Dear Gov. Brownback,
My mother always taught me that when someone gives you a gift, it is always good manners to send them a thank you note. That is why I am writing you today – to thank you. Now you and I have never seen eye-to-eye so why would I be sending you a thank you note? It’s all about your campaign event yesterday.
First, you had Rick Santorum at your event. He is my favorite batshit crazy conservative hottie. He is my go to guy to headline any conservative event. I am guaranteed two things: 1. that he is easy on the eyes and 2. that he will say something completely stupid. Ding! Ding! I was correct on both for your event yesterday.
“Sam takes on the dragons. He is the warrior,” Santorum said, later adding, “He is a visionary in a state that can lead.”
Who exactly are the dragons in the scenario? The teachers? Maybe it’s the Kansas taxpayers? No I’m guessing it’s the underserved people who are getting screwed now that Medicaid has gone over to Kancare. One thing is for sure, dragons are kind of like the success of Brownback’s tax policy – a fantasy.
I also love the part where Santorum said the free world was a stake with this election. And people say I’m dramatic. Geez…
I also need to thank you for the venue that you picked. You had your campaign rally yesterday at a used car lot. Now I’m not the one who started jokes centered around used car lots so don’t blame me for going there.
Here is one for your entertainment:
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?
“Heavens no, we bought it.”
“Then why don’t you drive it away.”
“We can’t drive.”
“Then why did you buy it?”
“We were told that if we bought a car here we’d get screwed …so we’re just waiting.
You are welcome. Remember to tip your waitress and try the prime rib. Anyway, of all the places you could have had your event, you pick a used car lot? There are so many jokes to be had here regarding the used car lot and the state of the Kansas economy. For example…
What does the Kansas economy and Brownback’s campaign rally have in common? They both resemble a used car lot. See how easy that was. Or what does a used car lot and Brownback’s tax policy have in common? They are both full of lemons.
I could go on and on….
Anyway, thanks for the comic relief.
Finally, my favorite part of your speech was the part where you blame the Kansas City Star for your troubles.
“We’re not getting a lot of good reporting from the Kansas City Star.”
Now hang on there. Those are my peeps over there. I don’t think you can blame the Kansas City Star for your issues. If I google articles regarding your failed tax policies I get articles from:
- Kansas City Star
- New York Times
- Los Angeles Times
- Huffington Post
- Business Week
Just to name a few. Here’s the deal. They wouldn’t be writing these articles unless…wait for it…your tax policies didn’t suck. Let’s just be honest. You gambled big. If you would have won, you would be successfully running for President on this platform. You lost and the result was now Kansas is suffering. You can try to spin this anyway you want, but this is of your own doing.
Anyway, can’t thank you enough for a great laugh. I really appreciate it. It’s not often I receive a gift as good as this.
Sincerely (and I mean that),