Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

I’m putting aside my politics rants for today and focusing on another topic – aging.

My birthday is fast approaching and I will be 41.  41…exactly 20 years older from that amazing birthday of 21  At 21 I treated myself to jell-o shots, at 41 I am treating myself to Botox shots.  Yep, the bangs are no longer hiding the cross between my eyes that I so affectionately call my WTF line.  I blame my walk down plastic surgery lane on the Republicans.  Republicans, you blame us Democrats for out of control spending, I blame you for having to inject my face with unnatural substances.  I consider it a wash.

What else has changed from 21 to 41?  I suddenly realized that I can no longer wear leggings and a long sweater.  When I was younger and thinner it was cute.  Now it just looks like I’m leaving my house and forgetting to finish getting dressed.  I had the black leggings on this morning with a cute pink sweater that was long enough to cover my butt.  At my age, it really is all about butt coverage.    I was ready to go and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  It looked like I forgot my skirt – even with the long sweater.  Damn it.  Long gone are those comfortable days of leggings only.  Now I actually have to finish getting dressed.

Technology is moving faster than I am.  I think of myself as tech-savvy, but things as simple as the McDonald’s drive-thru have me in a tizzy these days.  I pulled up this morning for my simple egg McMuffin sans Canadian bacon – see previous posts.  It was the dual drive-thru – where there are two speakers, one right in front of the other one.  Anyhoo, me and mini-van approached at the same time.  Both speakers blare with, “Would you like to try our new Peppermint Mocha?” at the exact same time.  Mini-van lady says something and I try to say something.  I can’t focus.  I can’t focus on my order, because I am way too busy trying to figure out what mini-van lady was saying.  Did she say pancakes, hash brown, sausage biscuit, and 2 egg McMuffins?  Seriously lady?  All before 8 am?  What is that a clown car mini-van?  How many people are in that thing?  Is that all for you?  Where was I?  I can’t concentrate.  Did I tell my lady no Canadian bacon?  I get really grumpy if I get Canadian bacon.  Once I got the bacon and no cheese.  Then it was just the egg and English muffin.  That left me on a bitch fest like no ones business.  I kept hearing voices and I was trying to talk.  I totally understood the schizophrenic experience. Is that what McDonalds is going for with the dual speakers?   Solo speaker McDonalds!  SOLO SPEAKER!  I want to go back to simpler times.

In the end I ended up with my order correct, but it was close.  My 21-year-old self would do another jello shot and be the life of the party.  My 41-year-old self would….have another glass of wine and host the party.



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