Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

imagesIt’s December and that can only mean one thing – it’s Elf on a Shelf time.  That adorable little Elf gets himself into all sorts of crazy binds as he reminds Christian children that they better be good this year or Santa won’t be bringing them any presents.  For example, here is he making snow angels with mom’s powdered sugar in the kitchen.  It brings me such joy to see him creating such mischief around the house that it doesn’t seem to matter what he’s caught doing.  He’s just so damn adorable.


Here he is doing a Lindsey Lohan in Dad’s liquor cabinet and it doesn’t matter, because you still want to pinch those drunk little cheeks….elf-on-the-shelf-drunkHere he is taking a cookie dump over mom’s fresh, baked Christmas cookies and you STILL want to scoop him up and squeeze him….

elf on a shelfEvery year I have to deal with my daughter feeling left out that she doesn’t get to have any fun with Elf on the Shelf, because we celebrate Chanukah.  Well, not this year sweetie.

Hold on to your yarmulkes kids, because this year I give you Mensch on a Bench!

10672176_866318090065358_389102656137562817_nFor all my Christian readers, a mensch is a person of honor and integrity.

Your Jewish children will have hours of fun finding Mensch in your grandma’s medicine cabinet as he clings to her denture cream and ben-gay.

This doll looks like my Uncle Herb as he sits on a bench outside of the Rosedale Senior Living Facility, not an adorable toy that my 8-year-old will want to play with.  We already have a problem with the number of Jews dwindling in the United States and this Mensch on a Bench isn’t going to help that.

Would it have killed you to make the Mensch adorable and young?  How about a puppy mensch with cute puppy dog eyes instead of a creepy grandpa doll with more eyeliner than Snooki?

I’m sure that the minute you grab the Mensch off the Bench, the doll says, “oy my back.”

If you are with me in thinking this Mensch on a Bench doesn’t compare with an Elf on a Shelf, keep your chin up.  There are other exciting dolls for Jewish children like Latke Larry!  He cooks!  He dances!  He kvetches?  Again for my Christian friends – I kvetch a lot – it means to complain.  Nothing like having hours of fun playing with a doll who complains.

The only thing I can say about these Jewish toys is oy vey!









Here’s your laugh for the day:




2 thoughts on “Oy vey-Mensch on a Bench doesn’t come close to Elf on a Shelf

  1. Jean Runge says:

    Someone posted on Facebook a non-seasonal item for those tired of the elf. It was a Barbie all tarted up (gigantic boobs, hooker stilettos, too much makeup) and typical Barbie attire sitting in a drawer with a mini bottle of Captain Morgan. This ensemble was labeled “Whore in a Drawer.” Unsuitable for all ages but still funny.

  2. Jean Runge says:

    I don’t know how the December 4th at 11:58 p.m. got in there but it is not part of the story.

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