Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Well, it’s another day and that means another day seeing a politician’s junk.  This time it’s on a local level.  Michael Brooks, Kansas City councilman and  PASTOR of the Zion Grove Baptist Church has been embarrassed by sexting pictures of himself to a woman he met on Facebook and MAY be guilty of paying tax payer dollars in a blackmail scheme to cover it up. (To be clear – not to cover “him” up, but the “scandal” up…he he he.)  We will let this scandal play out in the KC media and with the FBI.  For updates on this scandal, check out

What’s my role in all of this?  No..nobody has sexed me their junk, but I thought I would be helpful and make it easier for all of these politicians, school officials and clergy by creating a form letter of apology to the public.  Instead of paying PR people thousands of dollars per scandal, you have my permission to cut and paste this onto your own letterhead and fill out the appropriate blanks with my choices.

So here we go!

Dear _____________ (America, state, city, school, congregation):

I am writing to apologize for my  lack of judgement by engaging with _________ (lady, man, athlete, intern).  These inappropriate actions go against how I was raised in a good _________(insert religion) family.  My actions have hurt many, including my ____________(wife, kids, family, congregation, voters, donors…this list is too long-you get my point.)

I have always trusted my faith in ______________(Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, other) to get me through difficult times.  I will turn to the support of my _____________(congregation, family, community, nation) to help me learn and heal from this terrible ordeal.  When I took these inappropriate pictures I thought they would remain between me and this ______________(woman, man, intern, athlete, student, congregation member).  As terrible as my actions were, this is a private matter between me and my __________(wife…unless wife leaves you then just say “family”).   I want to make clear this relationship was between two consenting adults, however, I now know it was _________(horrible, disgusting, deplorable, sick, wrong),

You can still trust me to lead your _________(country, state, city, church, school).  While I spend this time repairing my relationship with my __________(wife, family – see above) please honor our request for privacy.

Regretfully  yours,


(Councilman, Senator, Congressman, President, Coach, Clergy)stock-photo-18466051-man-slumped-over-head-in-hands


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