Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

So I’m sitting in a coffee shop writing my blog. This is a first. I feel so cool just by association.  I’m really just killing time waiting to meet some friends for dinner.  Of the six people in here on a Friday night, I could have birthed about 4 of them.  This is just fueling my fire and now Adele just started to play.

Perfect time to get a few things off my chest.  When I was thinking about what to write, there were too many things swimming through my brain to limit it to just one subject so I thought I would compile a Friday list of things.  Strap in..it’s going to be a wild and random ride:

1.  My liberalmobile lied to me.  A few months back I gave up my gas munching SUV for an environmentally friendly hybrid.  My sky-blue baby even has a little earth on the dashboard that lights up with an ivy halo when I reach peak environmentally friendliness.  You can only drive one of these if you are a card-carrying member of the Democratic party.  Now I find out that Hyundai lied to me about gas mileage.  It was an “oversight” said Hyundai.  Sure – if I forget to pay my car payment this month, I’ll blame it on an “oversight”.  Now, Republicans tell me again how government oversight is a horrible thing for businesses?  Turns out I will be getting a refund for false advertising.  Damn those government regulations.  Those bad, bad government regulations that keep businesses honest by making them actually tell consumers the truth.

2.  This little study that came out earlier this month that studied if women were given FREE birth control – that means access to any birth control, including IUDs and implants what would happen.  Turns out the abortion rate GOES DOWN.  Did you read that – the ABORTION RATE GOES DOWN.  My blood pressure continues to escalate when I try to figure out how people can be pro-life and anti-obamacare.  I absolutely, positively don’t get this one.  Check out this incredibly cool video below.  I hope people watch this before Tuesday and vote these radical, pro-life extremists OUT of office.  They just don’t make any sense!

3.  This is a random one, but one that the ladies out there will understand.  I have been getting my eyebrows waxed since I was 14 years old.  Yes, 14 years old.  These days, eyebrow waxing for preteens is something we only see on Toddlers and Tiaras.  We are outraged when we see it now, but remember, this was the 80s when seat belts were just becoming mandatory and cold medicine for kids was given in mass quantities, sometimes even just to put Jr. to sleep.  Anyway, my mom told me at the time that the more years I had it done the less it would hurt.  That’s right – the more years I had it done, the less it would hurt.  It has been 26 years later and it still hurts like hell.  She lied.  I”m still working through this.  It never gets any easier.  As much as I love my mom, I’ll admit I’m still kinda pissed.

4.  This election is almost over.  If I’m getting tired of it and I’m a political addict, you know it’s been bad.  I’m already looking for things to fill my time after Tuesday.  I’ve decided to go on a spiritual journey.  That means I’m getting ready to join a synagogue.  I’m thinking my spiritual journey will be like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love.  I’ve never seen the movie, but I fantasize that my journey will take me to far away places where I will meditate with Russel Brand, eat gourmet meals with Gwyneth Paltrow and pray with people like Madonna.  The realistic journey is I will get my tush down to the local synagogue and pray.  This should be interesting.  More to come with this one.  It definitely can’t hurt and if anything may help me to be a little more pleasant and possibly a little less eccentric.  God, I hope you are listening to this.  Get ready.

Have a great weekend.  Remember to vote.  Please vote for Obama, but if you must vote for Romney – we can still be friends.  Just vote.  One thing is for sure, Tuesday night I will either be cheering or sobbing, but the world will keep on turning.  Wednesday will still come far too early and we will get up and get on with our lives putting one foot in front of the other.  America will survive and the same issues will be debated for generations to come.

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