Psst…Junior Republicans. Pay attention and read this. I know, I’m probably interrupting some important RNC speech right now, but I’ll be brief. I know you aren’t paying attention anyway.
We’ve got a little problem here young people. See I’ve been watching the Republican National Convention. I’ve seen a lot of Junior Republicans in the audience. I’m not sure what your motivation in attending the conference is. Maybe you thought there would be a lot of hard partying and maybe even a little late night skinny dipping after hearing about Congressman Yoder over in Israel. Well, the conference just started and you never know.
Here’s a secret. In all of the speeches by the GOP heavy-hitters, they are always going to talk about two things: getting back to the American Dream and securing our future for younger Americans. The headliners are always going to bash Obama for letting down future generations due to state of our economy, social security, Medicare, our national security, foreign affairs, dogs hating cats, (insert any and all other issues).
HINT: The camera will ALWAYS focus on a young person in the audience for effect.
So far every young person the camera has gone to in the audience has NOT been paying attention to the speaker. They have been chatting with their friends, looking around, basically doing anything, but paying attention to the speaker.
I get it. I can barely pay attention and I’m in the comfort of my own home and I’m multitasking. I understand that the speakers are dry (except Ann – you rocked it Ann), the topics are the same and then there is that crazy wavy blue background that has my ADD all flared up. The difference is there is NO possibility that my image will be flashed on national television.
Look alive young people! The Republicans need you and your pretend enthusiasm! You can get to the heavy drinking and potential skinny dipping after the speeches. Right now, sit up straight, button up that Brooks Brothers blazer or knit sweater set and nod in agreement every time they say “younger generations”, “young people”, “future generation” or anything else that you think may be a reference to Generation Y. Assume your picture will be flashed all over televisions across America.
Trust me…it probably will.
Older GOP…Thank you notes can be sent via my twitter feed: @aimeepatton11