I know you are surprised to hear from me. It’s been a long time. Snoopy, now known as Snoopdog, taught me how to type. I’ve been tweeting a lot lately. Not twitter tweeting, but bird tweeting. I heard it around town that you got yourself in some trouble old friend.
Rumor has it from the local bird bath that you were busted for threatening your girlfriend and her son if she didn’t give back your car and your dog. If there is anything I can say about you, you always loved your dogs. I’ll admit, it was always a tad bit creepy if you ask me. Then again I did dress up with Snoopy on Thanksgiving with colonial hats and muskets so who am I to judge creepy?
Anyway, I also heard you threatened your girlfriend’s plastic surgeon and said you would “break her in half”. All of this over breast implants. Are you still hanging with Violette, that girl you met in Paris? If memory serves, she was a little flat upstairs.
I also heard you hit the bottle pretty hard. I think we all have man. Those early years were good to all of us. Now things have changed and not for the better. Linus is playing piano in some dive bar in Reno. Peppermint Patty named a drink after herself. Now she just gets blitzed and yells, “drink me bitches” around every bar in San Fran. I landed in a bird bath that some drunk senior poured vodka into one day and now I just go from house to house looking for another drunk high. We are all a mess dude. You just took it one sorry step too far. Now you are headed for the slammer and all without your beloved dog.
The only two that ended up half way normal are Snoopdog and Lucy. Snoop is up in the Space Station helping to fix that leak and Lucy is running a successful law practice in Manhattan. I hear that Lucy may give Hillary a run for her money in the next election.
Hey maybe you can sue Lucy for all that head trauma she caused you by pulling that football out every time you went to kick it? That’s got to be worth something. Maybe Snoopdog can represent you when he’s back from the Space Station?
Look me up when you get out of the slammer. I’m the only bird that can’t fly above the tree tops and can type an open letter.
Take care man,