I’m happy to announce that after many hours of thought and hundreds and hundreds of hours of debate – it’s finally happened. I’ve been drawn to the other side. I’ve finally been convinced to become a Conservative Republican.
I’m not sure when the final moment came that convinced me that the conservative movement was where I belonged. Maybe it was in the comment section of my blog and twitter feed of my most recent gun-control blog? All of the comments calling me an idiot made me feel so welcome and like I really belonged. I was so moved by the argument that one can’t just single out guns, because “hands and feet also kill people” and my favorite – “you can’t just regulate guns for training – how about bleach? Bleach kills people.” Right you are my friend.
Then there is the Indiana law that discriminates against gay people. I guess I’m going to have to change my way of thinking about that. It’s not discrimination, it’s just religious liberty! I’ll just have to find a way to look past that an Indiana bakery may decide not to sell me a Bar Mitzvah cake someday, because of their feelings about Jewish people. Will I be mad? In the words of Governor Pence – heavens no! Who am I to stand in the way of someone’s religious liberty!
Yep – the Conservative Republicans are where I belong. I’m sure they will welcome me. Who knows? I might decide to run for office as well as a Conservative Republican. I can’t wait to give speeches saying our public schools are over funded. I think we can all agree that our children are just over educated when it comes to subjects like art and music.
Oh and then there is the exciting topic about evolution versus creationism. I might need to practice saying that the earth is only 2,000 years old so I can sound convincing. I’m sure with enough practice I can end up sounding believable. You can’t tell me that the politicians who say that actually said it the first time without laughing. It takes practice, but I’m committed.
So you heard it here first – I’m crossing the line and joining the party of Fox News! I’m sure when I show up at my first event, I will only be welcomed with high-five and hugs.
Yours for Conservative politics,
(Happy April Fools Day!)