Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear Governor Brownback,

 

Tis the season of holiday parties! First there were Christmas parties and now there are New Year’s parties, but we can’t forget the ultimate party that will be coming up after the first of the year (no, not my birthday party) your inauguration ball!

 

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I’m over my shock that you got re-elected  and now I would like to volunteer my services to be the ball planner for this Topeka shindig.  First, we need to take an honest look at Kansas.  Yes, that means understanding that we have a $278 million dollar budget deficit.  I think we shouldn’t shy away from this and instead embrace this fact.

 

On that note, said in my best Michael Buffer WWE voice….LETS GET READY TO PARTY!!!

 

The theme
The theme will be Mind over Matter – We Don’t Mind, Because You Don’t Matter! That will work perfectly with all the budget cuts that are being made to social programs from your great tax experiment. Our vulnerable population is taking the biggest hit with the budget cuts and we might as well call it out in this theme for your ball.  It’s so much more honest than your “Leading the Kansas Comeback” from your election.  I mean really.  How possible is a comeback when we are that far in the hole?

 

The food
Chocolate fountains are always a big hit! We definitely need one for your inaugural ball, however,we won’t turn it on. Like your tax cuts that never trickled down to help people at the bottom, your fountain will just pool chocolate at the top. It won’t be spectacular like a working chocolate fountain, but neither were your tax cuts.  Every Inaugural Ball needs a cake.  Yours will be a giant scissors.  This represents every program that will need to be cut from your failed tax experiment.  I’m sure I can find a baker that can make gray icing.

 

The drinks

No champagne at this party! The drinks need to also reflect the state of budget. We will be serving shots of Hot Damn in Dixie cups.  Everyone will yell, “hot damn I can’t believe he won either,” as we drink the night away.

 

The playlist

Nothing says a good party like a great playlist. Pharrell’s song Happy won’t do here. Only songs that reflect how broke we are will do..

 

We will kick this party of right with Barenaked Ladies, If I had a million dollars.  Because seriously if S2 only had a million dollars.
Then we will move to Macklemore’s Thrift Shop. We will all change the opening lyrics to this,

Kansas  gonna balance some budget
Only got $278 million dollar deficit
I – I – I’m hunting, looking for some programs
This fucking sucks

 

I’m already getting the party favors made up.  Piggy banks for everyone with your face on the side!  I figure the way things are going in 2015, everyone is going to need to save their pennies.

 

Yours for throwing a killer ball,

Aimee

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2 thoughts on “Episode 2 – KS Inauguration ball – lets party like we are $278 million in debt!

  1. Mead, Lurena, JCD says:

    I love your blog. I was talking to former representative Jill Quigley the other day and she said that she had met you. I write a Monday Morning Update most weeks about issues related to the legislature and folks with developmental disabilities. I wish I could be as blunt as you! I work for Johnson County government (JCDS) and would love to meet you and Jill for a cup of coffee in the new year. Keep up your good work!!!

    Lurena Mead Community Relations Manager for JCDS

    Sent from my iPad

    1. Aimee Patton says:

      Thanks for your nice note! Lets do it! I would love to meet. My email is aimee.patton11@gmail.com if you want to plan something. Happy New Year! Aimee

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