Let’s get a little housekeeping out of the way.
1. No I still haven’t received my Obamacare options back since I applied.
2. I’m still suffering from writers blocks with my Nazi jingles. I can’t figure out what rhymes with douche.
Ok – moving on. Last night was book fair night at my daughter’s elementary school. For those of you who don’t have kids, book fair night is a fundraiser where the gym is set up like a mini-Barnes and Nobles. Kids spend the day marinating among their favorite books until mom and dad show up with their checkbooks and a choir of, “please get it for me” erupts. The peer pressure among the parents to spend oodles of bucks on the books is like what you felt in high school when you were pressured into having your first wine cooler. The temperature in the gym is set at like 8000 degrees and all you want to do is get out of there. If they were selling miniature ponies, your little darling would have one, even if it meant mortgaging the farm. Ok…so maybe I’m a wee bit dramatic.
My little sweetie was there with her heart set on the Barbie fairy book series. Barbie is a fairy now? Seriously is there nothing Barbie can’t do? Last Hanukkah I bought Barbie President for my little feminist, but Barbie President is currently collecting dust in her closet. I can’t figure out why Barbie President isn’t popular? Her other Barbie’s – Barbie Glamour Girl and her Zac Efron High School Musical Doll currently rock out in her Barbie Dream House on a regular basis, but Barbie President is not invited. No I am not projecting issues from my high school days onto the Barbies so don’t even go there.
Anyhoo – since I knew I had Barbie Fairy books in my future, I quickly turned to the History table to offset some of this Barbiness. I had a split second to make a decision. Sally Ride, Helen Keller, Eleanor Roosevelt. BINGO! Eleanor Roosevelt – a book about Eleanor Roosevelt is perfect to offset Barbie Fairy. Eleanor is excellent to teach my daughter about civil rights, the United Nations, women’s rights. I grabbed Eleanor and off we went to the register.
We got home and read our books. First, of course, Barbie Fairy. Barbie gets a beautiful crystal necklace in fairyland..blah blah blah. Ok, on to my book. Eleanor, Quiet No More: The life of Eleanor Roosevelt.
I knew my little girl would fall in love with Eleanor like I have and her life of feminism and activism would start immediately.
We started reading and looking at the beautiful pictures of Eleanor as a child…
“Eleanor’s father adored his “Little Golden-Hair.”
She danced for him.
He hugged her and threw her into the air.
He made her feel important and loved.
But he drank a lot and wasn’t home much.”
“Mom, what was he drinking? Why wasn’t he home? Where was he?” said my daughter.
“Honey, I’m sure that her daddy was very busy. He was drinking lemonade. He must have been very thirsty, ” I replied. What type of book is this? Where is the feminism? Where is the United Nations?
“Eleanor’s mother thought Eleanor was ugly and too serious.”
She called her “Granny” in front of people.
Eleanor tried to please her mother by being good. It didn’t work so she just kept quiet.”
“Mom, why did Eleanor’s mom think she was ugly? Was she ugly? Do you think I’m ugly? What does too serious mean? Do you think I’m too serious? Can mom’s think their daughters are ugly? I thought moms only thought their daughters were beautiful?” said my daughter.
“Honey, I think your beautiful. Of course you are beautiful. I don’t know why Eleanor’s mommy thought she was ugly. This is supposed to teach about the United Nations. No I can’t explain the United Nations. That’s why I got the book. Is it hot in here? I don’t know why her mommy was so mean. Mommies think their daughters ARE beautiful,” I said EPICALLY failing at this moment.
Where is the United Nations part? The part where only loud women make history?
I grabbed a pen from my kitchen and wrote the following on the inside cover of the book:
Dear daughter’s future therapist:
I would like to apologize in advance for her self-esteem issues and issues of self-doubt. This book was meant to inspire her to do great things as a woman and as an American. We couldn’t manage to get past the first page without both sobbing in confusion as both of our self esteems plummeted. Whatever damage may have been done to her started now – 11/6/2013.
I should have stuck with Barbie.
Yours in Barbie’s Fabulousness,