Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Ok moms across the United States.  You have been given a gift today.  All of us can collectively rejoice in this gift.  Lorenzo Dominic LaValle was born last night to Snooki!  Mom and little Enzo are healthy.

Why is this a gift to all moms and not just to Snooki and her fiance Jionni?

I’m not going to go off on some “it takes a village” blog about how we are all in this to raise little Enzo to be the man he was destined to be blog post.  Screw that.  Miss Snook is on her own as far as I’m concerned.  

Someone once said this about success:  “Success is like being pregnant, everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked before you got there.” 

Ah yes, deep thoughts.    Now a mom, Snooki gets to join the largest sorority on the planet…motherhood.

Why are we rejoicing?  If there is one thing we mothers do and do so well, it is compare ourselves to other mothers.  I often read about the importance of female friendship.  Yes, female friendship is important.  One of the main points of female friendship is so we can keep tabs on our girlfriends and make sure that they aren’t doing something to/for their children that we aren’t.  

“Oh so tell me more about how you are making the finest in gourmet baby food by hand.  You’re not even using a blender?  You are afraid of what the blades might do to little Johnny’s insides if any amount of microscopic rust builds up.  Well, let me tell you, I just planted a fruit crop out back so we can harvest our own fruit juices this fall.” 

My little darling just started kindergarten and our day to bring snacks has me up nights. It’s not that I’m worried about what the kids will eat, it’s that I’m HORRIFIED about what the kids will go home and tell their moms about what I served.

Do I bring organic?  Are raisins just masking as tiny sugar bombs?  To juice or not to juice?  Who has a milk intolerance?  Are goldfish the devil’s food?  Animal cracks aren’t really made from animals and they aren’t crackers. What the hell?  They are just little cookies.  What will the parents think if I serve cookies to a bunch of 6 year-olds?   Cheese is good.  Processed cheese is bad.  I can’t afford to bring brie and apples to a whole kindergarten class.  Also, that is a little bit of a rich snack, but wait a minute this is a rich, suburban school so is that ok?  Is it hot in here all of a sudden?  Sweet Jesus somebody help me! I can’t take the pressure from snack day!

Happy place…going back to my happy place.  Deep, cleansing breaths.

I belonged to one of those mommy groups when my daughter was a baby.  Every time I went to a neighbors house, all I did was compare notes.  

“They had a service come in and baby proof the house.  We didn’t have a service baby proof our house.  I’m such a terrible mother!”  I quit the mom group.

Back to Snooki and why this good for all moms.  The bar has been lowered ladies!  I’ve seen this girl pee in weird and inappropriate places on television.  Now she is a mom.  We can turn all of our attention to her and her little bundle of joy.  We can compare ourselves to her.  Snack day is suddenly no problem.  You don’t like what I’m sending for snack?  Too bad, Snooki is a mom.  I’m just going to start saying to myself, WWSD?  What would Snooki do? Considering her main focus in life has been tanning, drinking and “smushing”.  Adjusting to a baby is going to be a pretty big adjustment.  

It just made me feel a little better about myself and my parenting.  So what if my daughter eats breakfast for dinner some nights.  So what if she makes it to school without always brushing her hair.  Get over it if everything my kid eats isn’t always organic. Oh, ok full disclosure – it’s rarely organic.   Snooki is a mom and my world just got a little brighter.

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2 thoughts on “WWSD? What would Snooki do?

  1. bobarmi says:

    Great post, LMAO

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