Aimee Patton

A pleasantly eccentric take on politics

Something happened this week that was startling to Kansas lawmakers. A bill was introduced by Kansas Republican Barbara Bollier that was deeply rooted in something rarely found in Topeka.  In fact, it’s so rare that it has lawmakers shocked and unsure of what to do with this bill.


“We’ve heard about bills like this in other states, but we were completely taken off guard when this bill was introduced in Topeka,” one lawmaker said.


What’s wrong with this bill?  It’s a bill that makes total sense.


The bill would provide IUDs for uninsured women in Kansas. The LARC bill stands for Long Acting Reversible Contraceptives and is modeled after a successful initiative in Colorado. The  Colorado program has resulted in the following:

48% decrease in birth rate for young women ages 15-19
19.4% decrease in birth rate for women ages 20-24
48% decrease in abortion rate for young women ages 15-19
21% decrease in abortion rate for women ages 20-24


The response in Topeka has been shocking yet typical.


“A common sense bill in Topeka.  We just can’t have that.  We are so used to bills not making financial sense and sticking it to the poor that we aren’t sure what to do with this bill that just makes so much sense,” said a Topeka lawmaker.


“When they said LARC, I thought this was another bill about the lesser prairie chicken, not a bill about lady parts.  I’m just so confused,” another lawmaker said.


“Look if it’s not a bill that destroys public education, embarrasses our poor or defunds Planned Parenthood I’m not sure my eyes are even able to read to the words on the page,” said another lawmaker.


Many lawmakers believed that LARC was a new type of gun and were in favor of the bill.


“Is LARC a new gun?  If it’s a new gun then I’m all for it!  Everyone should have a LARC and be able to carry it in any public building without harassment from those gun hating liberals,” said an anonymous lawmaker.


“People should be able to conceal and carry LARC anywhere they want.  It’s a constitutional right.”


My advice Rep. Bollier – keep them thinking that LARC is a new type of gun and this legislation will pass in no time.





One thought on “LARC bill in KS has many lawmakers confused

  1. SpeedReader says:

    Well this is just too much!!

    I use to come here and get a kick out of Aimee Patton’s sarcastic commentary, but now she’s gone beyond the bounds of good humor.

    Why in the world would she be advocating that poor uninsured women in Kansas be implanted with IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices)? Being poor and without health insurance shouldn’t be a crime, let alone a death sentence!

    Shame on you Aimee Patton!! I thought you were all about empowering women, not blowing them up for your sarcastic enjoyment.

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