Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

I was going to write about the possible government shut down and all the drama in Washington.  Honestly, I’m tired about writing about guns.  Then a story caught my eye that I couldn’t ignore.  Sometimes you are given a gift.  To ignore that gift is down right criminal.  This is one of those times.

Here’s the 411

Last week, Legislative Assistant Dave Evans was packing heat in the Missouri Capitol. (To answer your question, yes it’s legal to carry a gun in the Capitol of Missouri.)  Sure enough, nature called and Mr. Evans had to use the bathroom.  Mr. Evans removed his gun and set it on the toilet paper roll in a men’s stall in the Capitol restroom – like ya do.  Usually I just end up leaving my phone, keys and sometimes even my wallet, but in this case it was Mr. Evans’ LOADED gun.


So Mr. Evans did his business and left the stall leaving his loaded gun.  When he returned the gun was gone.

Oopsie Daisy!  Turns out, sometime entered the stall and picked up the gun and turned it into lost and found.

Here in the Midwest, people are applying for conceal and carry permits as fast as you can say Obamacare.  I think this calls for some new rules when it comes to carrying guns in public.

I realize that those arm and vest holsters that we all remember from Hill Street Blues aren’t very cool in 2013 so if you insist on wearing the waist holsters here are some new rules based on Mr. Evan’s recent gun oops:

1.  If you need to take your gun out in public so you can be the good guy with a gun protecting us from bad guys with guns, no pooping.  Stay away from the fiber at lunch, because it’s going to be a long day.  If you are guy, peeing is fine – it’s a stand up, one hand deal.  No sitting down on the john all day my friend.  Ladies – you better get used to holding it or invest in a Go Girl to pee standing up.

2.  All I keep hearing about are “responsible gun owners” so if you misplace your loaded gun, you are now classified as an irresponsible gun owner.  This isn’t like misplacing your keys my friends.  What if a child had entered that stall?  I think this should be a one strike and you’re out deal.   I expect that from my child when she has her favorite toy.  if she loses it she doesn’t get another one.  It’s how I teach responsibility for my own child and we are talking about her American Girl Doll.

3.  OK app developers – I have  new challenge we need an app for that!  I have this really cool app called “find my phone” that saves me a ton of time.  When I misplace my iPhone – which is often, I engage my app that sends a signal to my iPhone that plays an annoying noise until I find it.  I suggest we engage those same developers for loaded guns.  We can even name the app after the staffer who left his loaded gun in the bathroom stall.

These are just my suggestions.  I encourage others to contribute their ideas.

To all those gun owners packing heat today, might I suggest something light and bland lunch today.


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