Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

To ice cream lovers around the country:

I’ve been hiding a secret. See, many people come in to Chick-Fil-A thinking by ordering an ice-cream cone they are eating ice cream. They enjoy my vanilla goodness thinking that I am the same as traditional ice-cream. I’ve been living a lie. See, the ice cream you have been eating at Chick-fil-A is not really ice cream, it’s actually Ice Dream.

That is why I am coming out today to announce to the world that I am not traditional ice cream. I am Ice Dream and yes, maybe that is also the name of a homosexual porno movie (Google it if you dare), but that is besides the point. I am proud that I am not traditional ice cream. I am no longer going to pretend to be traditional ice cream. The reason I’m different from traditional ice cream is from the way I was made. My ingredients make me different from traditional ice cream. It’s just how I was made and there is nothing I can do to change that or it wouldn’t make me who I am, a delicious treat.

I’ve been providing the customers of Chick-fil-A a thrill for decades with my smooth and creamy flavor. No one seems to mind that I am not traditional ice cream. I think this is evidence that traditional and non-traditional foods can live together inside of a Chick-Fil-A harmoniously. This is why I am calling on my owner and Chick-fil-A customers around the country to embrace me and the fact that I am not traditional ice cream and I am finally out of the closet.

I thought people would notice by my extra flamboyant flip that I do at the top of every cone. My flip isn’t a traditional end of the dispenser flip like other fast foot chains. My flip has extra charisma, a flare for the creative as one might say. I thought this would be a sign for people to know that I am not traditional ice cream. Yet, no one paid much attention, because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter.

My owner, Dan Cathy recently provided a statement that he is in favor of biblical interpretation of traditional marriage. I think that by him serving non-traditional ice cream, maybe he can find it in his heart to change his mind. I am evidence that traditional isn’t always better. Sometimes, like my ingredients, it just comes down to how we were made.

Well, I’m glad I am now out as non-traditional ice cream. I’m proud to be Ice Dream and I’m here to stay.

Sincerely,

Ice Dream

Chick-Fil-A’s ice cream of choice

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3 thoughts on “Ice Dream from Chick-fil-A is finally out of the closet

  1. d pierce says:

    Have you seen what is in McDonald’s or Dairy Queen’s prodoct? Chik fil a is like an organic compared to theirs.

    1. I refuse to believe that McDonald’s vanilla ice cream is made from anything other than a cloud from heaven mixed by the hands of God. Thanks for reading! Cheers, Aimee

  2. Ruth says:

    What’s in ice dream

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