts on “Ice Dream from Chick-fil-A is finally out of the closet

  1. d pierce says:

    Have you seen what is in McDonald’s or Dairy Queen’s prodoct? Chik fil a is like an organic compared to theirs.

    1. I refuse to believe that McDonald’s vanilla ice cream is made from anything other than a cloud from heaven mixed by the hands of God. Thanks for reading! Cheers, Aimee

  2. Ruth says:

    What’s in ice dream

  3. Lady Fair says:

    Comparing ice cream marriage…wow.

  4. Catharine says:

    Excuse me you go on an on about you being different an all but you do not tell us what is in the Icedream itself to make it different!? So why bother to tell us that its different without disclosing what makes it different?

    1. Lynn Duvall says:

      Anybody who believes the Chick Fil A soft serve product is ice cream just isn’t paying attention. To me it takes like faintly flavored chilled, whipped air and is exactly as satisfying as that would be.

  5. Lynn Duvall says:

    P.S. God doesn’t have hands. At least that’s what she told me.

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