Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics


To:  NRA APP customer service/help desk

From:  Aimee Patton

Re:  game app

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to ask for assistance with your new ipad/iphone app.  I recently downloaded this app for  my six-year-old to enjoy.  I am always looking for new games and since this game was designed for those “4 and up”, I thought it would be perfect to add to my daughter’s game collection. Sure enough, it fits perfectly between the Disney Princess dress-up game and her Tangled storybook game.

I was listening closely to the NRA’s statement after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.  The NRA and I don’t agree on much, but, LaPierre voiced the same concern I have over increasing violent video games impacting our society:

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“Through vicious, violent video games with names like Bulletstorm, Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat and Splatterhouse. And here’s one: it’s called Kindergarten Killers. It’s been online for 10 years. How come my research department could find it and all of yours either couldn’t or didn’t want anyone to know you had found it?

Then there’s the blood-soaked slasher films like “American Psycho” and “Natural Born Killers” that are aired like propaganda loops on “Splatterdays” and every day, and a thousand music videos that portray life as a joke and murder as a way of life. And then they have the nerve to call it “entertainment.”

But is that what it really is? Isn’t fantasizing about killing people as a way to get your kicks really the filthiest form of pornography?”

So when it was time for me to find the next video game to occupy my six-year-old, I turned to the NRA to entertain my child.  I thought it  was a safe choice since your President said violent video games were to blame for our violent society.  I downloaded your new NRA gaming app. This is where I need some help, because my daughter and I can’t seem to figure this game out. Heck, it’s probably user error, but let me explain.

It’s obvious that we get a magic wand.  We were a bit confused when the magic wand turned out to be black, but hey we are open-minded.  All magic wands don’t have to be purple and sparkly.   Then it asked if we wanted to play “inside” or “outside”.  We picked outside, because that is where you can find sweet animals like bunnies to have a nice picnic with.

My daughter took her magic wand to wish for her picnic and there were about 9 holes in the ground.  We assumed that is where the bunnies or other fuzzy animals jumped out of to join us for our picnic.

Turns out it was dishes that jumped out of the hole.  We get it – start with dishes to set the table for an outdoor picnic.  I’m sure the glasses, food and silverware would have popped out next.  Every time we pointed our magic wand at the dishes to set the table for our picnic, the dishes broke.  We can’t seem to get past the part where we get the dishes to set our table for our magical, outdoor picnic.

Now there was a second when I thought that the wand may be a gun and the dishes were for target practice.  I feel silly even bringing this up, because I”m sure that is the farthest thing your gaming developers wanted with Wayne LaPierre’s statement about violent video games causing people to kill.  I may be out of line, but you really should get some better gaming designers who can make these magic wands appear more “fairy-like” since it’s for children “4 and up”.  Usually sparkles and bright colors appeal to children.

Please let me know how we can get past the flying dishes so we can finish setting the table for our outdoor picnic and get to the 2nd stage of your app.  It’s obvious that my black magic wand I’m using is defective or I’m not using it correctly.

Thank you for your assistance and for developing such a sweet and peaceful game for our children.

Yours in raising peaceful children to become non-violent adults,




2 thoughts on “To the NRA App Help Desk – URGENT Question about my magic wand

  1. Matt Russell says:

    You have an excellent tongue-in-cheek style that makes your point stand out. Keep it up. You have no lack of material from our policy leaders!

    1. Thank you! I’m never at a loss for material-it’s a sad statement…

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