Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear Governor Brownback,


It’s me again.  Another day, another post.  I was so hoping to move on to another topic, another political figure, but you just won’t stop.  I can’t seem to quit you these days.  I desperately want to write about other things, but then you serve up another gem and I just can’t make myself move on.

I promised myself that I would read your Road Map 2.0h oh oh (see previous post) and I wouldn’t write about it.  I mean I knew what to expect.  There was going to be a plan to increase job growth in Kansas, bring new businesses to Kansas, improve the Kansas economy, blah blah blah…Nothing really new or exciting.  It was going to be a predictable, boring economic road map to Kansas’ future.  I read bullet point after bullet point that proved my point and then I landed on this:

“Develop an iconic Outdoor Lifestyle Center that offers an authentic outdoor experience; incorporating whitewater rafting, high ropes course, zip lines, and other activities.”

Hold the phone and back up.  The Governor’s grand plan for the state of Kansas is to develop a Cool Crest Family Fun Center?  How does this work with the GOP idea of less government exactly?

So we can’t fund our existing government, because of tax cuts gone wrong, but we sure can develop a playground for adults in the state of Kansas?

You were quoted as saying the tax cuts you implemented in 2012 would,  “be like a shot of adrenaline into the heart of the Kansas economy.”

So is zip lining Plan B for that shot of adrenaline that Kansans are looking for since the whole tax cut thing didn’t exactly work out?

What’s the message this is sending to our children since our schools are so underfunded?

Well kids we can’t appropriately fund your schools, but harness up and for some great fun zip lining.  Who needs funding for math and science when you can zip line over a corn field!  Just count the rows of corn as you go by.  That will make up for the lack of funding to your schools.

I hate to be the one to point out the obvious, but Kansas isn’t exactly the first state that comes to mind when you think white water rafting.  I mean this isn’t Colorado.  I did Google “white water rafting Kansas” and I actually found a White Water Rafting Kansas Association.

I checked out the website and there was a list of places to white water raft in Kansas.  The list included 27 rivers.  Of those rivers, 14 were in Kansas- that’s 50% of the Kansas White Water Rafting Association Rivers.  There were 5 rivers listed “optimal” for white water rafting right now.  One of those optimal rivers for white water rafting was actually in Kansas.  Well this is awkward.  I guess it’s kind of like “authentic” surfing in Kansas.  Schlitterbahn’s wave pool is your only option for catching a wave.  There is nothing really “authentic” about this plan at all.

I do have one request – can you loop me in on the “other activities” part of this whole plan?  I’m dying to know what’s included.  Can I make some suggestions? How about a ski resort?  Or possibly world-class snorkeling and scuba diving just west of Topeka?

Yours for deep-sea diving in Kansas,




10 thoughts on “Brownback – You had me at “Iconic Outdoor Lifestyle Center”

  1. kansasvoices says:

    Forget the deep-sea diving … think more like a Kansan … skinny-dipping!

    Or in my case, chunk-dunking.

    Still in love with you.

    1. Aimee Patton says:

      Yikes! Skinny-dipping? This isn’t California… 🙂

  2. Terry Dahl says:

    I love your posts Aimee. Keep up the great work. :You are ALWAYS so right on, at least in my humble opinion you are. 🙂

    1. Aimee Patton says:

      Thanks Terry! Thanks for reading and especially commenting. Have a great day! Aimee

  3. You know, setting up zip lines requires calculations…something that can’t be done without the math skills.

  4. Even worse, he wants to tinker around with Clinton Lake out here in Lawrence, which is already barely holding together with the water levels, to get it done.

  5. Robert says:

    What you don’t understand, Aimee, is that public schools will be able use the Ironic Outdoor Lifestyle Center (for a fee of course) for team building activities. The money generated from the IOLC will help offset corporate tax breaks for companies who (not “that”) sponsor scholarships for students to attend private schools. Sounds better all the time, don’t you think?

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  8. blogenfreude1 says:

    Deep sea diving? Feh … you people need to think outside the box. Mountain climbing! All those high, natural peaks! And you can use illegals as sherpas and … I’m going to buy up the rights to sell oxygen and tents at the base camps. Be right back.

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