Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

An official announcement came today indicating that the Boy Scouts of America may be reversing their position on banning gay scout leaders.  This after a 2000 Supreme Court decision finding in favor of the Scouts for upholding their ban prohibiting gay scouts.

From a Boy Scouts spokesperson, “We’re a grassroots organization. This is a response to what’s happening at the local level,” the official said.

It is noted that this most recent statement didn’t come out of concern to do what is right, but a response to outrage at the local level.  Anyhow, the announcement also came after years of study determining if one must be heterosexual to perform tasks like tying knots, build a tent and canoe.   Some believe that the Scout’s position on prohibiting homosexual leaders was a bit out of date for a modern society.  Being a “square”, like the knot, is a phrase that dates back to the 1950’s defining a prude where some believe the long-standing position belongs. 

“We were under the false assumption that scouts could only love women in order to tie effective knots.  After years of research and costly studies, it turns out that homosexuals and heterosexuals can effectively tie the same knots.” anonymous spokesperson

Now the Scouts are faced with an even bigger challenge – renaming the knots that they have become so famous for.  Some suggestions for renaming the square knot include:

squareknotlayout

  • The tricky knot
  • The fancy knot
  • The holy crap this is difficult knot.

 

The Scouts will continue to test if other aspects of scouting are impacted by who you sleep with.  There is still no verdict on whether helping the elderly cross the street and canoeing down a river are tasks that can be performed by someone other than heterosexual males. 

“We believe that helping the elderly cross the street by someone other than a heterosexual may not have the negative impact we originally thought. We will now more once the testing is complete.” anonymous spokesperson

The next step is changing the scouting pledge to reflect the change:

Old version
On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.

New version

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law:
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong and mentally awake
because it doesn’t matter if you are gay or you are straight.

There are still ongoing studies to see if this last verse will be accepted and what the greater impact on scouting may be.

Until all of these various studies are concluded, the public will have to be satisfied with the possibility that the Scouts “may” reverse their anti-homosexual position.

“We are doing our best to get our scouts from the 1950 version of scouting up to a more modern, 1965 version of the scouting.  Progress takes time-lots and lots and lots of time.”

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