Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Kansas City just advanced to the next stage of winning the Republican Convention!  Dallas, Denver and Cleveland are still in the mix with KC.  http://www.kansascity.com/2014/05/22/5040050/kansas-city-makes-latest-cut-for.html  I think we can all agree that Dallas, Denver and Cleveland don’t hold a candle to all of the great things Kansas City has to offer.  It’s the heartland for God sakes!

As a shout out to my city advancing, I decided to take out and dust off my Craigslist Ad to rent out my apartment to any potential GOP visitors for the upcoming convention.  I have added a few things to sweeten the deal.  I may be a Democrat, but I am no stranger to the potential to make some serious bucks by renting out my place.

Republican Bungalow You Won’t Want to Misshillary

2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment located in the heart of Republican country.  You will feel right at home in this updated apartment featuring:

  • Down pillows on the bed to rest your head after a long-hard day of thinking about the War on Christianity.
  • A large television pre-programmed to record every Duck Dynasty, 19 Kids and Counting and every Fox News Show.  Don’t let a week go by without tuning in to see what wacky things the Duggars are up to next.
  • Large closets to hold your large collection of Navy Brooks Brothers suits, white shirts and yellow, red, blue and the occasional purple tie.
  • A refrigerator filled with Kansas City BBQ to help satisfy your  trickle down appetite.
  • Close to expensive boutiques and country clubs that cater to the 1%.
  • A variety of Dr. Seuss books to prepare for the next Government shut down.
  • A coffee table displaying the latest issues of Guns and Ammo.
  • A comfortable couch where you can sit down and rest after figuring out how to cut benefits for millions of under served Americans.
  • Enjoy the extra desk area in the apartment where you can home school your little ones after a long day at the convention.

Prior to your arrival I will:

  • Remove all copies of Mother Jones and Vanity Fair.
  • Throw out all remaining containers of couscous, hummus and almond milk.
  • Update my music collection to include artists other than the Indigo Girls, Dave Matthews Band and REM.
  • Remove all Hillary 2016 signs.
  • Replace my Hemp lotion with an Axe Body Spray.
  • Hide all t-shirts saying “my body, my choice”.

As God as my witness, I promise not to add subliminal messages in the background while you sleep saying things like “Obamacare works”,  “Voter ID Laws hurt Minorities” and “Ban Semi-Automatic Weapon Sales”. Seriously. I haven’t even thought about doing that.  Really I haven’t.

All of this for the low….low price of $400/day.  Seeing is believing so don’t let this opportunity pass you by!

 

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