Dear Kansas lawmakers,
I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that you are breaking records for how long you have been in session this year. As exciting as your #ksleg twitter feed is to read, I’m getting tired and cranky. We all know the story by now -the radical Kansas tax cuts were supposed to give our Kansas economy a big boost. It ended up sending our economy on a one way ticket down the toilet. The end result this session is whether you are on team budget cuts or team tax increases and nothing is getting solved.
Programs have already been slashed to historic lows. Education has been cut so far back that kids these days will be able to tell the same story as their Grandparents, “Back in my day I had to walk to school in the snow for miles. When we got to school we didn’t have paper or pencils. We just wrote in the air with our fingers. There was no money.”
That means we are only left with one solution – raise taxes.
“Aimee shut your mouth. How could you even say horrible phrase – raise taxes?”
That phrase is like kryptonite to our Kansas politicians.
At the end of the day, there really isn’t any choice. Benjamin Franklin said, “there were only two things certain in life – death and taxes.” With the way this session is going in Topeka, I’m not sure which is going to come first. That’s why I’ve figured out the solution to this whole mess.
Drum roll please…….
Just change the word “taxes” to a more appealing word. Lets face it, it’s a word that everyone hates no matter if you raise them a little or raise them a lot. It’s like the word “moist”. Ewww…Sorry, I should have warned you that I was going to use that word.
The easiest solution is to just change the 1st letter of the word “taxes.” We could call them waxes. That reminds me, it’s swimsuit season I need to make an appointment for my waxes. On second thought this reminds me that I really hate waxes (I’m crossing my legs as I write this.)
We could change taxes to faxes. That’s a word that is about to expire in 2015. Nobody sends faxes anymore. They are dated and inconsistent – kind of like some of our politicians in Topeka. Let’s use it in a sentence – I need to send in my faxes to Topeka to help with education and roads.
On second thought, that’s not going to work either.
How about if we just change the word altogether?
I like the word “allowances”. It sounds so much more positive than taxes. The lawmakers in Topeka have to raise our allowances to help pay for things like infrastructure and education. See how positive that is? Think about how excited children are when we raise their allowances.
That’s the solution! Just switch the word taxes to allowances and we will have this whole thing fixed in no time.
Somebody write that legislation up and everyone can go home and enjoy their summer vacation.
No reason for a big parade in my honor for fixing this whole mess, but if the Marching Cobras are available that wouldn’t suck.
Yours for finding solutions for our great state,