Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Get this…the radar that tracks Santa’s whereabouts during Christmas from NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) has fighter jets escorting Santa around the globe.  Millions of people tune into NORAD every year to see the Santa’s flight pattern around the globe.  Now they have accessorized the sleigh with fighter jets on either side.  I knew there was something missing!

NORAD added the fighter jets to remind people their mission.  “We wanted to let folks know that, hey, this is a NORAD video, and we’re the military and this is our mission,” Navy Captain Jeff Davis said.

My favorite quote of the month award goes to…

“It’s still cutesy since it’s for kids, but we don’t want people to lose sight of our true mission,” Davis told The Boston Globe.

Nothing says “cutesy” like military fighter jets.  I’m sure people are looking to be reminded of our military and our fighter power when they are looking up a fictional character that shimmies his way down the chimney on Christmas.  If we are all about keeping it real, how about some other reality checks that need to be included:

  • A snack tray on Santa’s sleigh of vegetables since his BMI is slightly elevated.
  • A pair of orthotics to go in his boots since the turn-of-the-century boots look far from comfortable and probably are leading to back pain and bunions.
  • Adding a mask on Santa to keep his face from being so chapped and red as he flies all over the world.  That red nose is not a good look.

Now on my “care meter” this lands at about a 2 from 1 – I could give a shit to 10-I’m writing someone a strongly, worded letter, however, there are people who are upset that this Santa tracking radar has included animated, military fighter jets.  This just added fuel to the War on Christmas fire of Fox News.

Fox News had their panties in a wad yesterday while discussing it.  I was forced to listen to the discussion as I was in a McDonald’s in small town America and EVERY television was turned on Fox News in the restaurant. I mean God forbid should we eat our nuggets in peace without a constant reminder of Obama’s failings as a President.

They had a whole panel of commentators fired up about this “outrage” over the fighter jets.  Most of it sounded like Charlie Brown’s parents talking, but I couldn’t help but hearing, “Without the military, Santa’s sleigh would have been flown by Nazi soldiers.”

Wait..what?  Um…genius Fox News guy, I’m not a Christian, but I’m pretty gosh, darn sure that Christmas isn’t celebrated by just Americans. Second, news flash – Nazis celebrated Christmas and third, America was never at risk of being invaded by the Nazis causing Santa’s sleigh to be pulled by Nazi soldiers if that is what you were going for.  I’ll add a fourth (hide the children’s eyes)…you do know that Santa isn’t real so he isn’t at risk of being overtaken by any military and I’m going to go out on a limb – he probably could get around the world just fine without a military escort from any country.

Now NORAD…because of Fox News my care meter has just gone up to a 5.  Fighter jets with Santa?  Really?  Isn’t this supposed to be a peaceful, Christian holiday?

For those who do track Santa on the NORAD radar – happy watching!  I’m darn sure that Santa will make it to your house with no problem, but if there is a problem the fighter jets will be there to shoot down anyone or anything that gets in his way including crazy liberals like me.

Ho Ho Ho! Click here to check out Santa’s sleigh.

Merry Christmas!





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