Dear Democrats and Republicans,
I am declaring it. Right now, right here, let the history books show that I have officially declared our next war.
I am declaring war on the war on.
The shorter versions is war on war or for twitter #WoW – pretty cool that one worked out.
So why the #WoW?
Democrats you are guilty. Republicans, you are also guilty. We are all guilty of “declaring war” on every issue and everyone these days.
It started back when everything was a “gate’.
- Climategate – Thanks Gore
- Nipplegate – remember when Janet Jackson’s boobie popped out at the Superbowl.
- Memogate – Bush’s forged memos to get him out of war.
- Watergate – oh wait, that’s the actual place where a scandal ended up happening. This one doesn’t count.
- Fajitagate – yes, fajita gate – probably the lesser known of the “gates” in 2002 in San Fran two police officers allegedly assaulted 2 civilians over what they thought were drugs – turns out it was a bag of steak for fajitas.
The list is really endless. “Gate” became synonymous with scandal. I get that – Watergate was a huge political scandal. It makes sense.
Here is what doesn’t make sense – everyone declaring “War” on political issues.
- War on Christmas – That was me – sorry, my bad.
- War on Women
- War on Guns
- War on Christianity
- War on Poverty
- War on Drugs – oh wait…this one may very well be a war.
- War on Traditional Marriage
- War on Homosexual Marriage
- War on Gays in the Military
Since we are all so concerned about the mental health and well-being of our citizens and all of the mass shootings that have taken place – I think a perfect place to start chilling out this society is by declaring less “War on (insert issue)”.
Maybe it’s not the guns or the video games that are killing people – maybe it’s all of these philosophical, political and ethical “wars”.
Simmer down folks! Let’s all go to our collective happy places.
How about we look at some gentler language we can use when we declare the next “war”.
- Slight skirmish on women
- A duel on poverty
- A ground assault on climate change
- A flyover on traditional marriage
- A tongue lashing on homosexuality – sorry…that was too easy.
If we are ever going to have a stop to all of this bipartisan bickering – let’s put to death the term “war on”. Let’s stomp it out, beat it into submission, light it on fire until it is nothing but ashes..o.k. you probably get my point.
Democrats and Republicans – reach across the aisle and declare a #WoW. If you are with me, tweet a #WoW! Together we can make a difference for getting this society to chill the hell out.
Yours in peace,
p.s. – I know me so I am prepared to eat crow on this one by next week.