Kansas City just advanced to the next stage of winning the Republican Convention! Dallas, Denver and Cleveland are still in the mix with KC. http://www.kansascity.com/2014/05/22/5040050/kansas-city-makes-latest-cut-for.html I think we can all agree that Dallas, Denver and Cleveland don’t hold a candle to all of the great things Kansas City has to offer. It’s the heartland for God sakes!
As a shout out to my city advancing, I decided to take out and dust off my Craigslist Ad to rent out my apartment to any potential GOP visitors for the upcoming convention. I have added a few things to sweeten the deal. I may be a Democrat, but I am no stranger to the potential to make some serious bucks by renting out my place.
2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment located in the heart of Republican country. You will feel right at home in this updated apartment featuring:
- Down pillows on the bed to rest your head after a long-hard day of thinking about the War on Christianity.
- A large television pre-programmed to record every Duck Dynasty, 19 Kids and Counting and every Fox News Show. Don’t let a week go by without tuning in to see what wacky things the Duggars are up to next.
- Large closets to hold your large collection of Navy Brooks Brothers suits, white shirts and yellow, red, blue and the occasional purple tie.
- A refrigerator filled with Kansas City BBQ to help satisfy your trickle down appetite.
- Close to expensive boutiques and country clubs that cater to the 1%.
- A variety of Dr. Seuss books to prepare for the next Government shut down.
- A coffee table displaying the latest issues of Guns and Ammo.
- A comfortable couch where you can sit down and rest after figuring out how to cut benefits for millions of under served Americans.
- Enjoy the extra desk area in the apartment where you can home school your little ones after a long day at the convention.
Prior to your arrival I will:
- Remove all copies of Mother Jones and Vanity Fair.
- Throw out all remaining containers of couscous, hummus and almond milk.
- Update my music collection to include artists other than the Indigo Girls, Dave Matthews Band and REM.
- Remove all Hillary 2016 signs.
- Replace my Hemp lotion with an Axe Body Spray.
- Hide all t-shirts saying “my body, my choice”.
As God as my witness, I promise not to add subliminal messages in the background while you sleep saying things like “Obamacare works”, “Voter ID Laws hurt Minorities” and “Ban Semi-Automatic Weapon Sales”. Seriously. I haven’t even thought about doing that. Really I haven’t.
All of this for the low….low price of $400/day. Seeing is believing so don’t let this opportunity pass you by!