Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Dear Senator Arpke,


As Kansas lawmakers struggle to find a way to balance the state budget with a $400 million dollars deficit, I had to reach out to you for being so brave and heroic during this difficult time. Almost all of our Kansas Senators find themselves in rainy Topeka day after day (going on 100 days to be exact) on either team raise taxes  or team cut spending to figure this whole mess out.  The clock is ticking on government workers who may face an unbearable summer as they are furloughed due to lack of funding, because of the Kansas revenue crisis.


Not long ago, you were overheard saying, “Vacation all I ever wanted.  Vacation had to get away.”


Maybe that was the Go-Gos, but either way we can both agree that there is no better time for a  VACA than during a statewide budget crisis!  Grab your deck shoes and sunscreen, it’s time to get away on a beautiful Alaskan cruise!


That’s right Senator, the whole state of Kansas is aware that you are away on an Alaskan cruise during this time of crisis.  Now I’m very aware that holding public office is a very selfless sacrifice.  I just don’t believe, like most, that you are so selfish to up and leave the state at a time like this.  There has to be more to this story than a simple week full of R&R with umbrella drinks.  That’s why I did a little more searching and came up with the REAL reason you MUST be away at this difficult time.


Even though Alaska is known for the beautiful wildlife and breathtaking landscape, there is a little known secret our neighbors to the north are keeping.  After a little research I found out that Alaska has gold hiding in the banks of the rivers.  I knew it! While everyone is outraged that you would take a vacation, you were  really searching for a way to fix our budget crisis with finding a new revenue source!


Sure enough in Chicken, Alaska you can mine for gold on the banks of the South Fork River.  Hurry up Senators and book your trips now:


Think about all the other Senators sitting for days in a stuffy room trying to work this out with just their minds to work with.  Not you!  Two snaps for thinking outside the box. I’m sure that in a week you could probably mine up to $400 million dollars in gold and fix this whole mess.  I have true faith in you sir.  I’m sure the cruise ship is just the only means of transportation up to Chicken, Alaska.  I watch Discovery Channel.  I know how remote certain areas of Alaska can be.  I will believe you when you say you had no choice, but to take the cruise in order to save our state!


I will be waiting here in Kansas with the other voters to see how much gold you bring back.  Mine safely and remember to wave to our friends in Russia while you are up there.


Yours for saving Kansas and thinking outside of the box.


Your fan,







3 thoughts on “KS Senator Arpke fixes state revenue crisis in a unique way!

  1. William stueve says:

    Aimee this post was hilarious! This Kansan considers your blog one his favorites. Keep it up and never stop shaming the idiots who are destroying Kansas.

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