Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

In an effort to put some life back into his campaign, Romney made a drastic move this week.

“We are excited to announce that Honey Boo Boo and her entire family will be joining the Romney administration once I am elected President.”

After realizing that the American people were more interested in watching Honey Boo Boo and her family, Mama, Dad, “Sugar Bear”, sisters, “Pumpkin” and “Chubbs”  and 17 year old new mom “Chickadee”, Romney realized that this family might be just the thing to make him and his campaign seem more in touch with the American people.

“The Romney camp is still evaluating what cabinet position the family will hold, but one thing is certain, they will have a place in a Romney administration.  The message that this family needed a spot in the Romney administration when Paul Ryan spoke at the RNC and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo received better ratings than Paul Ryan’s speech that the American people really connected with that family.”  Romney spokes person said.

“The Republicans are a party of inclusion.  We are demonstrating this by promising a place in our administration for Honey Boo Boo and her family as part of our administration.”

The Romney camp has laid out some possible positions that Honey Boo Boo and her family may hold once Romney is elected in the Fall.

The National Healthcare Initiative to Reduce Obesity

My mother has told me in the past that if you fart 12-15 times a day you can lose a little weight, so I think I’ll lose a lot of weight because I’m going to fart a lot. – Chubbs on dieting.

“First Lady Michelle Obama ran her initiative with more exercising and eating right.  Our initiative will be slightly different.  Farting is something everyone does and can be done with little or no effort.  A national initiative to increase farting can be done with so little effort and almost no increase in government spending.  It’s the falls right in line with the Republican platform.”  Romney adviser

Department of Health and Human Services, specifically the National Initiative to Reduce Teenage Pregnancy

It’s called a biscuit because it looks like a biscuit and it opens up. – Mama explaining a nickname for her private part Mama teaches sex ed: “All that boy wants is to get in your little biscuit, get a little piece, and he’s running.”  Mama explains teen pregnancy: “You do the do, you do the time.”

With Republicans wanting to cut Title X, the national family planning program and shut down all of the Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide, Republicans feel like this type of Sex Education will do the trick to stop all teenage pregnancy.  The reference to female body parts and breakfast food is just what young people need to understand female anatomy.  Also the clear explanation of “do the do” simplifies the act of sexual intercourse and the Replications feel like a national initiative can easily be launched with a clear understanding of what “do the do” is to stop all young people from ever considering having sex before marriage.

“It’s brilliant and we can’t wait to roll-out this this national initiative and finally rid ourselves of any pre-marriage procreation.” said an anonymous Republican insider.

Another option being considered is a place on the President’s Economic Advisory Counsel.  Honey Boo Boo has been quoted as saying, “A dollar makes me hollar.” 

“This is just the type of mentality we need on our economic advisory counsel.” Mitt Romney

The Republicans hope the inclusion of Honey Boo Boo and her family will provide the Romney campaign with a bump that it needs to help elect him in November.


One thought on “Romney promises Honey Boo Boo and her family cabinet positions if elected president

  1. Shelly says:

    YOU make me holla! Thanks for the laughs girl!

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