Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Who doesn’t get excited when the daily Groupon deal comes out?  What will it be today?  Facials for half off?  Mani/pedis, massages, exercises classes for a steal? There is a part of me that get so giddy to open my daily Groupon email.  It’s like my own “Let’s Make a Deal” game show.  I’ll pick door number one.  Obedience training for dogs!  Click – buy.  I don’t even have a dog, but the deal sounds so wonderful, I dare not pass it up.

While the debate over if it is Missouree or Missourah still rages on, my Groupon deal showed up in my email.  I love predictability.  With the world in such turmoil, it’s so nice to count on something these days.

Click…open.  Guitar lessons, horseback riding lessons, Japanese food, conceal and carry class.  Stop, back up, did I just read “conceal and carry class”?

Surely they mean feminine hygiene products like tampons.  I think women could really use a class in how to effectively conceal and carry feminine hygiene products.  Those little suckers can get tricky when you have them in your purse and you go to grab a pen and then BOOM you are suddenly trying to write your check with your pon sans wrapper, because that was lost long ago.  Super embarrassing I’ve heard, because that has NEVER happens to me.

I click on more information to see how a conceal and carry class for feminine hygiene products would work.   I was very, very wrong.  This class is a conceal and carry for guns.  GUNS!  Are you kidding me?  A Groupon for guns?!  Already 180 bought.   I really can’t decide which is worse – the Groupon or that 180 have been bought.  I do a little more reading and checked out the website.

Real Life Scenarios Offered– such as?  A duel maybe?  With as angry as Americans are these days that could be a real life scenario. With all the talk about what the Founding Father’s intended, it’s only natural that we bring back the same tactics for resolving disputes as the Founding Fathers and that means bringing back the Gentlemanly dispute resolution of the duel.

Maybe the real life scenario is where a minority walks around a gated community at night and you get to pull your gun out and shoot them while they are unarmed.  They teach you how to declare yourself the “neighborhood watch person”.

Birthday Parties Offered – So glad.  No princess party for you my darling daughter.  We are going to host a Hostile Gunman Takeover Party!   I can’t wait to  create the Evite for this one!  I already know what’s going to be in my gift bag for the 7-year-olds – a Bedazzled Holster so they can properly carry their heat.  Running around learning how to kill people is so much better than sitting around pretending to drink tea with a princess.  I can already hear my daughter saying, “Mom, a princess party?  That is so 2011.”

I can’t wait to see what Groupon has waiting for me tomorrow.  One can only hope it’s How To Harass Women Getting Abortions In 10 Easy Steps.

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One thought on “Groupon For Conceal and Carry – do they mean tampons?

  1. A local candidate in Oregon auctioned a GLOCK for a campaign fundraiser. That wasn’t a typo. Not a CLOCK. Yes, a GLOCK. Can’t make this sh#t up.

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