Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

I found my new calling – curriculum designer for the federal government!  I am going to create the curriculum requested by Rep. Phil Gingrey.  What curriculum you ask?  Republican Gingrey has proposed that school children be offered classes in what mommies and daddies do and that daddy just does it a little bit better.

Republican Phil Gingrey (GA) said this on the house floor on Tuesday –

 “You know, maybe part of the problem is we need to go back into the schools at a very early age, maybe at the grade school level, and have a class for the young girls and have a class for the young boys and say, you know, this is what’s important,” Gingrey said in a speech supporting the Defense of Marriage Act. “This is what a father does that is maybe a little different, maybe a little bit better than the talents that a mom has in a certain area. And the same thing for the young girls, that, you know, this is what a mom does, and this is what is important from the standpoint of that union which we call marriage.”

My curriculum will be a four-week course to include the following lesson plans:

1.  Killing bugs  – the shoe or the paper towel method. Different bug sizes, squishing potential and ewww factors will all be taken into account with this class.

2.  Changing toilet paper 101.  Mommies may insist that it has to go on the roll, but daddies may be a-okay with leaving the roll on the back of the toilet.  This class will be instrumental in solving the age-old question – top layer over or under?

3.  Mowing a lawn – how instrumental are the exact lawn lines?  Daddy’s lawn lines may be straight as an arrow, but mommy’s may be a little bit squiggly.  Which is better?

4. Clean  Underwear – folded or unfolded in the drawer?  Mommies and daddies may differ on this laundry method.  This class answers the question, “What difference does it make if it’s clean?”

Rep. Gingrey is spot on when he calls for a class to help kids learn the differences between mommies and daddies.  We all know the basics can be performed by either sex when it comes to raising children- love, shelter, clothing and food.  It’s what happens in the next step that the differences play out.  Killing bugs and making perfect lawn lines are in the beginner classes.  I will also be creating a more advanced curriculum that will include the following:

1.  Ponytails – high vs. low?

2.  After dinner ice cream treats-one scoop or two?

3.  Magazines subscriptions-read and toss or read and keep?

3.  New car smell  – love it or hate it?

Thank you Rep. Gingrey for helping me realize that curriculum to help young people understand the differences between mommies and daddies is crucial in this ever-changing time.  It may be just what this country has been lacking.

I won’t forget to add that, according to you, Daddy does it just a little bit better – killing spiders that is.

You’ll be hearing from me soon!


Curriculum Designer


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