Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Well, the nation is chilling slightly as the Senate voted to fund the government a wee bit longer.  That collective exhale you heard were all the government employees who were thrilled to hear they will get paid until November 15th when the nation will face this whole thing again.  Nothing says pass the turkey around the American holiday of Thanksgiving like an old-fashioned Government shut down.

Then what did the Senate do?  They sent the whole mess back to the House to figure out.  It’s like the cliffhanger of who shot JR on Dallas.  I still don’t know and it’s been 20 years later.  The nation waits…

On to the latest crazy out of Kansas.

In case you haven’t heard, here’s the 411 on the latest mess:

An anti-evolution group filed a federal lawsuit Thursday to block Kansas from using new, multistate science standards in its public schools on evolution, arguing the guidelines promote atheism and violate students’ and parents’ religious freedom.

Read more here:
Citizens for Objective Education is the group filing the lawsuit.  I am totally with this group on this.
Yes you read that correctly.
In fact, I am going to file my own lawsuit.  See, I am against math.  It’s just so precise – so black and white.  I am forming my own group – Citizens for Approximate Math Education.  This is also the religion I practice. I don’t like how math is forced on my children.  Who really says that one plus one HAS to equal two?
I’m more of the mindset that one plus one MIGHT equal two.  Some days it might not.  It just depends on how I FEEL that day.
This is just more example of the government FORCING my child to learn something that I don’t practice in my own home.  For evidence of this just look at my checkbook.  You may have heard of this religion called shopaholicism.  You may know the church that I frequent called Nordstroms.  Anyway, forcing my children to learn math as dictated by the government is against my religion.  Forcing them to learn precise math goes against what I’m teaching them in my home – known as fuzzy math.
I’m filing the papers and will proceed with my lawsuit soon.  Right now I have to go shopping for some adorable boots for fall.  Do I have the money?  That is that precise math I don’t believe in.  My religion says I always have the money!
Cheers – I mean Amen.

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