Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Confession time – I’ve got a crush!  For those of you who don’t know, I’m single and looking for love.  Looks like I’ve found my match made in heaven!

(Praying) Please let him be single…

Who is my love interest you ask?  None other than Police Chief Kessler of Gilberton, PA.  All the qualities I’ve been looking for can be found right here in these three YouTube videos.

First, he is a man in uniform and I go weak in the knees for a man in uniform.  Second, he has an amazing ability to use the f-bomb almost nonstop in making his points.  Just when you thought he couldn’t use it anymore, he manages to surprise you and come back to use it again and again and again…Third his ability to apologize when he knows he was in the wrong.  No wait…my darling Police Chief is NEVER wrong.

Watch how sweetly he suggests that everyone needs to “grow some balls”.  It’s like music to my ears.   I love when he calls people who don’t agree with him “libtards”.  I think that must be police code for “my friend”.  Well my libtards keep reading, because there is so much more he offers us ladies out there.

I just can’t decide what I love more..his lack of respect for our politicians or his lack of respect for women.  I’m luck enough to get a combo of both in his instructional video where he shoots round after round at “Nancy Pelosi off her meds”.  Remember, he instructs all of us over and over again, to shoot two in the body and then two to her face.

Wait a second while I get my six-year-old and show her these video and why we always need to respect police.  He is a fine example of what I want our children to know about our police.  The respect he has for the law and for lawmakers just makes my heart sing!

Hopefully he will read this and we can start our lives together.  Until then I need to go and just dream about him.

Yours in love and libtardiness,






One thought on “Breaking: I found my true love Police Chief Kessler

  1. bobarmi says:

    I contacted Police Chief Kessler, and relayed to him your love interest. He told me he usually only accepts sacrificial virgins, but in your case he is willing to make an exception. He also asked me to tell you that he has read “50 Shades of Grey” and feels more than up to the task of finding your inner slave. I think you two will make a lovely couple. Mazel tov

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