Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

cheeseIf your can of Rotel in your cabinet is lonely, you better tell the spicy tomatoes to get used to it.  Kraft just acknowledged there is a Velveeta cheese shortage.

“Any issues with availability are much more noticeable given the seasonal demand,” from the Kraft statement.

The shortage couldn’t come at a worse time with the Super Bowl right around the corner.  This announcement has football fans reeling on what to dip their chips into.  It also has Americans thinking about a bigger problem – surviving a nuclear attack.

“Not having Rotel cheese dip for the Super Bowl is one thing, but we have always counted on Velveeta to help us survive a nuclear holocaust.  I mean the cheese doesn’t even have to be refrigerated.  Along with Twinkies, it’s America’s go to food for a man-made disaster,” said every American.

The Republicans were quick to blame the shortage on Obamacare.  “People are depressed with the new health care roll-out.  When people are depressed they eat.  We know that Americans have turned to Velveeta to help them drown their sorrows with the new health care roll-out. Nothing makes Americans feel better than cheese dip and tortilla chips,” said a Republican strategist.

Democrats were quick to counter focusing the blame on the Republicans.  “Unemployment benefits are running out.  Americans are turning to cheap staples just to help them survive.  Velveeta cheese is a fallback food that is cheap and delicious.  I mean have you had macaroni and cheese made with Velveeta?  It only makes sense that there would be a shortage.  We need to focus on the Republicans to fix this problem,” said a popular Democratic figure.

We can only expect Kraft to respond like any smart American company and drive up prices to profit on the shortage.  Forget better forecasting on demand, just inflate the prices and see just how much Americans are willing to pay for our artificial cheese.

This writer is prepared to pay a pretty penny to be sure that I have hot, gooey Rotel dip to go with my Super Bowl party.  Name the price Kraft…just name your price.


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